86 replies to this topic

[RyuBatsu]

This really made me laugh and I first read it years ago.

By the way, what's the history behind this Chuck Norris jokes?

[HPworshiper13]

I don't really know how the facts were made, or if he is really that popular...I just know him as that guy who trained under Bruce Lee I also think the name Chuck Norris sounds funy

[chr0nik©]

why he suing them?

does that mean not true

http://www.reuters.c...129580420071222

he's also a bible thumper http://uk.youtube.co...h?v=7czRrFNRQO0

[sailormari]

so he suieing them because he worry that people think these facts are ture huh

oh come on


or maybe he doesnt want his secrets out i think thats it

[envy]

or he wants moar money

[°Cal.Mer.Sac]

chuck norris can swim through land but tsunku can run on air. (i know its not funny)

[sailormari]

you mean Tsunky full of air (hotair)

[Ishikawaluvr]

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero.

Chuck norris can count to infinity...he's already done it twice.

Chuck norris can divide by zero.

When April 15th comes around, Chuck doesn't send in his taxes. He sends blank tax forms, with a picture attached of him in a ready-to-attack stance. Chuck Norris has yet to pay his taxes.

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a boner. There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel, and Mr. T once got into a fight. The entire African continent was wiped out in the aftermath.

[HPworshiper13]

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a boner. There were no survivors.

[sailormari]

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

[°Cal.Mer.Sac]

lol i like the last one

[sailormari]

its true i seen it happen

[Aim_Aim]

My favorite Chuck Norris jokes:

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Chuck Norris once finished "The Song that Never Ends".

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris knows the only wrong way to get a reese's

[sailormari]

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris knows the only wrong way to get a reese's

hahahah

i fell out my chair on those two

[Evening Musuko]

Why is Chuck Norris so popular and famous? Why do people make so many random statement about him? It like, some people in online games I used to play spamm the whole chat box about Chuck Norris.

Because "Walker Texas Ranger" is the greatest TV show that has been on CBS. Yes, I know this because I used to watch it during the most bad-ass-action-packed-two-hours-of-television evar. Walker followed by Martial Law staring Sammo Hung and Arsenio Hall.

EDIT: BTW Chuck Norris can beat al 52 games in "Action 52"

[GordieHowe]

Why is Chuck Norris so popular and famous? Why do people make so many random statement about him? It like, some people in online games I used to play spamm the whole chat box about Chuck Norris.

That's what people are trying to tell you with help of all the facts.

[NatsuNoCheri]

Chuck Norris's motto is "a$$-kickin' good." KFC tried to sue him, but he broke their copyright in half with one kung-fu grip. To this day, all KFC's will cross the street when they see Chuck Norris.

Even Chuck Norris jokes are scared of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isn't allowed in vegas anymore. He always hits on 21 and gets blackjack. He also kills anyone he sees playing baccarat, because baccarat is for wusses like James Bond.

A1 steak sauce is not "that important" to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't shop at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart shops at Chuck Norris.

How much Chuck could a wood Chuck chuck? If a wood Chuck could chuck... OW! OW! WHACK! OW!

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris threw it.

Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.

The only thing Chuck Norris fears is Chuck Norris.

Our founding fathers originally decreed a strict separation between Chuck Norris and state. Chuck Norris eliminated them.

~

And then some really good Hello!Project parodies of Chuck Norris that I found at this link:

No matter what you do, Aya Matsuura is better than you. At everything.

Tsunku has never heard a woman tell him "no."

Though not proven, it has been said that Takahashi Ai is possibly just a little bit different from the rest of her members. Unfortunately, She denies all reports of ever being related to a monkey.

Spoiler

Many different keys that Yossie has been wearing are the keys to each H!P member's bedroom.

Nacchi's smile was designed by advanced genetic engineers to cure cancer in the year 2016.

Nono & Aibon ARE twins, but one was adopted... they were reunited by Tsunku.

Sayu is so cute, she makes baby bunnies look scary.

A few members of the Metro rabbits HP team hate their coach. This is seen evident in past DOKYU! segments where they rofl after kicking the ball right between their coach's legs.

Koharu once punched the highlights out of Makoto Ogawa's hair.

And one that I made up:
The recent earthquakes around Kansai were all caused by Yuko Nakazawa yelling at 8th Generation Morning Musume.

[Xeqcme]

Haha, the H!P ones sound fun. Here's mine:

There IS an Ai in team!

And to get back on topic.

Chuck Norris once shot down a Nazi airplane by pointing his hand, in the shape of a gun, in the air and saying "bang."

[GordieHowe]

Tsunku has never heard a woman tell him "no."

[Xamos]

I found out about this from my friend...

1st go to google.com
2nd type Find Chuck Norris
3rd click on the I'm Feeling Lucky button

What comes out after that is totally awesome