Kideo Hojima

Female

Harlem, South Japan

Yo, real talk? I take a ridiculous amount of Adderall. I'm talking 120-180mg DAILY. I know it's likely destroying me internally and I'm probably shaving years off of my life, but I feel amazing. With my insurance I only pay $8 for 150 30mg capsules, so it's not even an expensive "habit". I mean, I make about $850 a week in a low cost of living area and I used to spend $300 WEEKLY on just weed, so in comparison this is a way better vice; financially at least. I hope I don't just randomly die. How much would that suck? I'm not a person of blind faith, so I don't have any sort of delusion that there's an afterlife waiting for me. Sometimes, I wish I had the ability to turn of the part of my brain that allows me to think rationally and logically in regards to religion. Knowing that my consciousness will inevitably drift into a state of complete and endless nothingness scares me. The only comfort I can find in the thought is that I won't be aware of my lack of consciousness due to the fact that I will no longer exist. Do I really even matter in that sense? I guess my parents, siblings, friends and hopefully future spouse and children would be sad and remember me, but that's about it. I don't even know my great-great-grandparent's names, you know? They were living, breathing people that laughed and ate and sang and I don't know a single thing about them. As bad as I feel about that, it's not like I'm going to make an effort to find out more about them and that's kind of my point. To my great-great-grandchild, I'll just be some old guy that died a long time ago. Oh well.

Gaseous Snake