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What is your best joke?


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#1 KNP6bI

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Posted 03 April 2007 - 07:42 PM

The main subect of this topic is
to have smile with humour from all over the world
be carefull, wordsplays may be not understood.

So, give us a joke from your country
one post, one joke!
(better than next mine, it's exemple)

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French humour :

An horse come at the pub and ask "whisky please"
he drink it one draw, give money and go.
the customer beside ask to the waitress
"Is that normal the thing i've just seen?"
"oh, now you tell it, habitually he ask for vodka..."

Somewhere on the world, a goddess cry, waiting a real love.
A simple spirit heard the pain of her heart,
look her and see a tear falling on the floor.
By a simple kiss, tenderly, pains disappears.
Like a guardian angel, guided by a burning love,
he promise to marry her one day.

#2 finch

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Posted 03 April 2007 - 07:46 PM

Two blueberry muffins are in the oven.
The first muffin says to the other, "Wow, its hot in here!"
The second muffin replies, "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"


yeah, it's getting old.

#3 sailormari

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Posted 04 April 2007 - 05:14 PM

ok heres one
A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl." He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full. He says, "Are you going to eat that?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself." He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."
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#4 Ishikawaluvr

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 02:32 AM

A man walks into a bar in Spain, and a man in the corner of the restaraunt is raving to all the other patrons of the bar abou his meal. The first man asks the waitress "Ma'am, wat's the gentlemen over in that conrner having?"
"Well sir, that is our bull testicle, a specialty here in spain. When we have the bullfights here, we kill the loser, and chop off their testicles and servethem to the first person who orders them. Very delicious, might I add"
"Well okay, I'll have that."
"Sorry sir, we are out. However, we will have one tomorrow."
The man is infuriated! SO he leaves the restaurant, has dinner at his hotel, and gets to sleep. He wakes up at 6 am the next morning, has breakfast, and goes to the restaurant and waits for the bullfight to be over. The waitress comes out.
"Sir, you do realize that we will not have the meal until about noon, right?"
"Yes, but I wish to be the first to have it."
"Okay, then..."

And so, noon rolls by, and the man rushes in to get his meal.
By 1pm, it is finally prepared, and two, small balls on a plate come out. The man devours them ravenously, and enjoys every bite.
"So sir, how was your meal?" the waitress asks.
"Man, it was deliscious! But one question, why was mine so much smaller than the man who got it yesterday?"
The waitress replies "Ah, but sometimes the Bull wins!"
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#5 sailormari

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 04:44 AM

A man walks into a bar and sits down and orders a drink.

He then notices a Jar that is full of money. The man asks the bartender what the jar is for. The bartender then says that he has a donkey in the back room and if anyone can make him him laugh they win the money. If not they owe me 100 dollars.

The man say I can do it!

So he goes into the back room and about 5 minutes later the bartender hears the donkey laughing out loud. The man walks out and takes the money from the jar, thanks the bartender, and leaves.

About a month later the man comes back into the bar and there is a new jar of money. The man asks the bartender what the new jar of money is for.

The bartender looks at the man and says if you can make the donkey cry the money is yours, if not you owe me 100 dollars. The man says ok I'll do it!

He walks into the back room and about 2 minutes has goes by when the bartender hears the donkey crying. The man walks out and grabs the money out of the jar, but before the man leaves the bartender asks, "How did you make the donkey laugh?"

The man looks at the bartender and says, "Well the first time I told the donkey that I had a bigger pecker then he did".

"How did you make him cry?" ask the bartender?

Well I showed him.
Grand Master Shogun SailorMari and part of the Mari Branch of W.H.O.A. (World-wide HELLO! Otaku Academy)
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#6 sanrio

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 05:13 AM

yeah, it's getting old.

new to the ppl who haven't heard it yet, hahahhahaha that was funny XD

and funny to all other posts also ^_^

now to think of it i don't have much except for Inside Jokes...........
well here's one that my frd says but i don't find it funny except for the fact that he says it and trys to be funny:
"you are always right.........except when you are wrong.."

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#7 toxic025

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 05:52 AM

a black guy, asian guy and a white guy ... wait, can't tell those jokes here

a rooster and a cat die and gone to heaven. at heavens gate they were greeted by heavens gate keeper. the gate keeper said "if you want to get into heaven you can to do one thing". So he took the cat and the rooster ro the river and said they both have to cross the river if they both want to get into heaven. and so the rooster can somewhat fly over the river. he got over it without anyproblems and was really happy about it. but the cat couldn't so it got wet from swimming in the river. either way they both got into heaven.

the moral of the story is... whenever theres a happy cock, theres always a wet pussy ^_^


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#8 sanrio

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 06:00 AM

a black guy, asian guy and a white guy ... wait, can't tell those jokes here

LOL XD

and DUDE that's so wrong ^_^ hahahahahahahahaha but nice one it is indeed hahaaahahaaa

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#9 KNP6bI

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 01:04 PM

A man working at the CIA is recommended to be a spy in Russia.

At a party, the police chief talk to him :
_ Hey comrade! what is your name?
_ the name is Yvan.
_ so, well Yvan, you aren't russian, right?
_ of course I am! hear! i speak russian!
_ yes, but you aren't russian.
_ I drink vodka like a russian!
_ yes, but you aren't russian.
_ I can sing like a russian!
_ yes, but you aren't russian.
_ look! I can dance like a russian!
_ Stop it yvan! I can ever look that you are not russian.
_ How can you tell that?
_ It's simple... there is no black men in russia...

^_^
Somewhere on the world, a goddess cry, waiting a real love.
A simple spirit heard the pain of her heart,
look her and see a tear falling on the floor.
By a simple kiss, tenderly, pains disappears.
Like a guardian angel, guided by a burning love,
he promise to marry her one day.

#10 sailormari

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 04:39 PM

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Grand Master Shogun SailorMari and part of the Mari Branch of W.H.O.A. (World-wide HELLO! Otaku Academy)
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#11 sanrio

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Posted 06 April 2007 - 05:03 AM

A man working at the CIA is recommended to be a spy in Russia.
......

LOL :)


anyways here's one:

2 kids were arguing and saying bad things at each other, and this is how the fight ended:
...............
kid A:"your parents shouldn't have rasied you!"
kid B:"well you dad should have had shot you onto the wall instead!"
kid A:"............ :lol: "

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#12 sailormari

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Posted 06 April 2007 - 04:42 PM

Wife: I have some good news and some bad news.
Husband: What's the good news?
Wife: The good news is I found a picture that's worth $500,000.
Husband: Wow! That's wonderful! What's the bad news?
Wife: The bad news is that the picture is of you and your secretary!
Grand Master Shogun SailorMari and part of the Mari Branch of W.H.O.A. (World-wide HELLO! Otaku Academy)
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voted Mari's Greatest Fan in the 2010 & 2011 Greatest Fan Awards...thanks to all who voted for me and thanks to Sprinklebuns♥Yutorin for siggy

#13 KNP6bI

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Posted 06 April 2007 - 09:06 PM

vietnamian joke :

It's a young man of 20 years old in a journey through China
Night come and he knock at a house door. An old man open and accept to help him for a night,
stipulates that he musn't have sex with his daughter, otherwise he endure the 3 supplications
-
It's dinner time and the two childrens come for the lunch
The young boy sit near his father,
and the girl (a young woman sexyest as an angel) help everyone for a dish.
She give a smile to the traveler and sit aside him.
He try to be absolutely normal for answering to the householder's questions.
But under the table, the cute girl gently caress his tigh.
-
Dinner ended (poor guy) and everyone go to sleep.
The householder say to our man : "Remember, the 3 supplications"
But in his room, our man don't stop thinking to the girl.
-
Some hours ago, someone knock at the door.
so, this is the cute, night dressed like a flower and requesting for a kiss.
Of course, they do love during the complete night.
-
It's morning.
Our guy open the eyes and see a stone on his body with a paper sticked :
"First supplication,
you have to marry my daughter and give her a child otherwise i kill you"
Ok, he thinks, maybe easy! what is next?
"Second supplication, Right ball linked to the bed"
Furiously, he throw the stone over the window, but a paper underside drop :
"Third supplication,
Left ball linked with that stone"

:w00t:
Somewhere on the world, a goddess cry, waiting a real love.
A simple spirit heard the pain of her heart,
look her and see a tear falling on the floor.
By a simple kiss, tenderly, pains disappears.
Like a guardian angel, guided by a burning love,
he promise to marry her one day.

#14 sailormari

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Posted 06 April 2007 - 09:39 PM

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the East coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, "They're all looking to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want,"

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...but pigeon-toed." The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed." The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!" So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified, the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.

He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. "Well," explained the farmer, "she was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell... pregnant when you met her."
Grand Master Shogun SailorMari and part of the Mari Branch of W.H.O.A. (World-wide HELLO! Otaku Academy)
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#15 Epsilon

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Posted 07 April 2007 - 08:25 PM

Why is helium so friendly?
Because it's a nobel gas :lol:

man that cracked up the whole class, damn nerds :whistle:
Question: What do you do when you forget the choreography during a concert?

I'll look at the audience and try to convince them that there are absolutely no moves at this point (- ̄∀ ̄-)/~~~


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#16 greah

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Posted 07 April 2007 - 08:40 PM

my fav

So you have George Bush, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
We have Kaczynski and... no wonder, no hope and no cash.

#17 sailormari

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Posted 07 April 2007 - 08:54 PM

Your Star Trek Captain Might Be A Redneck If...

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month

He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles

You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"

He refers to Klingons as "Critters"

He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"

He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil

There is a stuffed possum in the Ready Room

He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section

He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"

He resigned his command because he always wanted to own a fireworks stand

He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen

He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle

He replicates items from the Graceland gift shop

The primary colour of the Starship is "bondo"

He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it

He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "E"gage"

He can't wait to go off-duty, so he can wear his favourite baseball cap

He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser

He's ever been too drunk to use the Transporter

His Starfleet uniform has a slogan on it

He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"

He tries to pick up alien women with animal noises and seductive tongue gestures

Visiting dignitaries have heard about his giant beer can collection

He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens

He calls his second-in-command "Buddy", instead of "Number One"

He watches professional wrestling on the main viewscreen

His orders to set coordinates include the phrase "Over yonder"

He paints the starship John Deere green

He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"

There is a spit cup attached to his command chair

He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"

His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale

He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"

He grabs an Ensign and says "Lookit this before I flush it!"

His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls

He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge

His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans & weenies
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#18 KNP6bI

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Posted 07 April 2007 - 10:17 PM

words of the last french prime minister : (sorry, but it was fun :sob: )

Youngs have the destiny to beeing old

The future is a succesion of days

Widoed womens live more than her's husbands

My Yes is more than a No for the No

I don't work for me, i don't have an hypertrophied egocentrism

XD

Dou you know why frenchies choose the cock for their emblem?
Because it is the only one animal who can sing with feets in the sh**it !!!
XD :sob:
Somewhere on the world, a goddess cry, waiting a real love.
A simple spirit heard the pain of her heart,
look her and see a tear falling on the floor.
By a simple kiss, tenderly, pains disappears.
Like a guardian angel, guided by a burning love,
he promise to marry her one day.

#19 「☆☆☆」

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Posted 08 April 2007 - 12:45 AM

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

Apparently, this is the "World's Most Funniest Joke", but I don't think it's that funny lol

#20 Mattthecat

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Posted 08 April 2007 - 01:16 AM

Since the topic of this board is music I guess (yeah it's an old but still true one) this joke must be archived here as well:

"Two musicians walk by a pub..."

Call me the future Mr. Matsuura (after her inevitable divorce from Keita)
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