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#1 Lalalaalala

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Posted 09 August 2017 - 10:37 PM

Hi! 

I've written a story that i would love to share with you guys and get feedback.. the first 4 "chapters" are posted here 

When there's a NSFW chapter, it will be posted on the blog as well (that way people can follow the link at their own risk?)

Spoiler

 

I hope you like it.. if not thats fine too.. so yay ! 

there's a looot of ships in this, so i'm not going to pin it down to specifics, but the ones that started it are Chisato and Mai. 

ChiiMai? what's it called? 

well yeah.. 

Website: Chapter 1-4

Page 1: Chapter 5-17

Page 2: 18-

 

Chapter 1-18: Prelude.

Chapter: 19 - Actual Story HERE WE GO!  (Yes I just referenced Jama Shinaide HERE WE GO!..... it's a good song.)

DISCLAIMER:

Spoiler

 

thank you for reading..


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#2 ulises

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Posted 10 August 2017 - 12:46 PM

"Sorry, the page you were looking for in this blog does not exist."

#3 Lalalaalala

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Posted 10 August 2017 - 01:10 PM

Well I figure I'll just post the chapters here as well. Easier, probs. 

 

so here it is 

 

Chapter 5

 

Mai sat on the couch and stared blankly at the paused screen on the TV. She felt stupid and rejected. Seeing Chisato at the playground, and feeling the concern the latter had for her, she had found herself with a strain of hope that Chisato hadn't lied – that she had simply backed out of her confession, because she got too nervous, and therefore had to pretend it was all fake. Of course Mai knew this was close to impossible, but hope took the best of her. When she was invited back to her senpai's place, she decided to take control of the situation, and figure out one way or another, if Chissa's feelings were fake or not. More than ever did she appreciate the silk nightgown Airi had bought her for Christmas – she needed all the appeal she could get. While Chisato was in the kitchen for tea, Mai had tripped around in the living-room building up confidence. Her older friend’s odd and nervous-like dorky behaviour was adorable and reassuring to Mai, and she had somehow felt really excited about the possible outcomes of that night. She felt that this, right now, was the perfect time for them. They had known each other for 7-8 years, been group-mates, been best friends... and now possibly.. She had covered her head with her hands, holding in an excited squeal. When the time came to choose a film herself, she saw a perfect opportunity to get closer to Chissa, in a discrete but seductive way. But the outcome had been no less disappointing than it had expected. The harsh push from Chisato had caused Mai's tiny body to crash up against the metal arm-rest on the couch resulting in an agonizing pain in her right arm. And there she was, alone, in pain and mentally crushed. She felt tears pushing behind her eyes, but she refused to cry. Instead she sat up stiffly, waiting for Chisato to come back with the popcorn. The word “PSYCHO” on the screen made her feel really bad about herself, as if it was directly pointed towards her.
You're a psycho for thinking Chisato wasn't faking.”

 

“You're a psycho for believing you meant something more to her.”
“You're a psycho for thinking you could mean anything to anyone ever.”
“You're a psycho...”

 

“Popcorn's ready.” sounded Chissa's voice uneasily. Mai refused to look at her, but nodded silently with half a smile on her face. She watched as her older friend put the popcorn on the table, glance towards the couch seat next to Mai but chose to sit in one of the side-chairs. Surprised, Mai looked her friend directly in the eyes with her mouth half open – as if she was about to say something. Chissa replied with a nervous – obviously forced smile. That was the last drop – she couldn't hold back the tears any longer. She felt like an idiot as she burst out crying, witnessing her senpai's face fill with worry and confusion.

 

“Ma-Mai chan!” She exclaimed, moving uneasily on her chair – obviously not sure what to do.

 

Mai didn't respond. Instead she buried her head in her safety-pillow and continued to sob silently – but violently.

 

“You're an idiot, Hagiwara.” she thought to herself “Stop crying, you fool. You're exposing yourself too obviously.”

 

She tried to comfort herself in the darkness that the pillow brought her, but the thought of looking up to stare directly into the eyes of her sempai, unable to explain what was happening to her, seemed too scary, and comfort was unreachable. She suddenly felt a bump in the couch and a hand awkwardly placed on her back. Resisting the temptation to seek comfort in the older's arms, Mai didn't move a muscle. Her sobbing stopped slowly, but she still refused to look up. The room was completely silent besides a small electric sound coming from the DVD player. After what seemed like an eternity, Chisato finally broke the silence:

 

“What happened?”

 

“I don't know.” answered Mai truthfully, still hiding her face in the pillow. She really hadn't the slightest idea of what had happened all day. It was all so strange.

 

A little moment of silence before Chisato half-whispered:

 

“Did I do something wrong?”

 

“...Yes.. No.. I don't know.” answered the younger, turning her head slightly upwards, locking her eyes on the TV-screen. She felt Chisato's hand on her back clutch into a fist and heard her half couch half gulp. God this was an awkward situation. “No, no you didn't do anything wrong.” she finally said. Chisato let out a small sigh.

 

“Are you sure?” she answered unsure.

 

“Yes I'm sure. How could you possibly have done anything wrong? You're the kindest, most caring person I ever met, and you..” Mai stopped herself “No, you didn't do anything wrong. It was all me. I'm sorry.”

 

She felt her older group-mate adjust her seating before saying:
“Is it about.. you know.. what I said... earlier?” the latter asked.

 

 Mai didn't answer. Anything she did now would either be a lie or too revealing.

 

“It is, huh..” said Chisato. Alright, she knew. Mai gave a small nod.

 

“Right.. I should've known it was a bad idea. I'm so sorry, Mai. I really am.”

 

Mai could her Chissa's voice cracking at the end of that sentence, giving her a clear message, that the latter was about to break into tears. Immediately she turned to face her glass-eyed friend, exclaiming:
“Nononono, please Chissa, no. Don't worry. I'm not angry at you for that, I swear. It was a fun joke, and I'm sure the fans will love it.” it didn't seem like her words were helping, because her older friends cheeks had turned completely red, and tears were running down.

 

“Oh please, Chissa, trust me. I'm angry at me, not you. I swear, please.”

 

“Wh—wha... why a-are you a-angry at yours-self?” the tone of Chisato's voice was a mixture between confusion and a fight to control an uncontrollable sob, and the result was rather comic, making Mai smile and Chisato laugh.

 

“It's just been a weird day.” Mai said calmly.

 

“Very w-weird in-deed.” said Chissa “I ha-haven't experienced s-uch a so-obfest since our de-ebut.”

 

Mai laughed.

 

“I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble.” she said, smiling regretfully at her senpai.

 

“Oh Mai,” Chisato finally seemed to have gained control over her breathing “you – of all people – are never a bother. You know you can tell me everything.”

 

“I can't tell you everything.” Mai said, not sure why she hadn't just said 'thank you' and let it roll.

 

Surprised, Chisato said:

 

“Yes. You can, really.”

 

It was too late to back down on it now, so:

 

“No, trust me, Chissa. I can't.”

 

“Mai, you're scaring me. What is it?”.

 

The look in her senpai’s eyes seemed like a blend of scared and confused, which caused Mai to stop herself. Chissa didn’t want to know what she was about to say, even though she might be extremely curious about it. Mai told herself that she had been painfully obvious the last half an hour, and Chisato was starting to realize what this all meant, and she didn’t like it. The younger girl decided to back out. The pain wouldn’t be worth it. It wouldn’t be bearable.

 

“Sometimes I think about quitting being an idol.” was the thought that passed through Mai’s train of thought and then out of her mouth. The atmosphere in the room turned heavy again. Chissa had removed her hand from her junior’s back and was just starring at her.
“You… want to quit?”

 

“NO.. yes.. maybe.. probably not.” At this point Mai was just saying everything she was thinking. The thought of quitting had never appeared to her before, but at this point it kind of seemed like the easier way out.

 

“Don’t do it.” Chisato’s tone was suddenly harsh and with a slight hint of anger. “Don’t you dare do it.” She repeated. Mai looked up and was a little frightened by how cold Chissa looked all of for sudden. She couldn’t quite make out if it was pain, anger or just plain annoyance that she could see in her seniors’ eyes. She could feel traces of her own annoyance appear inside of her. Who was Chissa to tell her what to do. Why would she react this way- to a problem that obviously pained Mai (despite the fact that it hadn’t really come to mind until 3 minutes ago, but her senpai didn’t know that, for all she knew this could be what had bothered Mai all day)… It just seemed selfish.

 

“Told you I couldn’t tell you everything.” Was the only thing Mai could bring herself to say.
“Don’t. Even. Think. About. Doing it.” She sounded like a broken record. Mai got really annoyed. Maybe she should quit being an idol – at least it would help her get far far away from Okai-san, who clearly brings her nothing but trouble. She suddenly pushed herself off the sofa. She couldn’t leave, she had told her mother she would stay out, and the latter was already angry with her for leaving in the first place. Mai would be grounded if she chose to walk home alone at this hour. Instead she threw herself in the armchair Okai-san was formerly sitting on- this one just starring stupidly at her. She took the remote and muttered
“Let’s just watch the stupid film.”
Then pressed play.


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#4 Lalalaalala

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 09:44 PM

again, feedback (both positive and negative) would be much appreciated. 

Ohhh also if some of it doesn't make sense, I apologize. English is my third language, so I'm obviously no expert. 

Hope it makes sense though.. yay


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#5 Ambenya

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Posted 14 August 2017 - 03:35 AM

Hey, I like how this is going. :good:

I hope everything works out for these two. :unsure:

And poor Nakky in the previous chapter. :(

Keep writing I would love to see where this goes ^_^ . 

I will be waiting for the next chapter. <3


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#6 Lalalaalala

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Posted 14 August 2017 - 08:46 AM

Oh thank you so much for reading!!!! really appreciate it!!

I hope you'll accept whats coming... i'm really sorry in advance haha


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#7 Lalalaalala

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Posted 14 August 2017 - 10:29 PM

Next chapter ayyy. There's a teeny tiny bit of NSFW in here, but I dont know if it's enough for me to publish it on my blog instead. It's really nothing, but I don't know what the limits are on here. 

Keep me posted if you'd rather I posted NSFW elsewhere. 

 

alright - here's two, because why not. 

 

Chapter 6:

 

 

The door closed behind Maimi, the latter not casting a second glance back at her junior standing behind her, confused, covered in a towel. Nacky stood for a good 15 minutes, staring at the door, waiting for something – granted she didn't know what, but she felt the situation had been left rather unfinished. Her and Maimi had spent a hot and steamy hour together – and hour that had made Nacky feel like a little girl in Disney land, surrounded by all her favourite princesses. And then suddenly, it was over. Maimi had achieved what Nacky could only imagine was an orgasm, where after she didn't hesitate for a second before jumping out of bed, getting dressed and leaving. She didn't say a word, didn't make a sound and avoided all eye-contact. Nacky pondered for a second before she reached the conclusion, that Maimi probably had remembered something very important work, and had to leave immediately. Saki ignored the fact that it was now 2:30am, thus very unlikely. Instead she tried to level with herself about what had just happened. She tried to remember backwards, to the point where Maimi had arrived. It had all happened so fast, and the many thoughts – pictures – going through her head made her blush heavily and giggle to herself. It had happened. It had really happened. Maimi wanted her in the same way that she had wanted Maimi – she could only assume after the night they had just spent together. Unable to hold in all of her emotions, Saki started dancing around in the living-room with her hands over her head. Suddenly she spotted the glass of red wine that she had forgotten to put away.

“Well a drink of celebration is better than a drink of loneliness!” she chanted and ran over to her glass. She lifted it up the air and murmured:
“To love.” and then she downed the entire thing. The taste suddenly seemed a lot better, and she could already feel her head having a slight buzz. She poured herself another glass, this one lasting longer, as she only took sips in between dances. When that glass was done, the buzz in her head had  gotten stronger, and had led to uncontrollable giggles.

“I want to call Chissaa~” she chanted, dancing her way to her phone. Ignoring the fact that the clock now showed 3:05, she awkwardly typed in Chisato's number and pressed call. Each beep on the line made Nacky giggle like a little girl. She was about to tell Chissa about her night. Her wonderful out of this world night. Quite possibly the best night of her life. To her surprise, the call was lead to voicemail. A little disappointed, she stared at her phone-screen with a pout, when suddenly it vibrated. She had gotten a mail from Chissa with the title “Sorry~”. Excited, she opened it and read it out lout:

 

“Nackyy, I’m sorry I can't talk right now. Watching a movie with Mai in the room.
Thank you for everything today, really! I hope you're okay. I'll call you in the morning, okay? Chisato.”

 

 

Nacky let out a squeal of happiness. Chissa was with Mai – meaning the two of them had worked it out somehow, and she had been... very… intimate with Maimi. It was all working out so perfectly. She lay down on her couch starring at the loft. She then realised that she was still pretty wet. Maimi had reached an orgasm, but she hadn't. Not that it mattered, as long as Maimi was happy, she was fine. Although it was rather annoying – like an itch she knew only had one way of disappearing. Finishing was unusually easy, but that was normal considering the pictures she had in her head. Satisfied, she turned on the tv. She knew she should go to bed, but there was absolutely no way she could sleep now. The programs were of course mindlessly stupid, but somehow she was entertained. She poured herself another glass of wine and raised it to Chissa and Mai probably cuddling it up and watching a movie. She giggled again, and sat back down happily and flipped through the channels on tv trying to find something interesting to watch.
Until suddenly she came across a very familiar face in the background on one of the variety shows.

“AIRI?!” she exclaimed. Indeed, it was her own younger group-mate who was on the show with 7 other good-looking girls, who Nacky recognized being from different idol groups. The most famous person there was probably Takahashi Minami from the group AKB48. There were some boy talents too, who she recognized being from Johnny's groups. Confused, she kept watching as the show progressed. The name of the show was ‘Aidoru Taakusu’, and it seemed it was just that. A group of idols who were talking seriously about problems they come across. The topic of tonight was “Problems that occur when meeting fans on the street”. It was quite interesting, a younger AKB girl – Kawaei Rina – was talking about how she felt some fans would follow her around, and she would sometimes look out the window of her apartment to see the same face of the man who was staring at her in the bus standing outside evidently doing nothing. Airi wasn’t saying much, mostly just reacting and then look pretty.
“She is a very pretty girl after all~” Nakky hummed to herself. She did wonder, however, why she had never heard Airi speaking about being on this show. Since she couldn’t possibly imagine that it was live, she decided to shoot her friend and email. Trying not to sound drunk, she wrote

 

 

“AIRI CHAAAAAN~ I CAaN SEE YoOU ON THHE TV THINBG.
- NAKki”

 

Nailed it. Suddenly Airi’s face on TV turned very troubled, and she looked down. Nakki had been very focused on trying to sound sane over the email, so she hadn’t paid attention to what had been said to make Airi react that way. Kawaei was talking to one of the Johnny’s boys who had had a similar experience, and was telling her to be careful, as having a stalker could mean he was watching right now, and would get angry at Kawaei for feeling troubled about him.

“Suzuki-San, are you on your phone?” Tahahashi Minami suddenly interrupted.
Airi looked back up very surprised
“Yes, I’m sorry, I just got an unexpected mail. I really didn’t mean to take focus off the conversation. Please Kawaei-chan, Nakajima-San, I didn’t mean to intrude. Do go on.”

“Please remain from being so rude in the future.” Said Minami harshly.
“Minami-san, please, it’s ok” said Kawaei. She seemed like a good girl. Very cute too.
“I’m sorry.” Said Airi, embarrassed. She looked down briefly and then seemed to put her phone away. Not long after Nakki felt her phone vibrate.

 

 

“Hey Nakky. You sound like you are having fun. Please take care of yourself, ok?
And please refrain from writing to me at this hour. I don’t know
what you mean about TV, but I was asleep.
I will talk to you tomorrow, ok?
Airi.”

 

 

Nakki was confused for a second. Then it hit her. “The show is live?” To test this theory, Nakki drunkenly decided to call her friend. She waited patiently.
“It seems your pocket is vibrating, Suzuki-chan.” Said the Johnny’s boy sitting next to her “Someone really wants to talk to you tonight.”
“I am so sorry!!” poor Airi said, and quickly rejected Nakki’s call. “It’s my friend. I don’t know what has gotten into her.”
The show was live. At this hour? Nakki was confused. She decided to leave Airi alone, she could question her about it the next day. It was probably time for her to sleep anyway, her head was spinning and the wine had suddenly made her very tired. She didn’t bother to move out of the couch before she was fast asleep. 

 

 

Chapter 7: 

 

The talk that was going on in front of her scared Airi – the idea of being stalked was uncomfortable and terrifying. But somehow right now, it was the fact that Nakky would probably be asking her about this the morning after seemed a lot worse at this time. What was she doing up anyway? It was 4:45 am, and they all had work early in the morning. She decided to write an email to her friend once the show was over – which was very soon anyway, the queue card to wrap the show up had just been shown. She would get a scolding for her behaviour today for sure. Worried, she waited patiently for the final words to be said, and the bell ringing to suggest the camera was now off and the show was over.

“Suzuki-Chan” said a voice almost immediately. Airi felt heart drop. She’d been in the business for 10 years, and it was still very scary to be scolded.
“Yes, manager-san?” she said shyly.
“Please turn off your phone next time, ok? Now go home and get some sleep. We have to be at work in 5 hours, and it would be good for you to get at least two hours of sleep before that.” He said calmly. He wasn’t angry. Airi sighed of relief.
“Who wrote you?” he then asked.
“Nakajima-san.” She answered.

“Kento-kun? He wasn’t on his phone though.”
“No… Saki.”
“Oh. Well. We’ll have to talk to her in the morning. Goodnight for now. Good work.”
“Good work.”
He walked away. She took this opportunity to shoot Nakky an email.

 

“Hey Nakky. Sorry I lied. We’ll talk about this
in the morning in private, please.
I hope you are well, you sounded drunk earlier.
Airi”

 

Then she went into the dressing room to change into her regular clothes. Everyone had gone already, except for Kawaei sitting on her phone in the corner of the room.
“Kawaei-san. You’re still here.” Said Airi, surprised. The little cute girl looked up from her phone. Airi noticed a hint of glass in her eyes.
“Oh... Suzuki-San... Hey” she mumbled quietly “Good work today.”
“I am sorry for interrupting you like th..”
“What if he saw the show?” said the younger girl with a troubled tone in her voice. Airi was confused.
“What if… who… saw the show?”

“Oh I’m sorry, you were distracted, I forgot. I am sorry” said Kawaei “I hope it wasn’t a bad text you got, someone so desperately trying to contact you is never good. I hope you are ok.”
What a sweet girl, Airi thought.
“Oh no, don’t worry really, I should apologize for not being more careful. It was just a group member who saw me on TV and got excited…”
“Ah…” Said the younger idol “I am glad it’s nothing serious…”
Airi noticed the girl looking scared and uncomfortable – very fragile.
“Kawaei-san… Who are you afraid saw the show?”
No answer. Instead the poor girl burst into tears. Airi suddenly remembered what they were talking about and let out a simple: “oh…”

“I’m so scared…” whispered the girl who Airi could suddenly see under the make-up looked a lot younger than before. A lot weaker. She sat down next to her, but didn’t touch her. She was too awkward to do so.
“I’m afraid to walk home… I am afraid to take the train… I can’t be picked up by my parents because I don’t live with them anymore and it would be rude and selfish of me to wake them up at this our… I just… I just don’t know what to do anymore.” Airi had never heard so much desperation in a voice before. She couldn’t imagine the fear the idol was feeling. She wanted to help, but she had no idea how.

“I’m sorry to be troubling you like this…” said Kawaei. Airi suddenly felt very guilty for not saying anything.
“No no no not at all” she hurried to say “I am so sorry, I just have no idea what to say… I can’t possibly imagine how you feel.”

“It’s ok… I just… I feel happy I can talk about this… thank you…” Airi couldn’t seem to stop herself from hugging the poor idol. The latter’s body stiffened in surprise for a while, but then eased into it and started sobbing onto Airi’s shoulder.

“Come stay with me.” Said the older girl, gently padding Kawaei on the back.

“Wh—what?”
“I know we don’t know each other that well. But I worry for you, you said you were too afraid to go home. I live alone too, you know.”
“B—but…”
“I understand if you don’t want too. I don’t want to pressure you or anything. It was just a suggestion.”
Kawaei was quiet for a while. She looked quite pensive.
“Suzuki-san… are you… serious about this?”
“100%.” Airi said truthfully.
“Suzuki-san… thank you… it… it would be nice not to be alone…”
“Ok well it’s settled then. You can come stay with me.”
“Oh.. Thank you Suzuki-sa-“
“On one condition.”
“What is it? I’ll do anything…”
“You have to properly start calling me Airi from now on.”
Kawaei smiled for the first time since they had started talking.
“Only if you call me Rina.” She answered.
“Deal.”


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

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#8 Lalalaalala

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Posted 20 August 2017 - 02:48 AM

Alright i'm not getting feedback, but I might as well continue.. 

 

Chapter 8: 

 

Mai was awakened by the morning sun coming in through the window. She was still in the arm-chair, where she had probably fallen asleep during the movie. She didn’t remember having a blanket over her when she fell asleep. It was probably Okai-san who had put it over her before going to bed. The two of them hadn’t talked at all during the movie. The tension between them had been very awkward, and Mai suddenly felt sorry that the evening ended that way. She wasn’t sure what had happened, but she had for some reason gotten really annoyed at Okai-san… or was it her who had gotten annoyed at Mai… it was all very confusing.
“What a terrible evening..” she mumbled to herself. She looked at the clock. It was 6am and she had one hour before Okai-san probably got up to get ready. Suddenly it dawned upon her that she was referring to her senpai as ‘Okai-san’ even in her head. Had she really gotten that distant from her? The girl who used to be her closest friend? Is that what being in love does to you? How not worth it… Was she still in love, though? Or was it just the hype from yesterday that had thrown her off track. Surely, she was still into men. She had had so many crushes over time- all on men. Surely, you can’t like both… can you? She googled it. Apparently you could – people called it being Bi-sexual. Having been an idol since the age of 7, Mai had never really learnt about these things. Bi-Sexual… no, she wasn’t bi-sexual, was she? She didn’t like to think about it. She convinced herself that her love for Okai-san was purely momentarily madness, and what she felt for her senpai was nothing but admiration and friendship. She was happy with this conclusion and decided to make peace with Chissa by preparing some pancakes for breakfast.

 

The pancakes took a long time to make, since Mai was a terrible cook and had only tried making pancakes 1 time before. Just as she was putting the first pancake on the frying pan, Chisato showed up in the kitchen door, looking awfully cute with a morning-pout and frizzy hair.
“Mornin’” said Mai happily.
“Ehm.. hi.. what are you doing?”
“Making pancakes – it’s a thank you for letting me stay over… and for letting me borrow your clothes.”
“…I didn’t lend you any clothes, you still wearing that se-I mean cute night dress.”
“Well yeah… but I can’t show up to work like this” Mai said and laughed – very thrilled about how close Chissa was to saying sexy, there. She turned her head to the pancake on the pan to hide her blush. She noticed a flutter in her chest, and chose to ignore it.
“Oh well that’s true…let me see if I can find something that’ll fit you…” said Chisato and began to turn around.

“AFTER breakfast!” said Mai steadily, then waved the kitchen gear at Chissa “Set the table now.”

Chisato laughed a little awkwardly.

“Ok mother-dearest,” she said jokingly. Mai pushed her playfully to the side as they both giggled. Mai smiled to herself as she flipped the pancake. This felt like it was back to normal. She couldn’t feel any resentment from last night at all.

“I’m sorry if I made you mad last night” said the older girl. Mai observed her in between taking care of her pancakes – she was seemingly still not awake enough to find the plates in her own kitchen. She was such a dork, Mai couldn’t help smiling about it.

“It’s okay, it was late and it had been a long day” she answered and meant it “I’m not even really sure what I got mad about, I must have been very tired”

“Did you mean it though?” asked Chissa. Mai put the 4th pancake onto the plate next to her. This one wasn’t as burnt as the others, so she concluded that she must be learning. She hadn’t realized Chissa had said anything, before the latter repeated herself.

“Maimai.. did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“That you wanted to quit being an idol...”

“Oh.. that..” Mai stopped what she was doing, trying to figure out an answer that would sound like she had been worrying about that for a while “Ehm.. yeah.. sometimes, I guess… you know, after a very long week with a lot of work, or when you see a hot guy coming down the street who you think ‘hey I could totally date him if I wasn’t an idol, but nooooo because idols have rules and I am one so I have to follow those rules no matter how hot the guy is because fans get mad and we don’t want fans to get mad because that’s bad business and..’ “ she was rambling, she noticed Chissa’s seemingly annoyed expression, though she couldn’t quite tell as she still looked quite tired “… and so on.. you know?”

Chissa was quiet for a while, leaving Mai to worry about whether her story had been convincing enough. She hoped it wasn’t too obvious after the night before that she was talking about loving a boy. Hopefully this way her friend, where Mai put a lot of emphasis on the word friend even in her mind, wouldn’t find out that Mai had ever doubted for a second that she was straight.. not that it would have mattered if she did, because Mai was pretty sure that she was straight, and tha-

“Your pancake is burning..” Chissa interrupted Mai’s train of thought, as she suddenly found herself back in the kitchen starring right down into her cooking.

The pancake was in fact burnt.


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

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#9 Lalalaalala

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 04:55 PM

Chapter 9 

 

Chissa looked at the younger girl who was swearing to herself about the burnt pancake. She couldn’t hear most of what was being said, but it sounded like there was a lot of ‘For crying out loud’, ‘stupid’ and ‘pancake killer’ being thrown around. She was trying not to think about the emphasis Maimai had put on ‘boy’ when talking about her worries with love, but not surprisingly, it was impossible. It was clear that the younger was making it absolutely obvious how not into women she was, in order to avoid having to ask Chissa whether or not she was. Which meant that Maimai had probably gotten disgusted at the idea of them being together, therefore wanted to make it clear that it was never going to happen whether or not Chissa was being serious about it. She sighed quietly to herself. At least she had gotten a clear answer now. That’s what she wasn’t, wasn’t it? That’s what her and Nakky had agreed was the best to figure out, in order for the two of them to be on the same page. Well now they definitely were. So she should be relieved, shouldn’t she?

“Pancakes are.. well… they’re there” said Mai and put down a plate of very varied pancakes in front of a quiet Chissa “I hope they’re edible..”

“Thank you Mai, they look great” said the older, who was only half there.

“Don’t lie to me, Chissa.” It sounded coldly from the kohai, which forced the former to focus.

“Oh sorry, I’m only half here, I’m still half asleep.,” she said quickly, and hoped it sounded real.

“Good, then maybe your taste buds will still be half asleep too..” Maimai sounded genuinely disappointed about the pancakes turning out the way they did, which made Chissa smile.

“Don’t worry Maimai, I’m sure they’ll be twice as delicious as they look”

“0 times 2 is still 0” she mumbled disappointedly.

“Oh stop it. Here, I’ll try them right now!” said the older, who proceeded to grab a pancake and take a huge bite of it. Then she started laughing loudly, her mouth still full of pancake.

“What, what? Why are you laughing?” asked Mai worriedly.

“Th-they’re abso-solutely dis-gusting” laughed chissa hysterically. Mai, who was visibly offended, frowned, which only made the older laugh harder. The dough was burnt on the outside but liquid on the inside, the taste was way too salty for a sugary pancake and when you chewed it, it felt like it was growing in your mouth, making it hard to breathe. She desperately tried to swallow, but it was hard to do whilst laughing.

“I worked really hard on these..” said Mai angrily. Chissa thought to herself that her kohai’s angry pout was adorable, and she stopped laughing.

“I’m so sorry Maimai, but seriously.. they’re the worst pancakes I’ve ever had.” She said, and observed happily as Mai, visibly offended grabbed her own pancake and in order to redeem herself said: “I’m sure they’re not THAT bad” before taking a huge bite of it. Then she observed as Mai’s face turned green and eyes widened.

“Phoh my ghod” said the younger through the pancake “yhou’re rhighth, itsh horrible!”

Not being able to hold it in any longer, Chisato burst out laughing again. Mai ran to the sink and washed out her mouth before joining.

“You actually swallowed your bite. I really appreciate that” said Mai happily after a good 3 minutes of pure laughter.

“Anything for you, my dear” answered Chisato with a grin, “Just never that again!”

“I can’t say I blame you” she giggled. Chissa smiled at her kohai, who was smiling back. ‘You’re so beautiful’ she thought, and really had to refrain herself from saying it out loud. Boy, did she want to though. Surely there could be a way of saying it without it being weird, she thought.

“Well, at least you’re so beautiful, that hot boy you were talking about won’t care you can’t cook” she tried, but as she noticed her friends face change slightly she added “…probably” and hoped it would make the whole thing less serious. Mai nodded once and sat quietly looking downwards. Chissa got mad at herself, why did she insist on trying to hit on Mai, when the latter so clearly had shown her what page she was on. Chissa new the next thing her younger friend was gonna say was going to be some kind of rejection, so when she looked back up and opened her mouth to say something, Chissa interrupted by saying:

“We should probably find you some clothes, we need to leave for work soon.”

Mai looked taken aback from then sudden interruption, but only for a second before shaking her head slightly and getting up
“Yeah you’re probably right.. We’ll eat something at work.. I’m sorry breakfast was such a flop.”

“Hey, seriously, I just appreciate you trying at all” she smiled gently “you really didn’t have to do that”

“I felt bad about how mad I was last night for no reason when you were just showing concern for my worries.” Chissa wanted to hug her, but felt too awkward to, so she gently patted her on the back, which she then immediately regretted. To get out of the uncomfortable situation, she used the patting to gently push her group-mate out of the kitchen towards the bedroom to find some clothes.

“That’s sweet of you to say” she said “but I wasn’t as much showing concern as I was telling you what to do. I’m sorry I did that, I was just too biased..” she said.

“What do you mean, biased?” asked the younger. Chissa stopped walking and paused. Mai turned around to see what was happening, and the former looked her in the eyes

“.. I mean I don’t know what I would do without you if you left, so I couldn’t stand the idea of you thinking about it.” Chissa was worried about being a little too cheesy, but she was happy she had expressed herself in a way that showed Mai how much she cared about her, romantically or not. The latter smiled quietly and hugged her senior, who seemed very surprised before hugging her back.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you either” said Mai “You’re my closest friend.”

“And you’re mine.”

They stood there hugging for a little while before letting go, whilst chuckling a little over the seriousness of the situation.

“Come on, you cheeseball” said Chissa, shoving her friend lovingly “let’s find you some clothes”


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

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#10 ulises

ulises

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 06:17 PM

The story is like a shojo manga, but i like it.  ^_^



#11 Lalalaalala

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 06:44 PM

I guess it is like that haha! Thank you for reading though :) 


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#12 Lalalaalala

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Posted 29 August 2017 - 12:05 AM

Chapter 10

 

“Did you sleep ok?” Airi asked her houseguest, who had been crashing on the couch.

“Yeah just fine, thank you.” Answered the young girl tiredly “And thank you again so much for having me”

“Don’t even worry about it for a second, you can stay here as long as you like if you don’t feel safe”

“You really are too kind..” said Kawaei quietly.

“Trust me, it’s the least I can do.” Answered Airi lively.

“How can you be so awake, we only got 3;30 hours of sleep” said the young stranger and yawned.

“Aww, you’re not a morning person” said Airi jokingly.

“I am, but I am also a human being!” the younger laughed happily.

“Yeah I know, but I got used to it. And so will you!” these were supposed to be words of encouragement, but the houseguest just groaned loudly and hid under her duvet. ¨

“Every week?” she asked exhaustedly

“Every week..” Airi confirmed empathetically.

“Man, I sure hope my manager wasn’t kidding when he said it would get me and the group more exposure when I’m on night TV!”

“Yeah I’ve been meaning to ask you that, why is AKB on there? You guys are nationally famous, and such extra tough work seems unnecessary”

“You’ve been wanting to ask ME that?” asked Kawaei in a very confused tone. This threw Airi off.

“Ehm.. well.. what do you mean?” she asked, sounding just as confused as Kawaei.

“Well Takamina has been on the show for ages, and is the AKB-manager, AND a first gen, go-to member of AKB… so why wait to ask me?” Kawaei paused for a little bit when noticing Airi’s visibly confused expression and added “I’m sorry, I guess I’m just not used to people seeking out to me for serious questions, I am known as the most stupid in my group after all..”

“Oh,” Airi answered “It’s quite simple actually. That Bakayarou test showed you were adorable, and Takamina really scares me… so I guess you were more approachable!”

“Thank you..” said Kawaei who looked deep in thought. Airi looked at her a little bit. She found her to be a very open book, considering she had only stayed over for one night, and Airi already seemed to get a good hint about the girl’s complexes and weaknesses. She kinda found it very sweet about her.

“Would you like some juice or something before I leave for work? You’re free to hang out here if you want, with it being your day off and all!” she offered.

“I … should … go home …” answered the poor girl very slowly and worryingly. Airi felt so bad for her. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to actually be afraid to go home because some crazy fan was following you, but she didn’t want to seem pushy about having her stay either, as they hardly knew each other, and Kawaei might find it creepy.

“You can do as you please,” she started “you can go home, or you can stay here or somewhere else.  I can also come to yours with you if you just want to make sure you get there safely. Whatever you want, whatever you need, I’m here for you!” Kawaei smiled sweetly and sighed as though she had been holding her breath for a while.

“If it’s really ok with you… can I… stay here for a while?”

“No.” answered Airi in a cold and serious tone. The poor houseguest looked surprised, scared and confused at the same time:

“Oh? But… ok… ehm…” she looked bewildered. Airi started laughing and felt bad for Kawaei’s face that only got worse.

“I am so sorry, very poorly timed, very poor joke! Of course you can stay here!”

“Oh, thank you…” Said Kawaei who still looked quite confused. She was very pretty, Airi thought. She hated that such a pretty and nice girl could get so harassed by old creepy men. Of course Airi had no idea what the stalker looked like, but she imagined it was one of those creepy old men that would always ask her disgusting questions when they shook hands.

“How long have you been doing the show?” asked Kawaei.

“Hmm, about three weeks now? I don’t know..”
“And you haven’t told your group mates about it? Why not?”

“Have you?” asked Airi, surprised.

“Well.. some of them.. the ones I talk to usually. Why, is that weird?”

“Oh no, I guess not” pondered Airi, “I just haven’t because they would get mad at me for over working myself”

“Oh yeah?” asked Kawaei in wonderment.

“Yeah, we’ve been together for almost 10 years now, you know? We see each other as sisters. I knew I would get very mad at them if I knew they were doing this.” Said Airi.

“Well, I don’t mean to sound rude, but why?” asked the guest curiously “I mean, it’s really good exposure for you, and thereby your group… why would that make them mad? Why would you be mad at them?”

Airi wondered about this for a second. She knew the answer was going to sound weird to the AKB girl, so she tried to figure out a way to explain it as logically as possible.

“I guess it’s because I’m getting so little sleep, and putting so much pressure on myself to help the group, that they would get mad at me and tell me to take care of myself first.”

“Ah.. I see..” Kawaei thought about it for a little bit “So it’s like; your personal health is more important to them than the exposure you are getting the group?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly it.”

“That sounds nice~” Kawaei hummed dreamingly “You guys sure have been through a lot together”

“You’re right about that too. I can imagine it’s a little bit harder to act this way in a group as big as AKB” asked Airi. She had heard about this before through conversations with other idols, who all talked very badly about the 48 group’s work style and management. But she had never actually talked to an 48 member about it.

“Yeah I guess.. One has to really overwork oneself in order to just get noticed for 5 seconds with all those girls. Then if used right, those 5 seconds of fame could determine your entire idol career onwards… But I do get told by my friends in the group to take care of myself… though I’m never 100% sure it’s not to make me fall behind…”
“It’s that bad?” Asked Airi, shocked.

“Oh no no trust me, I’m making it sound a lot worse than it is, but it has been seen before that we try to make each other calm down so we can surpass them.. it’s a very competitive environment.”

“Wow… I have been lucky then!” Airi exclaimed and thought back at her time in H!P. Of course it had always been a very competitive environment, but she had never felt any of the girls were trying to knock others down. “Was the bakayarou test your 5 seconds of fame then?” she added at the end.

“I think so. I’ve gained a lot of fans since then, and have started to be used more. I even ranked quite highly in the senbatsu. So I guess you could say that I’ve been pretty lucky too, but I need to be careful not to get too comfortable. So that’s why I’m on the show… to keep the exposure.”

“Ah so it’s personal exposure, not as much group exposure.” Airi nodded in understandment.

“Yeah, and takamina is just there to get the show more views. She’s getting paid at least 3 times as much as I am for just being there.” Said Kawaei “I think it’s fair, though. 1rst gen have already done all the hard work, I’m glad they can just sit back and enjoy the spotlight now.” She seemed like such a sensible girl, Airi thought happily.
“I’m glad you’re staying here!” she exclaimed suddenly, breaking the serious tone the conversation had been going in “We’ll get to talk about all sorts of things I never could have known if we didn’t!” Kawaei looked a little surprised at the sudden exclamation, but sighed of relief when she understood what had been said.
“Me too…I really appreciate it, you know?” she said sweetly.

“I know you do, thank you for saying that. Do you want to ask someone you trust to get some of your things from yours? You should probably also ask your manager if she thinks it’s a good idea to have you stay here… “ said Airi, feeling a little stupid that she had gotten so excited about something that could very well be impossible.

“Yeah you’re right. I’ll make sure to do that when I get to work.”

“That sounds good. Here’s my number, keep me posted!” said Airi and wrote down her number on a blank piece of paper.
“Thank you. Will do.”

 

______________________________________

 

 

This is the last chapter written on my computer so far (i have like 20 written in hand) so uploads are going to be a bit slower from now on. 


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

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#13 Lalalaalala

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Posted 04 September 2017 - 03:28 AM

Chapter 11

 

“URRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH” Nakky groaned in her bed. She swore loudly at her alarm before turning it off. She looked at the ceiling from her bed. Her head was banging and her ears were ringing. She was very hungover. “This won’t look good at work today” she mumbled quietly to herself before attempting to get off the bed. A feeling of sickness overtook her body, and she ran to the bathroom and threw up in the sink.

“I am never drinking alcohol again!” she groaned into the mirror as she rinsed the sink and threw water in her face. She needed to hide the fact that she had drunken at all, considering she was still technically underage and she didn’t want to get kicked out of the group. She was a little worried about today in general as she had no idea how to interact with Maimi without giving too much away about their newfound love. But she was excited to see her again. She hoped she could sneak in a cheeky kiss when no one was looking. It was thrilling knowing they had this secret they had to keep. She knew fans had been shipping them for years, probably due to her own indiscretion, and Maimi had playfully flirted with her on camera, which Nakky had always assumed was only to please the fans as it would stop the second the cameras were turned off, but now she realised it was probably because Maimi was too shy to do it personally, as it would make it a lot more intimate. Nakky was flying high now, as she brushed her teath and readied to leave for work. Humming the Chou Happy song to herself, she danced around in midst of doing morning chores. When she was more or less ready, she grabbed her phone only to see 2 messages waiting for her. One was from Airi, who had written her right before she fell asleep watching tv.

 

“Hey Nakky. Sorry I lied. We’ll talk about this
in the morning in private, please.
I hope you are well, you sounded drunk earlier.
Airi”

 

It sounded serious, she thought. “Geez, I hope everything is ok.” She hadn’t really thought about it, being high on love and alcohol and all that, but it was a pretty strange feeling seeing Airi on live TV in the middle of the night on accident. And then having her lie about it. Nakky told herself she was probably building it up to be worse than it was, but she did find it uncomfortable. Was Airi preparing herself for a variety life after graduation? Was she planning on graduating soon? Surely not, right? Nakky felt worried, which lead her to feeling sick again. She made it to the toilet this time, but swore to herself because she now had to brush her teeth again. The second message was from Chisato.

 

“Hey Saki,

I know you probably wouldn’t, but I beg
of you not to tell Mai-chan about any
of the stuff I have told you about. I have decided
Too ignore it completely.
Our friendship is too important.

Please don’t judge me.

All the love

-          Chisato.”

 

“Huh, I guess they weren’t cuddling it up after all..” said Nakky to herself rather disappointed. She had looked forward to a secret double-date between her and Maimi and Chisato and Mai. But Chissa had refrained from using nicknames in her text, which she usually only did when she was dead serious.

 

“I wonder why it is so simple for me and Maimi, yet so complicated for them?” asked Nakky out loud to no one. She felt she should reply in the same serious tone that Chissa had used, but she also really wanted to tell her friend all about her night with Maimi. She decided that it was probably something one should do in person so she simply wrote:
 

“Understood.

-          Saki”

 

Being an adult seemed difficult, she thought to herself, you really have to be careful about what you say when and where. She then saw Maimi’s name in her contacts, and failed to resist the urge to shoot her a ‘good morning’ email too. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too much of a bother, she thought.

 

“Goodmorning Leader-sannn~

I am looking forward to seeing you today!

I hope we can spend some time together

After work. I have a clear schedule,

So just tell me, ok?

Love,

-          Nakky “

 

“SEND” she shouted happily, but quickly regretted it when the sound of her own voice made her poor head pulsate again. She felt brave, she had never sent such an email to her Leader before. But today was a new day, and she had a new relationship with her that changed everything. She looked at the clock and realised she was an hour early, but decided to go to work anyway, as showing up early could hide the fact that she had spent the night drinking.

 

 

She was the first to arrive at work that morning, so she poured herself a large glass of fresh cold water and drank it all in one sip. They were going to have a dance lesson today with the entirety of Hello! Project as they were preparing for the summer tour. The next to arrive was Morning Musume’s Sayashi Riho, who Nakky had greatly admired for her dancing abilities ever since the younger’s audition footage for the 9th generation of Morning Musume. They had on more than one occasion bonded over the love of dance, so Saki felt that Riho was one of the few girls in the agency she could talk to without having to be shy about it.

“Good morning Sayashi-chan.” She murmured happily. Sayashi didn’t seem to react. She looked rather sad, Nakky thought, but it could just as well have been sleepyness.

“Sayashi-chan?” she tried again. The younger idol jumped a little in surprise, and looked around to find the source of her shock.

“Nakajima-san?” she exclaimed hurriedly “Oh no, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there.” Nakky noticed a hint of something uncomfortable in her voice, but she had never close enough to Riho to be able to say for sure.

“It’s ok, it’s early in the morning” she said with a reassuring smile “How are you?”

“I’m…”

Nakky didn’t hear her answer. An overwhelming of sickness had caused her to stand up in a hurry in order to get to a bathroom, resulting in a pulsing headache which forced her back into a chair, fighting not to throw up on the floor. She was unsuccessful. Doing her best to ignore the burning look of a worried Riho she could feel on the back of her head, she made her way to the bathroom to find some paper towels to clean it up. When she got back, she found Riho already cleaning up after her. Embarrassed, she hurried over next to the younger idol and started taking over the cleaning process.  

“Thank you so much, Sayashi-chan, but you really don’t have to do this.” Nakky said desperately. Riho just shrugged.

“It’s ok, I’m used to this,” she coughed a little before continuing, which made something move in the back of Nakky’s mind “My – ehm – my mom is sick.”

The older looked at her kohai for a second. Something seemed very off with that statement, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

“Are you ok though? Throwing up usually isn’t a very good sign” asked Riho quietly.

“Yeah, ehm… I’m just ill – coming down with a flu I think.” Nakky lied, hoping it wasn’t too obvious. Riho nodded and mumbled:
“It is the season after all.” The lie had stuck, but she wasn’t sure it wasn’t because Riho seemed like she was very far away in her own mind “All done!” exclaimed Riho suddenly, making Saki realise that she had completely forgotten to help cleaning. She felt extremely guilty and embarrassed as Riho gathered all the paper towels and got up to throw it out. She got up herself and took the paper towels from Riho.

“Thank you so much for your help, Riho” she said “I really appreciate it. I’m so sorry for putting you in this situation.”

“It’s ok,” said Riho “You can’t help it, you’re ill after all.” Nakky smiled as gratefully as she could manage with her pulsating head.

“Is it also the flu that your mom has?” she asked, hoping the question wasn’t too revealing of her curiosity. Riho flinched and her face revealed something that almost looked to Nakky as fright, but before she could answer, the door burst open and a group of fellow H!P idols entered the room including Airi who immediately caught Nakky’s eye and made her way over to her.

“Hey Nakky, can I talk to you outside for a second?” she asked. Nakky looked to Riho only to find that she had disappeared into the crowd. With an undertone of unfinished conversation, she shrugged off the uncomfortable feeling that was hanging over her and followed Airi outside. 


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

TSUBAKI FACTORY

Current Casual: Oda Sakura, Nonaka Miki, Haga AkaneTanimoto Ami Ise Layla, Kawamura Ayano,  

OGTurtle  Airi, Maimai 

 


#14 Lalalaalala

Lalalaalala

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Posted 06 September 2017 - 05:19 AM

Chapter 12:

 

 

“What’s up?” asked Saki. Airi noticed how pale and tired her friend looked, and she didn’t exactly smell fresh either.

“Are you ok?” she started off by asking “You seemed.. happy.. yesterday” she saw the flinch in Nakky’s eyes and her suspicions were confirmed.

“I’m ill?” Nakky tried lying. Airi couldn’t help shaking her head.

“You were drunk, weren’t you?” she asked, trying not to sound too disapproving. Nakky looked embarrassed.

“How did you know?” she whispered.

“Honey, the text you sent me – for one – was quite a hint. And now you look like hell and smell like puke.”

“Gee, thanks.” Said the older sarcastically “You really know just what to say to make me feel better.”

“I’m just worried about you, Nakky.” Airi admitted, “Why did you get drunk on your own on a Thursday evening?”

“I don’t know,” said Nakky “Why were you on live TV in the middle of the night?”

Airi paused in surprise. She knew it was coming, but she hadn’t expected it to come up like that. Though she had to admit she herself had been on the offense towards Saki this morning, so it was only natural for her to be on the defence.

“I-“ she started “It’s… it’s this show I’ve been doing..”

Nakky crossed her arms and waited for more, but Airi wasn’t delivering.

“For how long?” she then asked. Airi’s head was going over a million ways that she could lie in that situation, but she refused to do so.

“For.. for about 3 weeks” she admitted. Nakky’s eyes widened, but Airi could tell she was trying to hold back on her reaction.

“Oh..Kay…” she said thoughtfully “How many times a week?”

“Three.”

“THREE?” Saki couldn’t hold her surprise back any longer “THREE TIMES A WEEK? AT THAT TIME OF THE NIGHT?”

“Well.. you did catch it right at the end..” Airi tried defensively.

“Oh good,” said Nakky “You’re on live TV at 3 am, but at least it’s the end of the show, that makes it so much more sensible.” The sarcasm was hurting Airi a little, but she couldn’t say she blamed her friend.

“It’s really good promotion for our group..” Airi tried again.

“Does that mean that for the past three weeks you’ve worked until 3 am three days a week?” Nakky completely ignored Airi’s defence “Along with all the extra work you have had lately with photoshoots, photobooks, variety appearances, concerts, our DVD magazine… Airi.. when were you planning on sleeping?”

“I have the weekends..”

“Oh come on, we both know how much work we all do on weekends.” Said Nakky “Why didn’t you tell us?” this was the question Airi had prepared for since she had agreed with the manager not to say anything, but suddenly her reasoning seemed ridiculous.

“I didn’t want you to worry…” she said.

“OF COURSE WE’RE GOING TO WORRY ABOUT YOU, YOU DAFT IDIOT!” Saki yelled “You’re overworking yourself, you’re lying about overworking yourself, and you’re going to work every day pretending that you’re not overworking yourself – I’m getting overworked just hearing about it!”

Airi nodded silently and looked down.

“If you had told us, we could have helped you. We could have taken a load off your shoulders – I don’t know.. we could have even arranged ourselves in a way that we took turns appearing on the show or something?”

Airi gulped. She had feared this coming up. She didn’t want to answer it. Her eyes were glued to the floor.

“What is it?” asked Nakky “Did you not want to share the momentum with the rest of us?”

“N-nono!” Airi hurried to say “No that’s not it at all, if I could then I would have loved to share it with you..”

“But you couldn’t? Why?” the questions were getting more and more accusing.

“Because.. they.. they kind of asked for me personally..” Airi whispered. Nakky let out a laugh that sounded more aggressive than happy.

“I get it now,” she said with an undermining tone to her voice “You didn’t tell us because you felt guilty about being more famous than us again.”

“That’s not true..” Airi tried.

“Oh shut up, Airi.” Nakky interrupted “You’re our ace, we’ve all gotten used to the fact that you’re more known than we are. The only one that seems to make a big deal about it is you.”

Airi tried to hold back the tears that were pressing on her eyes. Nakky was right, Airi did feel incredibly guilty for being the ace and had done so ever since Shock! came out. She was terrified that everyone secretly hated her for taking all the lines. She was terrified that they only pretended to like her to keep peace for the group’s sake, but the second they all graduated, they would never speak again. She loved them all so much, and the thought of them all faking it destroyed her every time they got a new song and discovered most of the lines were hers.

“I-I’m sorry” she managed to stutter, still fighting tears.

“You should be.” Said Nakky, obviously a little softened by Airi’s reaction, which made Airi feel even guiltier “It was stupid of you not to tell us, it really was.”

“I know…” the younger admitted quietly.

“Worst part is, had you told us we would have been worried, sure. But we would have been so proud of you too..” said Nakky. Her voice had calmed down completely now.

“R-really?” asked Airi, annoyed at herself by the surprise in her voice. Nakky smiled.

“Of course, you daft idiot.” She said with half a chuckle “It is a great opportunity, despite the awful hours, and it seemed like a really interesting and important show from the short part I saw yesterday.”

“It’s actually been really great!” Airi sighed with relief “We get to talk about all sorts of things, and I learn so much about other idols and their troubles! And I actually made a pretty good friend from that show!”

“Oh really? Who?” asked Nakky.

“Kawaei Rina from AKB48.”

“The one with the stalker?”

“Yes.. that’s terrifying.” Said Airi. She didn’t know whether she was allowed to tell Nakky about her new friends current living situation yet, so she preferred not to “I can’t imagine what it’s like having one of those creepy old men follow me around.”

“Yeah, some of our followers are really quite uncomfortable, but never quite to that point.” Said Nakky wonderingly “Aren’t you exhausted though?” she then asked, bringing the topic back to Airi.

“I was – in the beginning.” Airi admitted “But I feel like I have gotten more used to it now…”

“Just promise me you’ll quit it if it start affecting your life?” Nakky pleaded “And tell us if there’s any of your work we can take over for you. Or if you need to take a nap during the day or something. Just anything we can do to make your life easier ok?”

“Thank you so much, Nakky” said Airi “but can I ask you not to tell the others?” Nakky frowned.

“Why?” she asked “don’t you think they deserve to know?”

“They do” Airi hurried to say “They do.. but I would really rather they hear it from me…and… I don’t think I’m ready…”

“Ready?” Nakky asked “Ready for what?”

“More of … this…” Airi whispered carefully. Nakky nodded understandably.

“I was rough, I’m sorry.” She said “I just.. it hurt that you didn’t tell us. And I’m worried for your health.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Said Airi “I should have told you.” It was quiet for a bit between them, as they both absorbed their conversation. The only thing they could hear was all the idols next door chattering and laughing.

“Why did you get drunk, Nakky?” Airi asked her older friend.

“I wanted to try it.” Was the answer. It felt half-assed.

“Ok… on your own?” she asked

“Airi, I love you, but this conversation was about you and the fact that you had a secret, not about me, ok?” Nakky answered a little aggressively. Her face quickly softened before she said; “Sorry, please don’t tell anyone. I was just happy, and wanted to try something new.” Airi nodded and shrugged.

“Just take care of yourself.” She said.

“Well the same can be said to you.”

“I had that coming.” Said Airi admittedly and her older friend laughed.

“What are we laughing at?” sounded a familiar third party voice. Airi turned to look and found Maimi and Chisato standing right behind her. She jumped a little bit in shock and the girls laughed.

“Hi Maimi!” said Saki excitedly. Maimi answered with a slight nod. Airi looked around and saw Mai standing a little further back on her own. She sent her a big smile only to be met with a half-crooked one. The three others were chitchatting, so she moved over to her younger friend as smoothly as she could.

“Hey Mai, how are you?”

“Fine..” Mai answered silently.

“Hope yesterday wasn’t too much on you,” said Airi “You feeling a little better?” the confusion on Mai’s face confirmed Airi’s suspicions that Mai had lied about feeling ill last night when they had texted. “You said you felt a little ill?” she continued, not wanting to put Mai on the spot.

“Oh… yes… I feel ok…” she seemed way too distant for Airi’s liking, but Maimi was gesturing to them that they had to join the dancing lesson, so she took Mai’s hand, gave her the biggest smile she had and said: “Let’s go have fun today, ok?”


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

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#15 Lalalaalala

Lalalaalala

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Posted 11 September 2017 - 02:51 PM

Chapter 13: 

 

 

The day was long and uncomfortable for Mai. After Chisato had given her some clothes, she had started to change as she always did in their dressing room- not really paying attention to the fact that Chissa was in the room. But the latter had left the room and smacked the door aggressively, which was a little shocking to Mai considering they had just talked so casually. The train ride to work had been so awkward too, as Chisato had sat down across from Mai instead of next to her, which had resulted in them not being able to see each other as the train slowly filled up with people. When they arrived they had run into Maimi outside, and Chisato had immediately run to her and struck up a conversation, leaving Mai behind. The dance lesson was fine as she was practising singing ‘I&You&I&You&I’ with Michishige Sayumi, Sato Masaki and Uemura Akari. They had been a fun bunch, and had actually managed to make Mai feel good all the way till lunchtime where she once again sat at her regular seat next to Airi, across from Chisato only to have the latter not look at her once. Airi was trying her best to keep a conversation with her, but she was quickly called back in for a practise with Sugaya Risako. Then the young idol was left alone on her corner of the table, as if isolated from the others by an ocean of awkwardness. They were deep in conversation, talking about all the different units they were in, and how much they loved Hello! Project concerts. Chisato was pretty much leading the conversation, as Nakky didn’t dare speak unless spoken too, and Maimi seemed to be directing many of her answers towards the former. As Mai was only observing, she noticed Nakky staring at Maimi a little differently than she usually would. Less desperate, more.. lovingly? The former noticed Mai staring at her and blushed a little.

“You ok, Mai?” she interrupted the conversation, and everyone turned to Mai, except for Chissa who had her eyes glued to Nakky.

“I’m fine.” Answered Mai “Just done eating.”

“But you have barely touched your l-“
“I’m done. I’ll go back to practicing. Bye.” She interrupted Nakky and got up to leave. Not looking back she marched back into the training area and started practising in front of the mirror.

 

“Are you ok Hagiwara-chan?” sounded the manager’s voice behind her.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she answered, quickly regretting the docile tone in her voice.

“Well the dance teacher said you seemed distracted, and I saw you at lunch not talking to the girls the way you usually do, nor were you eating your food.” Mai felt embarrassed, why was he looking at her so intensely? She blushed a little. He must have noticed, because he immediately added:

“Don’t worry, I was only looking at you so much because the teachers were worried about you so I wanted to see what was up.”  She knew he was trying to make her more comfortable, but somehow it only made her blush even more. She was always embarrassed when talking privately to him. Which wasn’t too weird, as he was a young guy whose job it was to control them, take care of them and their career and judge them on a daily basis – basically a private, more intimate Tsunku just for C-ute. The fact that all the girls seemed to agree that he was incredibly handsome didn’t help either. 

“I’m ok, really.. just a little tired I guess..” she answered, hoping it was of satisfactory to him. He gave her a little sad, sad smile and said:
“You have good reason to be, it’s a busy time… and no one is judging you, you know?” he smiled. Mai tried to reciprocate the smile as much as she could, but felt herself that it was half-assed.

“You don’t have to worry about me Abe-san, I am ok.” She said quietly.

“Mai, it’s ok to be tired, and it’s ok to not be happy all the time. As long as you take care of yourself first, and do your best – everyone is going to accept a day or two where everything isn’t 100% all the time.” Mai nodded. She felt the exhaustion from last night build up on her shoulders again, and she hoped she wouldn’t start crying in front of her manager.

“I am ok.” she said “It’s Friday, so I’ll have the weekend to pick myself up a little.. I mean except the rehearsal on Saturday. And the meeting on Sunday…” she sighed loudly in realisation that she wasn’t going to have a day off at all. Abe-san laughed.

“I admire you Hagiwara-chan, you know that?” he said suddenly much to Mai’s surprised.

“W-wha-… why?” she managed, panicked.

“You’ve been in this business for 10 years, starting when you were 7 years old, but never once have I heard you complain seriously, nor seen you fall behind or give up.” Mai could feel she was starring strangely at him, but she couldn’t stop herself. He continued: “Not to mention that you have grown up to be a beautiful, level-headed, kind young woman who is not only extremely talented in her own way, but also very charming – with just enough brattiness to make you interesting.” He winked at playfully at her at the last part. Mai’s mouth was open, and her entire body felt heated and red from embarrassment and shyness. He had complimented her in so many ways that she didn’t know what to make of herself.

“You really think so?” she muttered in a shy whisper.

“I do.” He answered bluntly “I think you are an outstanding talent, and I have the outmost respect for you as a person.” His face turned serious “Which is why it disappoints me so much to have you stand here, lying repeatedly to me about being ‘ok’ when you clearly aren’t.”

Mai was dumbfounded. She had no idea what to say, where to look or what to do. She was even more dumbfounded when she realised she had broken down and hugged him, and was silently sobbing into his shoulder. She tried to stop herself, but couldn’t seem to succeed. She had simply lost control. Horrified at herself, she felt as his stiffened, surprised body softened and empathetically closed itself around her in a warm embrace.

“You may not be ok right now, Mai” he said as he calmly patted her on the back “But you will be. Trust me, you will be.” He pulled her away from him and looked her in the eyes.

“Promise me you won’t bottle yourself up, ok? Talk to people. Let it out, ok?” Mai nodded silently and looked down. He put his hand on her chin and softly pulled her head back up so they kept eye contact and said: 

“Promise me, Mai”

“Ok” she whispered under her breath. He smiled and gave her a light kiss on the forehead.

“Great, now get back to practising. We should probably stop touching so none of us get in trouble” he winked at her again and her eyes started flickering in confusion. What did he mean? Why did he say that? What wa-
“I’m just kidding, Mai” he whispered with a chuckle, patted her on the head and made a ‘tip-of-ones-invisible-hat’ movement at her before walking away.

“Thank you, Abe-san” Mai exclaimed after him. He turned around and sent her a watm smile.

“Call me Daisuke.” He said and turned away again. Mai watched him leave and found herself laughing a little. He was a sweet man.

 

“I don’t believe you.” An angry voice sounded from the other entrance. Mai turned and found Chisato standing in the doorway, eyes flaring.

“What.. what do you mean?” the younger asked as she watched the older march aggressively towards her.

“Are you kidding me? Our manager???” she was standing really close to Mai now. Despite her scary attitude, she smelled really nice and Mai somehow just felt relieved that she was talking to her.

“What are you talking about?” she asked and couldn’t help herself from smiling.

“That ‘Hot guy’ you were talking about is Abe-san, isn’t it?? The reason you’re thinking of quitting??”

“Excuse me?” Mai’s smile vanished “What?”

“I saw you two!” Chissa’s eyes were glassy and angry “I saw everything, you can’t lie to me!”

“I don’t understand what you mean?” Mai exclaimed defensively “We were just talking.”

“Oh shut up Mai,” angry tears were streaming down her face “You hugged him, h-he… he kissed you.. it was.. so obvious!”

“I don’t-“
“You’re not only ruining your own career by leaving it for a boy, but you’re taking our great manager with you? How selfish can you be?”

“You’re being ridiculous, Chissa.” Mai tried, but her groupmate wasn’t having any of it.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me… I mean us…  You’re so irresponsible… I thought you were better than that. I thought you were smart enough not to leave us for a b-”

“SHUT UP!” Mai screamed. Chisato flinched and fell silent “SHUT UP. JUST ..URGH” She took a couple of seconds to catch her breath.

“First of all, you’re jumping to an absolutely delusional conclusion. I. DO. NOT. WANT. TO. QUIT.” Mai yelled “For the record, I never even considered quitting, it was just an idiotic excuse I used to get myself out of a situation I wasn’t ready to get into, ok? I don’t know why you’re getting so up in your own head about this, you’re being mean and irrational.” Chisato opened her mouth as if she wanted to defend herself but Mai interrupted:

“NO, shush, I am not done. I am not sure what you are accusing me of, but the only thing you witnessed Abe-san doing was console me because I was sad – something you might have known if you had bothered talking to me at all today.” She paused. Chisato wasn’t looking at her- which she appreciated, because it made it easier to be mad.

“Is… is this about yesterday?” asked Chisato carefully “Because … I don’t understand.. was it really that bad?”

NOT THAT BAD? Mai wanted to scream. YOU SINGLEHANDEDLY MADE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF ONLY TO TEAR OUT THE RUG UNDER ME REVEALING A 250FOOT DROP INTO NOTHING. YOU. YOU. YOU… you made me realise I was in love with you…

“…It’s not fair.” She finished her thought out loud “It’s not fair at all…” Chisato had a look in her eye as if she had been shot and was trying to keep herself together.

“I…” she started but Mai could see she had trouble finding words “I can’t do this… I’m sorry Mai… I just can’t.” A feeling of fear started taking over.

“Can’t… do… what?” she asked hesitantly. Chisato tried looking her in the eyes, but immediately redirected her gaze again.

“I… don’t think I can be near you right now…” Mai took a step back. So many emotions were fighting for dominance inside her that she was feeling dizzy. She took another step back, trying desperately to find a clear thought in her mind. She was staring at her groupmate, who finally decided to look back at her. Their eyes met and in the choice between fight and flight, Mai chose flight.

 

She sat in a bathroom stall and tried to feel clearly. She was angry. She was anxious. She was terrified. She was heartbroken. She was sad. She was in love. She was tired. She was exhausted. She was everything. Her phone vibrated. It was a mail from Chisato, with only two words:

 

I’m sorry.”

 

Dazed, she decided she couldn’t deal right now and blocked the number. Then she hid her face in her knees and tried to make herself disappear. The automatic light in the bathroom went off. 


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

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Current Casual: Oda Sakura, Nonaka Miki, Haga AkaneTanimoto Ami Ise Layla, Kawamura Ayano,  

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#16 Lalalaalala

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Posted 24 September 2017 - 01:55 PM

Chapter 14:
 

 

Chisato watched as her younger friend ran away. Baffled, she didn’t move as she was trying to make sense of what had just happened. She had seen Mai leave at lunch and felt guilty, so she had decided to follow her to try and talk to her. When she had opened the door to the dance practice room, she had found her and Abe-san talking intensely, Mai looking at him in a way she had never seen before. And the look in her eye before she threw herself in his arms. And the kiss. It was so… so real… it was painful. The more Chisato thought about it, the more she realised that her freakout wasn’t out of anger but out of jealously. And the more she realised it, the guiltier she felt. She had no reason to freak out like that. She had completely cornered Mai, causing her to explode. It was the first time she had heard Mai scream like that. It was scary. And it hurt. Chissa could still hear the “…It’s not fair” clearly in her mind. It’s unfair for her that you like her, she thought to herself. It was true. Though she kinda wished she hadn’t been so.. harsh about it. Chisato had been honest. As honest as she could be. She really couldn’t stand being near Mai at this time, knowing how much of a bother she was. It was too painful. She loved Mai. She was always going to love Mai. But maybe, just maybe, if she stayed away, she would succeed in not being in love with her. I have to believe it she thought I have to believe I can do this. I have to forget about these stupid feelings. I have to let the last 8 years go. She looked at herself in the mirror and wiped away the tears she hadn’t noticed were streaming down her face.

“I can do this!” she said to herself in the mirror “…… right?”  she took out her phone and stared at the screen. She should at least explain why to Mai, right? She started writing:


“Hey Mai,

I’m really sorry about what I said. You should have an explanation.

I am, as you know, in love with you. And with each rejection you give me,

I feel a piece of me dying. So in order for me to stop trying,

And in order for you to avoid rejecting me, I’m going to stay away.

I know I am awful for having put you through this, but I couldn’t help myself,

I had to try.

I’m sorry.”

 

She read through it, and with each word she felt more stupid. She was just pointing out the obvious- there was no way this message was going to resolve anything. Angrily, she erased everything but the absolute essential.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

She threw her phone on the floor and sat down exasperated.

“Hey Chissa, you ok?” sounded Nakky’s sweet voice behind her. She looked up and saw her friend sitting herself down next to her.

“No, but I think I will be.” She sighed “Not now, probably not tomorrow. But… I will be.”

“What happened?” asked the older.

“I told Mai I need to distance myself from her for a while.” She admitted. Nakky’s already big eyes seemed larger.

“Why would you do that?”

“Well… she… I … it just all fucked up.”

“How so?” Chissa explained the former night and the recent fight she had had with Mai in as many details as she could remember. She told her how Mai had made it absolutely clear that Chissa’s feelings were a burden and a bother, and how disgusting she felt whenever she was near her. At the end, Nakky looked thoughtfully at the two of them in the mirror. Chisato noticed her friends confusion.

“What are you thinking?” she asked curiously.

“I … it doesn’t make any sense.” said Saki “It’s so unlike Mai to act so… mean.”

“Well can you blame her.” Chissa stated sadly.

“Yes in fact I can.” Nakky exclaimed “If she truly is acting the way you’re describing, then it is pretty nasty and selfish. Yeah, it may have come as a shock to her that you like women, but she has known you for ten years, she shouldn’t treat you that way – even if she feels weird about you being in love with her.”

“Yeah but you can’t really blame her for thinking I’m gross… like… I am a lesbian after all…” Chissa mumbled hopelessly.

“That is just incredibly stupid of you to say Mrs Okai Chisato.” Nakky had an angry tone in her voice “I like women too, do you think I’m gross?”

“Well.. no.. but-“

“No you don’t. Because I’m not. And neither are you. Love is love, it doesn’t matter who that love is directed towards. If she thinks you are gross, that is her mistake. Her problem. Something she needs to grow up and get over. Because it’s love - only love - and there’s nothing else to it.”

Chissa smiled at her preachy friend.      

“Thank god there’s two of us, huh? Then we won’t suffer alone.” She said half-playfully. Nakky’s eyes got bigger and she started softly hitting Chissa’s shoulder excitedly.
“What? Whaaat?” the younger asked, trying to stop the playful punching that was getting a little sore.

“Guess what happened last night?” she sang happily.

“What happened last night, Nakky?”

“Maimi came to visit” her friend’s voice was like a singing bird. The excitement was so strong that is was contagious to Chissa.

“She did? Why?”

And then Nakky proceeded to tell her younger friend about the very hot and heavy night she had had with their group Leader in so much detail that Chisato couldn’t help blushing a little bit.

“And then! … well then she kind of got up and left, but it was  so amazing and I think we are a couple now!” the older finished with so many stars in her eyes that Chisato was pretty sure that look alone had created the universe.

“So have you talked to her about it today?” she asked.

“….No..” said Nakky hesitantly “In fact… she hasn’t really spoken to me at all…” Chissa saw a black hole destroying the newly created universe and quickly tried to save it:
“Well she’s probably shy, you know?” she said reassuringly “I mean you are, so who’s to say that she isn’t?” She felt the relief as Nakky’s eyes started to sparkle again.

“You’re right! I should talk to her!” she exclaimed excitedly “but in private, so none of us have to be shy!”

“Exactly!”

“AND you should talk to Mai.” Chisato frowned.

“I… just did…” she said “And I.. I don’t think I can go through that again.” Nakky nodded.

“Okay I guess…” she said “It just bothers me that it ended that way. It seems so.. Anticlimactic.”

“What do you mean?” Chissa asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t know… it just seems like you might be talking past each other… like… immensely misunderstanding each other.” Nakky’s tone was a little condescending.

“I think she made herself pretty damn clear, Nakky.” said Chissa “And I don’t think you can pretend to know the situation better than I do.” The older nodded silently.

“I guess I can’t.” she admitted “It might just be wishful thinking to be honest.” She stroked Chissa gently on the back. “I just wish you guys could be together, you know? Have it just as easy as Maimi and I.” the younger shrugged.

“I wish so too, but I guess we can only be three lesbians in a group of five, huh?” she tried to joke.

“I’ll have you know that I am bisexual.” Nakky claimed steadily.

“Bisexual? You like men too?” Chissa asked, surprised.

“Yeah man, I used to have the hugest crush on Tsunku when we joined. And our manager. And sooo many manly idols” she answered dreamingly. So much so that Chissa couldn’t help laughing.

“Man if any of our fans could hear you, you would so be flamed for this” she said jokingly.

“Hey - I am nearly 20 years old, you cannot be surprised that I have had a few crushes in my time.”

“That’s true I guess. I guess I’ve only ever really had the one…” Chissa was embarrassed to admit.

“Really? Huh..” Nakky answered wonderingly “I guess people really do experience love in different ways.”

“Alright I have to ask,” Chissa started “If you’ve had that many crushes in your life, what makes Maimi so special to you?”Nakky visibly pondered for a bit, biting her lip ever so slightly.

“Well,” she finally said “If I had to put it into words, I guess all the crushes I’ve had were just that. Crushes. Whereas Maimi... well… I am in love with her.” She turned and smiled empathetically at Chisato “Like you are with Mai.” For some reason Chisato couldn’t quite understand, that statement made her heart skip a beat. She looked at her friend. Her wonderful, adorable, pure and smart friend who really seemed to have everything figured out. She vowed then and there to make sure anyone who hurt her would live to regret it.

“Maimi better treat you like a princess.” She said, trying very hard to make it sound like a joke. Nakky answered with a small chuckle and a playful push, but Chisato was pretty sure she had felt the seriousness to the words that she couldn’t help letting out.

“We should probably get back to practise, huh?” said the older finally.

“Yeah we probably should.”

“And.. you’re really going to stay away from Mai?”

“I… I think I have to.” Chisato admitted “For my own sanity, you know?” Nakky shrugged, got up and murmured:
“I really don’t agree with it, but I guess it can’t be helped.” She reached out a hand to Chissa and helped her up “Whatever you choose to do, I’m right there behind you, ok?” Chissa hugged her friend tightly.

“Ditto, Nakky.” She said “And trust me: if Maimi ever tries to hurt you, I will smack a bitch.” Nakky’s answering laugh was cute and heartwarming.

“Thank you, but hopefully that won’t be necessary.” she grinned happily.

“I’m sure it won’t!” 


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

TSUBAKI FACTORY

Current Casual: Oda Sakura, Nonaka Miki, Haga AkaneTanimoto Ami Ise Layla, Kawamura Ayano,  

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#17 Lalalaalala

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Posted 25 September 2017 - 09:04 PM

Edited chapter 13 and 14 to include the manager's name that I have now come up with. Looks a lot less awkward now methinks haha. 

Manager's name is Abe Daisuke as I have no idea what their real manager's name was. I'm sure the real one was nice, but Daisuke is completely made up for the sake of the story. Alright. I hope whoever is reading is enjoying it so far. 


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

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Current Casual: Oda Sakura, Nonaka Miki, Haga AkaneTanimoto Ami Ise Layla, Kawamura Ayano,  

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#18 Lalalaalala

Lalalaalala

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Posted 27 September 2017 - 01:26 PM

Chapter 15

Slight disclaimer: Contains underage drinking and meanness lol. 

 

The day finished way too slowly for Nakky’s liking. All day she had yearned to talk to Maimi privately. She knew that as soon as she did, Maimi would stop being so shy and actually look at her. She had to, right? After the night they had had, obviously there was something there. She changed quickly in their dressing room. She had seen their leader leaving the building earlier, and wanted to catch up with her as soon as possible. She put on her shoes, but didn’t tie her laces as she figured it would take too much time. She threw her bag over her shoulder and ran out of the door, down to the nearest train-station. She found Maimi waiting for her train home.

“Hey honey!” she yelled, regretting it as it might have been too early for ‘honey’. She waved frantically, only to realise Maimi wasn’t reacting. Embarrassed her hand stopped in the air. Maybe she was wearing headphones? Nakky ran down next to her and covered her eyes.

“Guess who” she uttered cheerfully– Maimi was not wearing headphones.

“Hello Nakajima-chan.” The older answered. Nakky was a little taken aback by how distant she sounded.

“How are youu?” she asked excitedly “I’ve been looking forward to talking to you all day.”

“Why?” asked Maimi “We never really talk, do we?”

“No…” said Nakky “But… after yesterday I thou-“
“Yesterday?” Maimi interrupted “Oh right, that little thing. Don’t worry about that.”

“What do you mean?” the younger suddenly felt very small.

“It meant nothing to be honest. You shouldn’t be reading into it.” Said Maimi.

“But we…” Nakky started, struggling to find proper words “… It meant something to me…”

“I’m sorry to hear that, dear.” The older answered. It bothered Nakky how she seemed to look over her, not at her “But that really is on you for judging it to be something it wasn’t. It was fun, but that’s it.” Confused Nakky looked at the train rails. They looked so clean. Whose job was it to clean train rails? Was it a well-paid job? Was it a job worth taking to get away from this situation?

“My train is here in five minutes.” Said Maimi, interrupting Nakky’s distraction thought-tangent, “Is there anything else you want from me?” She looked back at her groupmate, trying to bring her thoughts back on track.

“I don’t know…” she muttered “Where does this leave… us?”

“Oh honey, there is no ‘us’.” Maimi chuckled “You’re adorable for thinking so, you really are. But we’re just colleagues. And it was just one night of fun.”

Nakky nodded as if she understood. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. The night before had seemed so real, she couldn’t understand what had changed in that time.

“Look, you’re very sweet. But it was just a way for me to let loose. And I went to you exactly because we never really talk, so it wouldn’t be a problem. And I knew you would agree, it’s.. you.”

“What do you mean, it’s me?” Nakky was offended “You knew you could use me, you mean?”

“Not use, sweety. You wanted it too, I could see it on you.” The older answered, still not looking at her “In a way, I just gave us both what we wanted.”

“But I didn’t just want that.“ Nakky exclaimed “I’m in love with y-“
“Look, you wanted me and I gave you me for a night. Whatever else you wanted isn’t on me, but on you. If you can’t see that, that’s not my fault.” Nakky paused. She was probably right. She had never promised her anything after all.

“I’m sorry…” she whispered carefully. Maimi smiled.

“There’s my train,” she said as a train came into the station “See you tomorrow, colleague!” she winked at Nakky and disappeared into the train, leaving the latter alone on the platform confused, tired and sad. What now, dummy? She thought to herself What can you possibly to now to make up for this? She sat down on a bench on the platform. Close to her a couple of what looked like high schoolers stood trying to hold hands as discretely as possible. They were smiling shyly at each other and giggling. She hated them. Then she hated herself for hating on young love. It wasn’t their fault she was the worst at it. You scared Maimi off she thought again You were too pushy and scared her off. Of course you guys weren’t a couple after just one night, how stupid can you be? She hid her face in her hands in embarrassment. Since she was already hiding, she let the tears pressing against her eyes flow down her cheeks. Oh great now you’re crying, good God woman no wonder Maimi doesn’t want to be with you. She took a deep breath. The lack of sleep and hungover state mixed with the newfound heartbreak was really getting to her. She considered calling Chisato, but felt too stupid to do so. Not 3 hours earlier had she been fangirling greatly about her and Maimi, like a stupid teenager. Having to call Chissa now and tell her she had been wrong about the whole thing was too painful. Besides, she was afraid of Chissa actually ‘Smacking a Bitch’ as she so gracefully had promised she would do in case Maimi hurt her. She was hurt, that much was true, but as Maimi had said, it wasn’t her who had hurt her. It was Nakky’s own fault for getting too excited. If any ‘bitch’ deserved to be ‘smacked’, it was her.

 

The young couple got on a train and disappeared. Nakky got up and made her way home. On the way she thought about the entire conversation with Maimi again. It can’t all be my fault, she thought Maimi did take advantage of my feelings for her, right? She opened the door to her apartment and threw herself in her couch.

“I don’t know” she said out loud to no one “I don’t know what to do.” She didn’t feel like doing anything. Even if she did take advantage, she had all the right to, dummy. She thought as she said, you did want it after all. She didn’t do something you didn’t want. She groaned at her own accusing thoughts and hid her face in a pillow.

Stupid

STUpid

STUPID!

STUPID!

OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO STUPID.

She threw her pillow at the floor in horror.

Shut up head.

No, you don’t deserve for me to shut up.

SHUT UP.

NO, STUPID.

SHUT UUUUUUUUP” She screamed into the air of her empty apartment. The scream hurt her still hungover head, which gave her the first clear thought she had had since their conversation.

Alcohol is going to get you to shut up. She thought angrily at herself, feeling a little crazy. She was fighting with her own head, thank God she was alone. In desperation, she looked at her liquor closet. There had only been one bottle of wine, the one she had drunk last night. All that was left was stronger bottles of things she had only read about. She grabbed one at random, a brown liquor called Captain Morgan and took a sip. It tasted awful, was way too strong and burned way too much. It was perfect. She took another sip.

“You’re gonna die nooow” she said to herself. Then she felt even crazier than before and took another sip, pretending it didn’t just happen.

“It’s going to be ok,” she said to herself “I’m going to tone it down and be less crazy with Maimi, then she might love me back one day.”

You can’t do that, and she never will. She took a large sip this time and could almost hear the voice drowning. Satisfied, she took another celebratory sip.

This is a bad idea.

Shut up~” she sang happily feeling the slight buzz. This was a great idea. It was working perfectly. She put on some loud music and sat in her couch with the bottle. Singing along to the songs, she happily took sip after sip, surprised that she couldn’t feel it as much as the wine had hit her yet. Her hangover was gone, so was the demeaning voice in her head.

“I’m going to be ok,” she sang to the melody of Wagamama ki no mama ~Ai no Joke~ that was playing “I’m going to do just fine~”. Little did she know that the build-up of her sips crept up on her slowly only to hit all at once. She blacked out. 


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

TSUBAKI FACTORY

Current Casual: Oda Sakura, Nonaka Miki, Haga AkaneTanimoto Ami Ise Layla, Kawamura Ayano,  

OGTurtle  Airi, Maimai 

 


#19 Lalalaalala

Lalalaalala

    Official fanclub for Yokoyan's smile - it saves lives.

  • Senpai
  • 1598 posts

Posted 05 October 2017 - 04:27 PM

 Chapter 16

 

Airi came into work early that morning. She had spent all of the prior evening worried about Mai not answering her phone. The latter had disappeared from practise after lunch and Airi had looked for her everywhere but with no luck. Kawaei had made her tea and breakfast in the morning after a long night at work on their late-night show.

“I sometimes feel better if I don’t get any sleep at all than when I try to get 1-3 hours” she had said, which Airi hadn’t been able to relate to at all, but appreciated the gesture. They had eaten together and Kawaei said that she had confirmed with her manager that it might be better to stay at Airi’s- which had both thrilled the latter and made her feel sorry for the situation the poor idol was in. They had rejoiced that it was the weekend at that their show didn’t start again until Tuesday and then they had both gone to work respectively. And there she was, as one of the first. The only other one there was Sayashi Riho who she smiled too politely before going to the bathroom to throw some cold water in her face. She was very, very tired, and if she revealed that too much, Nakky would probably flip out on her again and/or tell the other groupmates about her show, and she wasn’t ready for that. She entered the bathroom and the automatic light turned on. As she turned on the water she heard a little groan from a booth.

“Hello?” she muttered out carefully “Who’s there?”

“Airi?” sounded a very familiar voice.

“Mai? Good morning, you’re here early!” she said happily as her younger friend appeared from the booth.

“It’s…. morning?” sounded Mai’s rough voice. She sounded like someone who had just woken up.

“Yes, yes it is… Did you… sleep here?” asked Airi and raised an eyebrow.

“Well.. if it’s morning I definitely did.” Said a confused Mai and scratched her head. She looked very pale and something about the tone in her voice was off to Airi.

“Why… were you sleeping in the bathroom?” she asked worriedly.

“I don’t know.” Was the answer.

“You… don’t…know… Mai are you ok?”

“I don’t know” Airi stopped, there was something uncharacteristically unemotional about her friends tone that was really off-putting.

“Well… what were you doing in the bathroom?” she asked, realising that that question could sound very gross “I mean, is there a reason you went in here” Mai’s look on her face made Airi realise she hadn’t saved it “I mean… besides… the usual reasons to go to a bathroom.”

She laughed a little at her own ridiculousness, but stopped quickly when she realised Mai didn’t react at all.

“You know what I mean, right?” she quickly added. Mai nodded, but didn’t answer.

“Soooo… why?” Airi asked and resisted the urge to poke her friend until she smiled.

“I… don’t know.” Mai answered.

“Is that all you are capable of saying right now?”

“I don’t know.” Said Mai. Airi pushed her. “Alright that one was intentional, but I really don’t know how to answer your questions.” Airi couldn’t help but feel relieved that there was a little more emotion in what Mai was saying, but she was still working towards getting a smile on her friends face.

“Alright. Well can you just tell me what happened prior to you falling asleep in the bathroom?”

She asked.

“Well… I talked to Abe-san… and Chisato kind of blew up at me… and I guess I just ended up here.”

“Wait.. Abe.. Abe Natsumi or Abe Daisuke?” asked Airi hoping it would come off as a goofy joke, but Mai didn’t seem to react to it.

“Daisuke-san. What would Natsumi-san be doing here?” she said, with no change in her facial expression. Disappointed, Airi just nodded.

“Why did Chisato blow up at you?” she asked. Mai shrugged and started explaining everything that had happened since their shooting of the DVD magazine. Airi listened to her night with Chissa, her lie about wanting to quit, her talk with Abe-san and how Chisato had misunderstood it and yelled at her. At the end of all Airi felt as if there was an important puzzle piece missing.

“I don’t get it” she said “So she told you she loved you, said it was a joke and then completely ignores you?”

“Seems that way.”

“And… now she said she can’t be near you for a while?”

“Mhm.”

“Mai I’m sorry but that doesn’t make sense at all, is there something you’re keeping from me? An important detail of some kind?” she asked. Mai looked away and shrugged.

“There is.” The younger said, with an unimportant tone.

“Can I know what it is?” asked Airi. Mai hesitated.

“I … I don’t think I’m ready just yet.” She answered quietly. Airi nodded and smiled.

“Alright, I respect that.” She said “All I need to know is that you are sad so that I can help you become happier, why you are sad is unimportant.”

“Thank you.” Said Mai as if she had been holding her breath.

“Of course dear, always here for you!” said Airi. Mai nodded a little. The older was getting desperate to see her friend smile. “Is there anything else you need to talk about?”

“My body hurts” said the younger shyly.

“Well of course your body bloody hurts, you slept in a toilet booth.” Said Airi and giggled. Mai nodded. It wasn’t enough.

“I guess that makes sense.” Was all she said with a light shrug.

“You’re awfully quiet Mai, it’s not like you to be this way.” Said Airi, trying not to sound too much like a worried mother “It’s a little scary to be honest.”

“I’m sorry.” Said Mai. It was the most genuine she had sounded all morning, which only made Airi more worried.

“Nononono, Mai my dear, never be sorry about feeling sad. Just… talk to me. Tell me what I can do for you. Tell me what would make you feel better.” Mai was quiet for a while as if she was trying her hardest to think. Then she looked Airi in the eyes with an expression that gave Airi the urge to wrap her in a blanket and tell her everything was going to be ok.

“I… I really don’t know…” she burst into tears “I’m just so confused.. all the time.” Airi pulled her friend into a hug and gently stroked her back as she let her sob quietly.

“What is it that is confusing you so much, dear?” she asked, rocking her friend back and forth as mildly as possible. Mai didn’t answer, instead she squeezed a little tighter into the hug. Airi reciprocated.

“Is it the thing you’re not ready to talk about?” she asked. She felt Mai nod “Are you sure it wouldn’t make you feel better if you tried to talk to me about it?” Airi tried. No reaction. “It’s completely up to you, love, I just want to help.” Mai nodded again, pulled away and sniffed.

“I wouldn’t even know how to start.” She admitted “Everything in my head is just a mess. I can’t make sense of anything. I have no idea how to feel, no control over my emotions. It’s like I’m a cartoon who has stepped off a cliff and am doing my best not to look down, but I know I will. I know I’m going to fall and there’s nothing I can to to stop it.” Airi had no idea how to respond.

“That…” she tried “That sounds really scary.”

“It is. I’m sorry. It’s a mess, and I shouldn’t try to put it all on you.”

“Hush now, Mai, don’t be ridiculous – I just told you I wanted to help. Go on.” Said Airi sharply. Mai shrugged.

“I can’t.” she whispered “I… just I don’t know.” Airi nodded.

“Ok” she said “Don’t force yourself. Just know that if you ever need me, I’m here to listen.”

“Thank you.” Said Mai.

“For now, I just really want to see you smile, Mai” Airi exclaimed “Please tell me how I can see your beautiful, adorable, amazing, cute-ass smile!” she realised how stupid she sounded, but she was sleep deprived and desperate and Mai’s emotionlessness was scaring her. The younger idol looked at herself in the mirror and tried smiling. She immediately stopped, and Airi was glad that she did. It wasn’t real. They were quiet for a while.

“I’m trying.” Said the young idol.

“I know, I’m proud of you.” Said Airi. Mai nodded and looked down. It was quiet again.

“Cute-ass?” Mai asked finally “What a word.”

“I know,” said Airi, feeling a little relieved “I had to use it because there is no proper word to describe how cute your freaking smile is.”

“I see” said Mai, Airi could feel it working a little bit “Cute-ass. It’s a good word. I might use it.”

“You should, as long as you credit me whenever you do. I have a trademark on it, and if you don’t, I will sue.”

“I don’t want that” said Mai “Will make sure to credit you every time then.”

“Good. Be like ‘Yo, Nakky, that’s a cute-ass bag tm, all rights to the word cute-ass go to the Amazing Suzuki Airi of C-ute.’ Everytime you use it.”

“That’s quite a mouthful.” Said Mai and, to Airi’s delight, chuckled a little “The Amazing Suzuki Airi of C-ute. Greatest. Title. Ever.” she smiled.

“YOU SMILED!” Airi shouted happily “MY GOD YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!” Mai blushed and smiled a little more, which only excited Airi more.
“LOOK AT YOU, GOD I’M GLAD TO WITNESS THIS!”

“You’re an idiot Airi!” laughed Mai and pushed her older friend playfully. But there was no bringing Airi down. She was proud of herself for succeeding, and even more proud of her friend for smiling.

And without thinking, an overly emotional Suzuki Airi kissed her fellow idol. It was an impulse decision as she was simply too explosively happy to not do so. As she pulled away, she was ready to gleefully tell her friend how much she loved her, but was stopped by the horrified look on Mai’s face.

“Mai?-“

“What the hell was that for?” the younger exclaimed. Airi pondered for a second, but before she could answer Mai continued “Is it just ‘Confuse the hell out of Mai’ week?”

“No wait, no-“

“Did you and Chisato plan this as some kind of sick prank?”

“Mai what are you talking about?” Airi said apologetically “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Of course you didn’t. That’s your freaking motto, isn’t it? Next you’re going to tell me it didn’t mean anything and it was just a ###### joke?”

“No, I’m definitely not going to say that sweety, I’m so sorry.” Said Airi “I don’t know why I did it, I just.. I don’t know” Mai scowled at her.

“You guys are awful” she muttered.

“I’m so sorry Mai…” Airi tried helplessly. But it was useless, Mai was already halfway out the door. She turned back for one last look back at Airi. Exasperated, she whispered:
“Please just.. leave me alone.. please…” She took a deep breath and half-heartedly uttered “Please…” Airi saw her disappear out the door and looked at herself in the mirror. What had she just done? What had she triggered? What? She couldn’t make sense of it. All she knew is that she had messed up somehow, and had hurt her friend more than she had helped her. It was an awful feeling. She needed to make up for it immediately, and followed Mai out the door. 


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

TSUBAKI FACTORY

Current Casual: Oda Sakura, Nonaka Miki, Haga AkaneTanimoto Ami Ise Layla, Kawamura Ayano,  

OGTurtle  Airi, Maimai 

 


#20 Lalalaalala

Lalalaalala

    Official fanclub for Yokoyan's smile - it saves lives.

  • Senpai
  • 1598 posts

Posted 05 October 2017 - 06:45 PM

Chapter 17 

 

 

At the end of another very long day, Chissa was finishing up training with her shuffle group and getting ready to go to their dressing-room to prepare to go home. She had barely seen any her group members that day. Nakky had apparently not showed up, which worried her greatly. Maimi and Airi had been busy with their own shuffle groups and Mai, somewhat to Chisato’s relief, had been nowhere to be seen. As she was leaving the dance hall, Abe-san showed up in front of her.

“Hey, Okai-san?”

“Sup’” she answered, still feeling the hint of jealousy from seeing him and Mai the day before.

“I was just wondering… is something going on within the group?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, most of you seem… distracted.” He seemed to pick his words carefully, but Chissa knew it meant the dance-teacher had been complaining that they were lacking in enthusiasm.

“How so?” she simply asked “We not doing good enough?”

“That’s not it, no. When you’re there, you’re dancing and singing is just fine.”

“When we’re there?”

“Well. Suzuki-chan had to take many breaks and disappeared to God knows where. You constantly stop to look at your phone. Nakajima-chan never even showed up this morning. And Mai…” Chissa noticed a change of expression when he mentioned Mai. She suddenly got the urge to punch him. “Mai is nowhere to be found.”

“What she didn’t check in this morning like Nakky then?” Chisato asked, annoyed at how he singled her out so obviously.

“Thing is..” he started “She never checked out yesterday after work. I was hoping you had heard something, you and Mai are so close.”

“What?” She was stunned “That’s… strange… And no I haven’t” she added, a little hurt by the thought of the two of them being close. I guess no one would know they weren’t if they hadn’t been following the two. Or, somehow, read about them, she thought jokingly.

“She was quite sad yesterday too,” Abe testified carefully. It almost sounded like a confession, which bothered Chisato greatly. Something between the two of them had changed since yesterday and whether it was friendship or something more was hard to tell, but either way Chissa felt it widely inappropriate, and refused to admit to herself that it was probably jealously talking again.

“I wouldn’t know about that either.” She lied. She wasn’t about to tell him what had happened.

“Ah…” his expression turned even more worried “I was hoping she was the one you were looking out for on your phone…” It was. But only because Chisato couldn’t stop herself from constantly checking if Mai had answered her text. She didn’t want to admit that though, so she simple shook her head.

“I see. I’m worried about her.” Said Abe-san.

“Clearly.” Muttered Chisato “So much so that you forget Nakky didn’t show up either.”

“What was that?” he asked.
“Nothing.”

 

In the dressing room Chisato was saying goodbye and good weekend to every leaving idol, until she found herself on her own with a wondering mind. Was Mai safe? Was Nakky ok? What was Airi’s problem? What was happening to the lot of them? As she was thinking, Airi stepped in looking deep in thought herself.

“Hey Airi” said Chissa “Tough couple days, huh?” the latter seemed a little startled by Chisato’s sudden appearance, but quickly redeemed herself and sent a tired smile.

“Yeah, it’s been quite a mess.” She answered.

“So, apparently you kept leaving the rehearsal today?” she asked curiously. She knew Nakky knew something about Airi, but the former hadn’t told more than that.

“Oh, yeah... Ehm... I was looking for Mai.” Answered the older.

“Seems to be a common activity today” said Chisato “Apparently she forgot to check out yesterday, she’s probably at home.”

“Actually she was here this morning.” Airi hesitated “But I kind of… angered her… and she disappeared after that.”

“She was here? And what did you do?”

“Yeah.. Apparently she had accidentally spent the night here.” Airi noted. 

“Huh, well that explains that much… Any idea where she is now?” asked Chisato, surprised at herself at how calm she managed to sound. 

“Well once again she never checked out. So she’s either in the building or climbed down a fire-escape or something.” Airi stated. Chisato nodded concededly.

“What did you say you did to anger her?” she asked curiously.

“I didn’t.” Airi replied somewhat coldly and took a deep breath before admitting “I… kissed… her?” She felt herself gawking at her older friend.

“You … Kissed?!” she wailed, immediately regretting her obviously pained reaction. Airi should definitely have noticed, but it seemed she was too deep in thought to really do so.

“Yeah… didn’t mean anything though.” Airi defended herself “It was an impulse thing, and… it rubbed her the wrong way it seemed.” Chisato could imagine it would after everything. 

“She’s not a big fan of women confessing to her.” She recounted to her friend. She was so deep in thought, she didn’t notice the weird look from Airi towards her that comment had resulted in. Should she have kissed her? She wanted to. It would have made it worse, sure, but… God she wanted to. It seemed everyone else was doing it, too. Abe-san on the forehead, and now Airi. She was the only one who probably should have, but didn’t.

“I immediately told her I was sorry” Airi admitted.

“Were you?” Chissa asked cautiously.

“Not really,” sounded the reply which felt like it punched Chissa in the stomach “It was really nice.”

“Maybe that’s why she was mad?” asked the younger, desperately trying to not sound heartbroken “Because it didn’t sound genuine?”

“Yeah maybe” Airi sat down next to her “She also said something strange about the two of us planning a nasty prank on her or something like that…” Chissa almost laughed. Of course she had said that. “Any thought on why she said that?”

“Probably because of what I said on the DVD magazine” said Chissa almost exhaustedly “She was pretty shocked by that.” Understatement of the year award, she thought to herself.

“Yeah she mentioned that. She also said you got mad at her about flirting with Abe-san? She was pretty upset about that it seemed.”
“She was?” Chissa choked “Why?”

“According to her there was a big misunderstanding.” Airi explained “And she said you told her you needed some time away from her?” the younger nodded sadly, recalling the whole thing. She still stood by it. Especially if Mai was going around kissing people now – no that was a stupid thing to think, obviously Mai wasn’t the one doing the kissing.

“Why did you say that?” asked Airi carefully. Chisato was a little flustered, it wasn’t really Airi’s place to be asking this, was it? Or maybe it was and Chissa’s jealousy was getting in the way of her thinking clearly again. ‘What do you even have to be jealous about, Mai isn’t yours. She never will be.’ she thought ‘Though… that’s probably why, isn’t it? Goddammit Chisato, you’re the worst.’

“I’d really rather keep that between her and me.” She muttered, probably sounding a little colder than intended.

“That’s fair,” said Airi “I guess I was just assuming it would help me realize why she got so mad at me… and why she was so… scary before I finally got her to smile…”

“You probably shocked the hell out of her when kissing her” Chissa half lied, half assumed was true. “Between my stupid half-assed confession and your kiss that you immediately took back… that’s a lot of deception in one week.”

“That would explain the prank statement” Airi mumbled thoughtfully “God I feel so stupid. I shouldn’t have done it, I should have thought about my actions before I did it. Now she’s mad at me, and even worse, we have no idea where she is.” She buried her head in her hands. Chissa figured she should probably console her, but couldn’t get herself to do it. Was Airi in love with Mai too? Were the two of them rivals in more than just singing now? ‘In order to be someone’s rival you have to actually stand a chance’ she thought ‘At least Airi managed to kiss her. What did you manage? Idiot.’

“I should probably leave her alone, right?” Airi asked helplessly “Give her space, like you are…”

“I … honestly don’t know Airi.” She replied honestly “I have no idea how to handle this situation. For either of us. I’m not really giving her space either, I’m… staying away for me…” Airi nodded.

“I’m so confused.” Her voice cracked.

“It’s a confusing situation.” Chisato admitted. They sat together in silence. 


Current Ultras: Yokoyama Reina Sasaki Rikako Asakura Kiki, Akiyama Mao Yamazaki YuhaneMaeda Kokoro♥ 

TSUBAKI FACTORY

Current Casual: Oda Sakura, Nonaka Miki, Haga AkaneTanimoto Ami Ise Layla, Kawamura Ayano,  

OGTurtle  Airi, Maimai 

 





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