In the Japanese version there are ASCII arts, but because they get messy in different fonts and I can't find a suitable font in this forum, so I can only put down the words translated.
Chapter 1. Yaruo gets into AKB
~ VIP High School ~
Yaruo: Suiseiseki chan is very cute....
Yaruo: But I don't know what to talk to her
Yaruo: So... let's eavesdrop on her conversation with her friends!
Suiseiseki: AKB is sooo cute, Kojiharu is an angel
Yaruo: (whisper) It's AKB... Isn't that otaku's interests...?
Yui: Kojiharu is cuuute! But my oshimen is Tomochin!
Yaruo: (whisper) Even Yui chan is an otaku?
Girl: Tomochin is great! My oshimen is Mariko!
Yaruo: Hmm.. Is it that AKB is very popular among girls now? If it's so let me ask that guy about it...
~ Recess Period ~
Mysterious Guy: AKB is known even among girls... seriously?
Yaruo: Yeah, you Yaranaio knows AKB very well right? There's a possibility that my rear life may become healthy, so please teach me about it.
Yaranaio: You made a fool of me long time ago, do you think I would teach you?
~ Few years ago ~
Yaranaio: The idol group AKB is sooo damn great, Yaruo
They will definitely gain popularity from now on.
Skirt, Hirari is a really great song.
Yaruo: (Mimicking Yaranaio) Skirt, Hirari is a great song.
(Laughs) Did you just said that?! ahahahaha
No matter how you look it's a lousy song ahahahaha
Yaranaio: (Kicks Yaruo) That's why I'm saying that they're gonna gain popularity from now!
Yaruo: (Defends kick) It's impossible! They can't even beat Morning Musume!
Yaruo: If that kind of idol group full of Otaku smell will become popular...
I will stand upside down and eat spaghetti from my nose! ahahahahaha
~ Back to Now ~
Yaranaio: With that incident fresh in my head, it's impossible that I will teach you...
Unless you eat spaghetti from your nose.
Use your common sense...
Yaruo: Doesn't matter, doesn't matter!
Yaranio: (grabs Yaruo by neck) If you're looking down on this I will kill you
Yaruo: Uh... I can't breathe..
Yaruo: Please...
I don't want to let my mother be worried about me... I don't want to go and watch the fireworks alone..
I want a girlfriend...
Yaruo: (grabs Yaranio by neck) I don't understand why Yaranaio as an otaku will be so happy everyday.
Yaranaio: I, I understand... please stop it Yaruo...!
Yaranaio: Seems like I've got no choice, I'll teach you then.
Recently you do see AKB on television right?
Of course there are plenty of antis but they're also quite popular among girls.
Yaranaio: First, you should go to youtube and listen some songs by AKB
For beginners I'll recommend Iiwake Maybe
After you get an oshimen the rest will be easy work.
Yaruo: Oshimen? What's that?
Yaranaio: Oshimen, put it in simple terms, is that the member which you support.
The member you support most is Ichioshi, the second will be nioshi
As you increase your oshimen, you will be categorized as DD, but for now, go watch some PV
Yaruo: Roger! Thank you so much Yaranaio
Yaranaio: Kukuku... Yaruo is one step in the swamp now...
~ Yaruo's Home ~
Yaruo: I'll just watch Iiwake Maybe as a start.
[From the PV: It's a foul! It's not a foul!]
Yaruo: Somehow it's starting from some very weird drama
They don't even know the rules about baseball...
Are they idiots...
Yaruo: The music itself is unexpectedly great!
But those members are not that great
Yaruo: ... Don't quite understand myself but it's unexpectedly good
This girl looks sexy and I don't hate it
[Music: iiwake maybeeeee]
Yaruo: There are some that I've seen them before!
Acchan is also not as ugly as described in 2ch
[Music: Maybeee Maybeee sonna yuki wa naiii]
Yaruo: This girl is really kinda cute
Yaruo: ... but she's AKB afterall
Yaruo: But saying AKB is cute makes me shameful...
Afterall Yaruo just wants to know more about AKB but not going to like it...
Indeed, you can even say I hate it
~ Next Day ~
Yaruo: I've watched it as you have told me.
But I don't have any oshimen
... Just that there's a girl in one scene that's very cute
Yaranaio: ....
I see, it's Sato Amina?
At that time she was number 8 during the Senbatsu
Although now she is 18
Yaruo: 18?
Why such a cute girl will be 18?
Yaruo: She's cuter than even the girl in the center!!!
Yaranaio: Calm, calm down Yaruo
The girl in Iiwake Maybe at 4:34
Yaranaio: So, first if you like Amina then go and search for some Amina Surprise and watch it
Yaruo: I, I didn't say that I like her!
I'm just saying that within AKB she's the cutest!
Regarding that video if I find time I will watch it anyway.
~ After School ~
Yaruo: (running) Dash~!
~ At Home ~
Yaruo: Let's just watch it first then!
~ Next Day ~
Yaruo: She, she's my oshimen now...
I want to know more about AKB so please teach me more
Yaranaio: (this guy is falling into the swamp...)
So, let's talk about AKB's history
First, Yaruo you know about Akimoto Yasushi?
Yaruo: That kusodebu (fat) old guy!
I know him!
That old guy is working for AKB right?
Yaranaio: Yeah
He works as AKB's producer and also AKB's lyrics writer, all of AKB's songs lyrics are written by him
He is also famous for being involved in Onianko Club
Yaranaio: Now this old guy will also show his face during those auditions...
Simply put he is very out of fashion and loves the kind of old look
And all sorts of sad things happen
Yaruo: Indeed, Acchan is definitely not that kind that will catch young people's eyes
(Even now she doesn't look so good but I won't say it for now)
But what kind of sad things happened?
Yaranaio: That old guy... He's also the top tier management
He'll do something like the Gorioshi
Yaruo: Gorioshi?
Yaranaio: Simply put it's supporting the member who he likes
I've just told you that in Iiwake Maybe Amina was ranked 8th and only got a few seconds of shots right?
But later on there's another girl who got a longer shot right?
That girl she was 19 at that Senbatsu
Yaruo: (vomits)!!!
Yaranaio: Akibuta's (aki-p + pig) Gorioshi is what made today's AKB but...
From there on there are 2 different words coming out, Osaremen (supported) and Hosaremen (left aside).
The main thing is whether or not Aki-P likes it or not.
By the way Amina is Hosaremen.
Yaruo: That is too much T.T
Especially when you've already an event that clearly states the popularity of each members...
Yaranaio: But that's actually not quite useful...
In the end it's just up to Aki-p
Then there is some well known incident that proves that the result of the Senbatsu is only limited to the next single
Some really extreme saying that even if you get number 1 in the Senbatsu there's a possibility that you won't be able to sing in the next single
Yaruo: Looks like some Islamic country with a looks-like democratic system but not actually democratic at all..
Yaranaio: By the way, I'll talk about something else but
You know about Media Senbatsu, Senbatsu and UG?
Yaruo: Why suddenly talk about this?
I do know that Media Senbatsu is the best ranking
Yaranaio: Yeap
The current ranking is:
1~12 is Media Senbatsu, members in this ranking gets the priority to get into the media
13~21 is Senbatsu, members in this ranking will get to sing the songs in Type A of the next single
22~40 is Under Girls, they can only sing coupling songs
By the way do you know why I suddenly talk about this?
Yaruo: No, not even the slightest idea
Yaranaio: Just now I said right? That even if you get first in Senbatsu but Aki-P will put you out of the next single, that is AKB
... The girl you like, Sato Amina is the only member in AKB which got into Media Senbatsu but was pushed out of the next single
This is super duper Hosare.
Yaruo: (vomits)!!
Yaruo: I will kill Akimoto that stupid pig!!
Yaranaio: Calm down..
Yaranaio: First, you won't know if you would change your oshimen
So first just understand about AKB as an idol group
Takamina once said that "efforts will definitely be rewarded", but that's just lying
Yaruo: (shock) I see... Didn't know about that
Yaranaio: Anyway since talking about this is not fun at all, let's just stop here.
Since AKB is an idol group you've gotta listen to their songs first
I'll borrow you the album go back and listen to it
Yaruo: I've always thought that something like AKB is composed of idiots...
Anyway, I'll just listen to this "Kamikyoku Tachi" album first...
[Music: Kimino Kotoga Sukidakara~]
Yaruo: There are great songs and not so good songs
but just listening to them is quite fun
~ Next Day ~
Yaranaio: How was it?
They're very good aren't they?
Yaruo: Although maybe it might just because it's girls voice
but just listening to it is damn fun
There are cool songs as well so I'm very happy!
Yaranaio: I see, of course the songs are great.
To produce an AKB song there will first be 20 tracks presented
From among them Akimoto Yasushi will choose one of it and write lyrics for it
That's why it's quite impossible to have lousy songs with this system
In addition to this the song "Kimi no Koto ga Suki dakara" was made by Tetsuro Oda
It's very popular and it's one of the most popular songs of AKB
Yaruo: Naruhodo~ (i see...)
It's quite awesome
I feel like listening to other songs as well but what should I listen to next?
Yaranaio: Hmm.. Just listen to those singles released
It's common sense
There are quite some great songs that aren't in Kamikyoku
Not all songs are fast tempo songs as well
Yaruo: I understand! Thank you so much!
Yaranaio: ...that guy is really into it now
~ Next Day ~
Yaruo: (high tension) I've listen to lots of songs!!
Yaranaio: I see, how was it?
Yaruo: There are lots of other songs that are very good!
Just that the first few songs Acchan's singing is really lousy
Yaruo: Well, that time she's still young so just forgive her
Yaruo: By the way I've made some research yesterday but there are a lot of "koen kyoku" (theatre performance), what's that?
Yaranaio: Koen Kyoku...
It's still too early to reach that
First you should know more about your oshimen
You know that AKB has lots of programmes?
Yaruo: Hmm.. Long time ago there was one in NHK, some kind of programme
Yaranaio: Indeed
But with that programme you can't get the best out of each members
And that programme is not around the internet as well
There's a programme at night called AKBingo you know about it?
Yaruo: I don't know about it at all...
Yaranaio: Ah... That's AKB's variety programme
Just watch it while relaxing
There's a scene where Amina ate a whole pudding which is quite famous
Yaruo: So, what is it exactly? Let's watch it first
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuKIBVd8nYw
Yaruo: (red face) ...AKB does this kind of things?!
It's very eroi...
Yaruo: I'll watch it from the beginning!
~ 3 Days Later ~
Yaruo: I've watched all of them since ＡＫＢ１じ５９ふん (AKBingo's ancestor, AKB ichiji gojyukyu fhun)
I didn't sleep at all...
Yaranaio: That, that's great...
(At least come to school...)
Yaruo: Now I understand that Itano is AKB's first solo debut is just a lie
Yaranaio: Indeed, but I don't understand why Akimoto wants to cover up everything before that
By the way, do you know about AKB having different teams?
Yaruo: There are lots of members that I haven't even seen before
so I thought they are most probably those that have graduated
Yaranaio: Yeah, there are some members that disappeared before AKB gets to get the spotlight...
By the way you know about Riko chan?
Yaruo: She's quite cute
Yaranaio: When she was in AKB she wasn't one of the unders
She was actually one of the mainstream
But even then AKB wasn't so popular...
That's why something sad happened to Nakanishi Rina...
Yaranaio: To be frank, the only member that is still active after graduating AKB is Oshima Mai
The rest might have some activity but you can't say they succeed at all
There's some selection ceremony last time which you won't be able to see now that will really reduce the number of members
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHdBqHcXlqc
Yaruo: Selection ceremony?
Yaranaio: You know about Kenkyuusei?
They are AKB's star to be.
Yaruo: Oh I know
They're the ones that will replace members that can't go for the theatre performance
What's with that?
Yaranaio: If the Kenkyuusei shows no talent or potentials or even bad attitude they will graduate even before being promoted
In short they're called Kubi
There's an incident that due to 1 bad member in 8th gen the whole 8th gen Kenkyuusei became Kubi due to joint liability
Yaruo: What the...?
What is joint liability I don't understand
Yaranaio: Originally the style of Kenkyuusei is that when one person gets promoted there will be several who will be able to follow as well
But using the spoiled orange theory the whole 8th gen is fired
There are others that are also fired due to scandal, but there are also forgiven cases like Akimoto Sayaka
All in all it's really up to Akimoto Yasushi
Yaruo: It might have been better if I didn't hear this...
Yaranaio: There are also members that rest for one and a half year and then returned
There are also those that became Kubi in just half a year
Yaruo: That, that is just too much!!
Yaranaio: Recently there's also rumours saying that members will be forced to SDN
It's just like sending you to Siberia
Since the producer is Akimoto, it's really unfortunate that these will happen but we have no choices at all
...but if you want to plant some flowers you must cut off all other unrelated grasses and sorts
...the pain is an addition
Maybe we should think of it that Akimoto Yasushi sacrifice his name to make a better idol group
Yaruo: Somehow I feel kinda sad...
I thought I was here today to know more about AKB's teams...
Yaranaio: Oh yeah
If we talk too much about these unfortunate things it's not fun at all, so let's just stop here.
You know that there are Team A
Team K
and Team B right?
Yaruo: Yes I do! Each of the teams have 16 members and they take turns each day to do theatre performance!
Yaranaio: Yes, Team A belongs to super duper idol type
Team K is sports type
Team B is being loved type
Yaruo: Although being and ido and being sports type is really contradicting, but
I don't understand about the being loved type
Yaranaio: Team K have their strong points as Team K
Maybe because they're cool
Put it simply Team B are those members that are adorable
However after the team shuffle each team's characteristics kinda become less obvious
Yaruo: What do you mean by team shuffle?
Yaranaio: It's because Team B is tooo unpopular... Although I don't think so, but all the team's members have been changed for once
The result might be good, might be bad but there are a lot of changes
The balance is better but a lot of things are also lost
It's because all teams are being built up from scratch again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JAKPNZWp0g
This is an event where the fans vote their favourite song, and AKB will perform the songs based on the ranking. This is when the old Team B's song got number 1
As the last team that was formed, but because of fans' support they climbed up to number 1.
The whole of Team B were really happy and this is a really touching video so please watch it
Yaruo: Naruhodo, that's what it means
I roughly know about it now
Yaranaio: So with the basics now in your head
let's listen to some Koen Kyoku
You should watch B5th "siata no megami" theatre performance where Amina appears
Yaruo: So koen kyoku is those songs that are being used for theatre performance everyday?
Yaranaio: That's right
To sum up the number of theatre performance
A has 6
K has 6
B has 5 and each of them have 15 songs so it's a really large amount of songs
Among them there are also some really famous song
Although there are some koen that have been retracted
~ At Home ~
Yaruo: So what is it actually, let's take a look
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4cX5gOa3OM
~ Next Day ~
Yaranaio: Wonder how's that guy doing now?
Yaruo: (high tension) Tiger Fire Cyber Fiber Diver Viver Judger!
Yaranaio: ...
Yaruo: (continues) Tora hi jinzou senyi ama shindou kasentobijyokyo!
Yaranaio: (grabs Yaruo) calm down, we're in school now
Yaruo: This, this cheering sound just can't go off my head
Yaranaio: Do you know when and where to use that, Yaruo
Yaruo: No, I don't know... Just somehow...
Yaruo: Normally that is what all fans will shout together right?
Yaranaio: That is called mix
Fans shout them during the songs in attempt to get everyone excited
It's not originated from AKB, not all fans will do it together also, eventhough it's more fun if you do it
For normal people it will be quite tough I think
Yaruo: So that's called mix, I see...
So are the ones I shouted just now correct?
Yaranaio: Yes
English version: Tiger Fire Cyber Fiber Diver Viver Judger!
Japaese Version: Tora hi jinzou senyi ama shindou kasentobijyokyo!
Besides that there's even Ainu version
Chyape Ape Kara Kira Rara Tusuke Myohontusuke!
But different people have different kinds of reading for it
There's also pegasus mix and sorts but you don't have to remember them
Yaruo: Why don't I have to know about pegasus mix?
Yaranaio: Simply put there's no one who will do it
it will be plain disturbing
There's also after shift mix where you say the same thing but just shouting earlier or later but those are also not really used
mix is usually shouted when the song begins and in the middle (T/N: around after 2nd chorus?)
Besides that, when you're starting the middle it's basically
"Aaa~ mou icha ikuzo-!" (T/N: Ah, let's go once more!) then the Japanese version
Yaruo: Naruhodo
Yaranaio: In this video however the first one is a double mix
The next interlude is once
Then the next interlude is especially long though
"Aaa~ mou icha ikuzo!" then the English version, then the triple mix
How's it? Understand now?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fw7uQLjtP88
Yaruo: Somehow... so long as you do it you should somehow know it...
By the way, what do those words mean?
Yaranaio: (T/N: I don't know what it means seriously, it originates from a Japanese poem but the origin is not clear)
虎の如く火の如く
人の造らざる繊細な心も 維新となれば
海をのみ 女を食らふ
その振動を 心の有るがままに化身し
本来繊細な心を飛ばし 刹那に思ふがまま 除き去る
これ 己に忠実
刹那な刻の流れに身を任すのみ
これこそ 高まりの心髄なり
Yaruo: Naruhodo! Then what about those "Acchan-!" that are shouted during the songs? What are those?
Yaranaio: That differs depending on the songs, look these up by yourself.
How's it, any question?
Yaruo: It's okay now! I wanna go watch some live!!
Yaranaio: I see, live... Do you wanna go for "Minogashita Kimitachi e" koen?
※ The setting is around half a year ago
Yaruo: What's that?
Yaranaio: They're reviving those koen that have already ended. It's a very good chance I think.
Yaruo: (Decides to go for it)
Yaranaio: I'll get the tickets for you but remember to pay them back.
Yaruo: Even if you say so, maybe I'll ask take my mom...
(Maybe ransacking for money...)
Yaruo: No, I'm not doing that! But I wanna go to the live, maybe I'll do some part time work!
Yaruo: (Gets a job)
Yaruo Mom: So clever, working and earning money already ^ ^
Yaruo Dad: Work hard Yaruo
Yaruo: I will!
Yaruo: It's because I have a target I'm working very hard!! Wait for me Amina chan!!
Suiseiseki: (Yaruo looks so manly recently)
Suiseiseki: ...Maybe he has a girlfriend already?
Suiseiseki: Hey Yaruo kun
Yaruo: Oh, Suiseiseki chan! What's up?
Suiseiseki: You... you have someone you like already?
Yaruo: !! (This must be talking about oshimen!)
Yaruo: Sato Amina chan!!
She's so cute and she's an angel!
Yaranaio: ...
Yaranaio: Wait, wait up Yaruo
Yaruo: What! -_-
Yaranaio: What are you achieving with this!
Yaruo: What are you talking about!
Suiseiseki: My rival is a girl called Sato Amina...
I won't lose to her!!
※ Normal people don't know about Sato Amina
Yaranaio: Since it already happened I can't help you...
If it goes on you have only AKB left...
Can't really wait until the koen
Yaruo: What are you talking about!
This is just the beginning!
~ The Day of The Koen ~
Yaranaio: Did you memorize the mix properly?
Yaruo: Of course!
Yaruo: Let's jump across these details!!
Yaranaio: Judger!!
Yaruo: kasentobijyokyo!!
~ End of Performance ~
Yaruo: (tears) I'm touched
Yaranaio: Right... Next will be the handshake event
~ A little bit before this ~
Yaranaio: Because it's Zen Aku so you can't shake hands for a long time, but you would of course wanna show your face to the members
Plus there's the senbatsu, I will be buying 50 of them
For individuals it will be 20
Yaruo: Zen Aku is national handshake event...?
Individual is individual handshake event...?
I, I will buy Type A and Type B, 2 of them is enough...
Yaranaio: How can you expect yourself to be known with that damnit
Yaruo: What, what being known?
Yaranaio: It seems I have to explain from the beginning to make you understand
First national handshake event is a handshake event that will be organized at all sorts of places in Japan
Then individual handshake event is an event where it will only be held around the capital (T/N:Tokyo)
So first, what's the difference!
The CD you are going to buy is different! The CD with national handshake event ticket in it is 1,600 Yen. If it's a CD before the Senbatsu then DVD and the paper to vote will be included.
Similarly those theatre version CDs have individual handshake event ticket and it's 1,000 Yen.
But it doesn't include DVD nor the paper with the serial number to vote.
Yarunaio: Next is the difference in the handshake event type.
National handshake event have mini-live as well
But because it's going around the whole Japan some of the members won't be going, it's a very high risk for Tanoshi
But well, it's easier to sell off the ticket than the individual handshake ticket so it's not much problem
The biggest problem is that the time for you to shake hands is very short, kind of a conveyor system because there's a lot of people
In relative to this, individual handshake event only performs handshaking
All members will also be there
The handshaking is unlike national handshake event, you have at least few seconds
Then the best part is that you can present several tickets simultaneously
※ Tanoshi means you only support 1 member
Yaruo: Present tickets simultaneously...?
Yaranaio: 1 individual handshake event ticket is for about 7 seconds
If you present 2 you'll get around 18 seconds
For 3 you'll get around 30 seconds
In handshake event when time's up there will be staff who will shout "Hagashi"
Before that how much you're able to use your time is the point
However there have also been an incident where one guy presented 420 tickets at the same time
Therefore getting 70 minutes of time for him and the member (there's also a staff standing there, no worries)
Yaranaio: Then about being known
Handshake event is to let yourself being known
You will be told "You came again--Yaranaio" by an idol
It's the happiest thing in life it's common sense!
That's why just once is very difficult to be known
By having outstanding (read: weird) outfit you might give the idol an image
But I recommend that you get known by your normal outfit.
Yaruo: (Yaranaio... Are you that serious... I don't wanna be like that...)
~ Back to After the End of Performance ~
Yaruo: I will buy 30 handshake event ticket!!
Yaranaio: Put handshake event aside, are you sure it's okay for Senbatsu?
Especially for Amina even 1 vote is very precious you know?
Yaranaio: See this, even with 100 votes the places will change you know?
11位 12082票 松井玲奈（中間10位／速報8位／2009年29位）
12位 11080票 河西智美（中間13位／速報13位／2009年10位）
13位 11062票 高城亜樹（中間11位／速報11位／2009年23位）
14位 9692票 峯岸みなみ（中間15位タイ／速報15位／2009年16位）
15位 9468票 小野恵令奈（中間12位／速報12位／2009年11位）
16位 8836票 北原里英（中間14位／速報14位／2009年13位）
17位 8049票 秋元才加（中間21位／速報21位タイ／2009年12位）
18位 6921票 佐藤亜美菜（中間19位／速報16位／2009年8位）
19位 6704票 指原莉乃（中間18位／速報17位／2009年27位）
20位 6567票 仲川遥香（中間20位／速報19位／2009年圏外） ※ 2010's results
Yaranaio: Even at the top there are such vote difference
Are you sure you don't have to invest into this?
And in this situation, just 20 votes can put you into media senbatsu you know?
12位 11080票 河西智美（中間13位／速報13位／2009年10位）
13位 11062票 高城亜樹（中間11位／速報11位／2009年23位）
Yaruo: I can't stand this!!
I'll go around all the shops to find any CD left!
Yaruo: I'll buy 50 CDs first!!
Of course they're all first time limited edition!!
I will vote all of them to Amina!!
Yaranaio: kukuku... of course you will become like this Yaruo...
Yaruo: Anyway, I'll go to the handshake event first!!
=== End of Chapter 1 ===
From here onwards there will be even serious stories about Japan's Idol Otaku, and how crazy they are... stay tuned
Translated from: http://oyoguyaruo.bl...entry-3533.html
