150 replies to this topic

[JuulChii]

^
You'll read in the next chap

[adreza]

@Chapter 4
Wow its become more interesting...
Captain, Miya and Maasa - In danger situation
Rii, Momo, Yurina and Chii - Quarrelling each other
Momo - The reason in all bad happen...
Still many question not reveal....i love it!!!can't wait for next chapter...

[Rice-chan]

NOOOO MOMO!! I don't believe her!!
She's just saying that to let them stop right?
Momo wouldn't do such a thing right?!

[aya-chii]

I HATE YOU JUL~!!!!
WHY MOMO!!!!


whahahah... kiddin'... but you caused me high blood... why momo?!

[Sunday Morning]

Momo!?
Why!? How!? But ... they're her friends ... She just say that to let Rii and Chii stop quarrel, right? :-/
Omg I want the next chapter!!!

And Chii ... At first when she wants to leave I was like 'What!? Are you dumb!? You can't just leave them behind!' ... but, otherwise ... I can't blame her ... I mean, I wouldn't have known too what I can do in that situation ^^"
Maybe it was Chinami after all lol

And what happend to Maa, Saki and Miya!? I want know that! Immediately!

[JuulChii]

Thank you for reading everyone!! (Sorry for this late reply)
And sorry for making scaring you all about Momo I was really long thinking about it, I mostly make those decision at the end.
I will give you guys one little teaser about the next chap: Nothing bad happened to Maa, Saki and Miya

Nichiyobi: Thanks for your summarize. Gives me the feeling you didn't just read the last sentences.

[Sunday Morning]

Nothing bad happened to Maa, Saki and Miya

Ah, thank goodness =)
But they're still in that Mansion so that relieved me just a bit lol
(I also want to hear Momo's explanation for her action ...)

Oh, and, Juulchi, I would never do something like that! I really like your story and so it's a necessity to write my thoughts and feelings down even if I can't really express myself

[JuulChii]

^
I wasn't talking about you in my last sentence, I just really like that you talk about my whole chapter. So I know what my reader think about that part, is it confusing or good

[adreza]

JuuIchi,when the latest chapter out???

[JuulChii]

^
I'm almost done. Maybe work on it tonight, it depends on how long I want it to be.

[JuulChii]

Chapter 5 is up. You like/hate it? Any comments about it? Plz tell me

50th post of this thread!!

==============================

Chapter 5

“Damn, not now!”

Captain hit the walkie-talkie a few times, but there was still no sound coming off. She sighed and sat next to Maasa and Miyabi.

“Why didn’t you let me tell them about the ghost who came here?” Maasa asked. When she wanted to tell Risako and the others about the incident that just happened, Captain cut her off and changes to topic.

“Didn’t you hear how worried Risako and Yurina sounded? Of course they are scared too, for us not coming back after we entered the mansion and you telling this story that it is haunted, and it’s actually true too. I didn’t want to make them more scared.”

“Oh yeah,” Maasa felt stupid after she said that. Yurina and Risako are the youngest of their group, and Risako can get scared very easily. Not even talking about Momoko. She can't imagine her doing all this. “Sorry.”

“Me too,” Miyabi said. “I didn’t think of that.” She grabbed the walkie-talkie and stood up. “Are we going then, for their sake?”

Captain and Maasa both nodded and started to stand up. While standing, Captain gave a painful face and Maasa staggered a bit.

“What's wrong with you guys?” Miyabi asked.

“My stomach,” Captain rubbed on her belly.

“Headache,” Maasa said while not trying to fall.

Miyabi grinned. “How can you protect me in your states!” she put her hands on her hips and gave a determinate face. “Move it so I can lead you to the exit of this War Cry mansion.”

“War Cry?” Maasa looked confused, but Captain was smiling, happy for her for not being scared anymore. When she woke up after the ghost was gone, Miyabi was crying and hugging her, screaming about that Maasa wouldn’t wake up either, thinking of being left alone here. It took her some time to calm Miyabi down, and kept telling her that everything will be alright.

With confident Miyabi walking passed the two and grabbed the doorknob. But then she froze.

“What wrong, brave one?” Maasa asked.

Miyabi turned her head and put a forceful smile on her face. “I – er – maybe you should go first. You know how to keep the ghosts away so…”

“Oh, okay,” Maasa said startled, she hadn’t expected that. She walked to the door, trying to remember how it looked like when they came bashing to this room. Captain gave her the flashlight.

“Don’t worry, I’m right behind you.”

“Ehm, isn’t it better if I stayed behind Maa chan? You never know what – “ Miya said

“I’ll be right behind you after you Miya,” Captain corrected herself.

Maasa smiled. She let go of the stone in her pocket, what she was holding this whole time. With her right hand she slowly opened the door, while she heard Miyabi shivering behind her.

She took one step on the corridor. It was still a bit dark. The lights on the ceiling where flickering and a cold wind made her also shiver. A weird smell of iron came in her noise, and she heard Captain coughing. When they were all out of the room, Captain closed the door behind here, and the sound of it kept echoing for a long time. Maasa pointed the flash light to the right and to the left. There was a passage on both ways.

“Which way first?” Miyabi asked with a high pitched voice. She rubbed both of her arms with her hards. Even with jacket on, it was still freezing.

“I don’t know, to the left.” Maasa said.

“Why to the left?”

“I don’t know. I just chose it randomly.”

“That’s the second time you say that you don’t know.”

“Hello, you asked me which way we should go!”

“You guys, be quiet!”

The two girls looked at Captain, who was looking paler then before. Maasa felt guilty, she shouted her last words. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.”

“I started this all, so I’m sorry,” Miyabi said, looking to the ground. “I’m just really…scared.”

Captain grabbed both Miyabi and Maasa’s arm. “We all are. If we just stick together and help each other, we will find a way out of here. From now on, Maasa will lead us the way. Any complain?”

Miyabi and Maasa shook their heads. Maasa now pointed the flashlight to the left, and so they walked into a new direction. Maasa first, Miyabi second, and Captain third.

While we walked to somewhere, lots of thoughts where flashing through my mind. I felt having a big responsibility, walking in a line, not having someone beside me. And I was the only one having something to protect the three of us.
I have no idea how I did it in the first place. The only thing I kept in my mind was saving Saki chan. What if the same would happen to me? How can Miya and Saki chan escape here safely? My heart was racing, my head was turning, and I thought that at every step I made a ghost or something worse would come through a wall. The flashlight in my hand was shaking. I wanted to get out of this place. I wanted to know who did this to us, and why. I wanted my head to stop hurting. I just… want everyone to be safe.

“Look, there is a way to the right,” Captain said. At the end of where the light could reach, they indeed saw a way to the right.

“Okay, I’ll see if there’s a way through it,” Maasa said. Captain nodded, and Miyabi pinched her in her arm. Maasa took a deep sight, and then looked.

At first, she saw it was a dead end. But the smell of iron was stronger than before. She wanted to ignore this and keep walking straight, when she saw some dark parts on the ground. Maasa put the flashlight on it, and she could see that the color of it was red. Slowly she moved the light to the source of it, where the red parts became bigger, to the wall. Maasa gasped, tried not to scream and felt like her heart stopped beating for like a minute. A man was lying down on the ground. His eyes were two black holes, but there was also one on his forehead, where all the red blood was coming from. Maasa turned her head towards Miyabi and Captain, with the flashlight facing her feet so that they couldn’t see her facial expression.

“So? Is there a way?” Miyabi asked when Maasa hadn’t said anything.

“We’re going back. From where we came from we’re go to the right.”

“What?” Miyabi said startled. Maasa’s voice was low, but she sounded a bit sared in the way she said that.

“Just go!”

At the moment Maasa yelled that, a bright light appeared from her pocket. It stopped as quickly as it came. Maasa grabbed the stone and hold it with her index finger and thumb.

“It is warm,” Maasa said, looking at the little white stone.

“Why did it light up?” Miyabi asked.

“I think…It was responding to Maa chan,” Captain said.

to be continued

[Sunday Morning]

Now I'm hyper ... I was like; "Yay! What!? Cute! lol!? Aww! Ugh! Huh!?"
Don't mind me, I'm strange, but I didn't expect so much several feelings in one chapter!

Miyabi grinned. “How can you protect me in your states!” she put her hands on her hips and gave a determinate face. “Move it so I can lead you to the exit of this War Cry mansion.”

I really loled at Miyabi! Really, really cute
Can't get over it!

With confident Miyabi walked pasted the two and grabbed the doorknob. But then she froze.
“What wrong, brave one?” Maasa asked.

Omg! Epic sentence by Maasa!
I want moar! =)
Thanks for that sentence!

“Don’t worry, I’m right behind you.”
“Ehm, isn’t it better if I stayed behind Maa chan? You never know what – “

I know, I'm going to quote much, but that's also so cute! But in that situation I would want the same lol I can fully understand Miya!

Spoiler

Even if I was never in a situation like them

“I don’t know, to the left.” Maasa said.
“Why to the left?”
"I don’t know. I just chose it randomly.”
“That’s the second time you say that you don’t know.”
“Hello, you asked me which way we should go!”
“You guys, quiet!”

I love these discussions! I was really smiling! It still let me smile =)
Saki is really very Captain-like! But she's right ... It's wrong to shout and squarrel in a situation like that!

The only thing I kept in my mind was saving Saki chan.

It gave me an 'Awww cute' feeling, but I was also surprised! It seems that she just care about Saki in the first instance ...

A man was lying down on the ground. His eyes were two black holes, but there was also one on his forehead, where all the red blood was coming from.

I would die due to fear o_O
I wouldn't manage to lead the others ... I adore Maasa!

“I think…It was responding to Maa chan,” Captain said.

At least that is good. More or less ...

I really love that chapter. It was full of smiles and just when you feel a little safe the horror comes again! Great!

I can't wait 'till the next chapter! I want to know all the things NOW!
Hurry! I want the next cahpter! lol

Ah, don't worry, I was just joking! Take your time! I will patiently waiting ...

[adreza]

i love it...
i like the moment captain her leadership....
its look like miya and maasa really scare when captain get mad...
nice chapter JuuIchi...
i waiting for next chapter....

[oddball]

Ha ha brave Miya lasted all of about 5 seconds

Saki getting angry seemed to scare Miya and Maa more than the ghosts!?

Hmm what power does Maa have, and what exactly is that stone?

[aya-chii]

bwahahahah~!!!
be strong maa-chan!!!

if i were in her place, and saw that bloody man, i might have been jumping and shrieking in joy
"LOok!Look! look, what i see! look~it's too bloody, awesome!"

Spoiler

normal reaction towards such stuffs

but maybe i might be shaking in fear with that kind of atmosphere...

[JuulChii]

^
What? You mean you will laugh when you see blood How evil

adreza: I know you'll wait for the next . Thank you for reading!

oddbal: Glad you liked it!

Nichiyobi: Thank you so much for your long comment! I'm so happy

[aya-chii]

oh.. i shifted here... i see now julchii's compliment...
ah yah... when i went to the hospital, i enjoyed the view in the emergency room... they are perfect for your otakebi mansion

[adreza]

^
^
hahaha...you know it...
i'm the biggest fan of your Otakebi Mansion fanfic...

[JuulChii]

Chapter 6 is up. I found it to short thought, but someone was insisting I should just post it anyway.

====================


Chapter 6

“I’m… I’m the one who made this portal!” shouted Momoko.

The words couldn’t echo more in Yurina’s head. She looked at Momoko, who was still looking at Risako and Chinami with clenched fists. Her tears were dropping on the ground. Risako and Chinami let go of each other, but were looking at her in shock. No one couldn’t say a word for a long time, then Yurina broke the silence.

“You’re lying, right?” she said with hope in her voice. “You were just trying to stop them, so they wouldn’t fight anymore. Because you couldn’t have done this… You would never – “

“I was never capable of this, is that what you mean?”

Momoko raised her voice, and Yurina heard anger when she just spoke. Momoko wiped her tears of and her body loosed a bit. “I couldn’t do any of this because I’m not able to do it, eh!”

“What are you talking about?” Risako asked, even more in shock. This was not the Momoko she knew anymore a few seconds ago. Yurina stared with open mouth at her back. Momoko looked with an angry face to Risako. It almost frightened her. Risako grabbed without really noticing Chinami’s hand and averted her face somewhere else. Chinami stayed strong and kept looking in Momoko’s eyes.

At that moment, Momoko blinked and her gaze changed. She closed her eyes and looked like she was going to fall, when Yurina quickly came to her and helped. Momoko thanked her and she stood up, with Yurina still by her side.

“I’m sorry,” Momoko said. Chinami saw her frowning her eyebrows, like she was thinking. “I’m a bit…confused, that’s all.”

“Momo, will you tell us what has been happening?” Chinami said, still looking with sharp eyes to her. She felt Risako squeezing her hand. Her eyes were red. Chinami squeezed back.

It became cloudy and dark outside. The rain dropped slowly from the sky and there was a soft sound of a storm. In these sorts of times Momoko will scream with a high-pitch voice, but now she looked serious. She nodded to Chinami as an answer.

“Shall we go inside a restaurant or something?” Yurina asked who was feeling goose bumps under her jacket and felt how her hair was changing its form. “All the other staff has been going there, because they are too scared to go here or are tired. We should tell them what’s going on.”

“But what about Saki and the rest!” Risako said. “We have to stay here.”

“We’ll go under the small roof by the Mansion then,” Chinami said. That was the last thing Yurina wanted. She founded the Otakebi Mansion too scared, even from the outside. She couldn’t think of herself being teleported to a ghost dimension after being in there

The girls crouched under the small roof close to each other, except for Momo being a few inches apart from them. She sighed, grabbed her knees, and began her story while staring at the rain

“In the time I did it, I was feeling really depressed about everything. She had made me so convinced about all the things she has been saying, I wasn’t thinking about anything. My whole mind was empty, with no one to hug me.
“It happened around the time we had dance lessons for Otakebi Boy. I was really tired because of dancing and was sitting on the side for a time. I don’t know why, but I had the feeling you were all talking about me. That I was asking too much attention when we were dancing. I didn’t know you founded it wrong. And on that same night, I – like Maasa – also had a ghost who came to me. Her name was Motoko. But she wasn’t just appearing in my dreams, but also in my daily life.
“Every time we had to do something for Berryz, she told me how you were thinking of me. She said you found me annoying, not fitting in the group and troublesome. I wasn’t aware that she was lying, but I thought that every single thing she said was true.”

Momoko sniffed a few times and coughed, trying to fight her tears back, but the other three stayed focused in her story. Risako didn’t know that she was feeling like this. She was noticing Momoko was getting more aloof, but not like this.

“Her stories were getting worse and worse, it was really tearing me apart. I lost my confidence; I didn’t want to continue anymore. I was even scared of asking you guys about it
“And then one time, Motoko told me about what happened in the Otakebi Mansion, that there were still many ghosts in there. She told me of this portal to that dimension, when entering it, you couldn’t get out by yourself. So on the night before we went here shooting, I and Motoko went to the amusement park and made the portal together.
"I wanted to tell her that this was a bad idea at all, after receiving a text message from Miya. But she wasn’t at this dimension anymore. This was all in her plan.”

Risako sneezed, and the story ended. Momoko couldn’t hold it anymore and put her head between her knees. Yurina and Chinami gave a glance at each other. They nodded. Chinami gabbed Risako’s hand. They stood up, sat next to Momoko and gave her all a hug. Momoko’s shoulders were shaking, and she burst into tears. Everything she felt the last months were coming out.

“I’m so sorry guys, I shouldn’t have ever done this! I… I have k… killed – “

“You haven’t killed anyone!” Risako screamed through her tears. “It is our fault for not noticing how bad you felt.”

“Yeah, you always look after us and know when we’re having trouble,” Yurina said in the arms of Momoko.

“We will save Saki and rest together! Because you have friends who will never let you down, don’t forget that!” Chinami rubbed her eyes and looked to her with a smile.

Momoko looked at her friends. She didn’t felt anger nor emptiness anymore. She looked at Chinami, the member she couldn’t interact the best, and was also smiling. “Thank you.”

She rubbed her tears of her cheek, and so did Risako. Yurina came up and looked normal again.

“I just have a question you maybe know,” Chinami said. “Why do the ghosts want humans to their dimension?”

“Motoko said that…” Momoko’s eyes grew big at that moment. “She said that, they are looking for souls."

to be continued

[Sunday Morning]

“I’m… I’m the one who made this teleport!”
The words couldn’t echo more in Yurina’s head. She looked at Momoko, who was still looking at Risako and Chinami with clenched fists. Her tears were dropping on the ground. Risako and Chinami let go of each other, but were watching her in shock. No one couldn’t say a word for a long time, when Yurina broke the silence.

OMG! I soo~ can imagine this in a movie ...
Maybe slowed ... And the sounds of the place who they are goes a little quiet etc.
I've the perfect scene in my head x)

“You’re lying, right?” she said with hope in her voice. “You were just trying to stop them, so they wouldn’t fight anymore. Because you couldn’t have done this… You would never – “

I was thinking exactly the same! Momoko would never do that ...

“I was never capable of this, is that what you mean?”

Eh~!? That's somehow creepy to hear that from her ... Why shouldn't she be capable for this ... It's so strange to hear that from her ...

That was the last thing Yurina wanted. She founded the Otakebi Mansion too scared, even from the outside. She couldn’t think of herself being teleported to a ghost dimension after being self in there.

lol and again I was thinking the same! Yurina and I are connected
Of course I wouldn't want to go to an other place when Maasa & Co. inside this Mansion, but I also wouldn't go nearer to that place I think I would just stand in the rain ...
And I was a bit laughing, when I'm read that the stuff was already in a restaurant

All about Momo's Story

OMG! Poor girl! That's so sad!

Spoiler

But I must admit, that I really sometimes think that the others are a little annoyed by her ...

The story makes me sad! I want my corner to cry now! :-/

“Motoko said that…” Momoko’s eyes grew big at that moment. “She said that, they are looking for souls."

Ookay~
I want to read more!
Poor Maasa! Poor Saki! Poor Miyabi!
I'm fear for them

I love the chapter but ... I hate Cliffhangers!

...

I found it to short thought, but someone was insisting

What!?