16 replies to this topic

[Oikaze]

The best humor is often unintentional. There is a site of funny quotes, most of them unintentional, from actual, everyday people:

http://www.rinkworks.com/said/

Here are a few of my favorites...

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment." (Accident Report)

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." (Accident Report)

"Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33." (Excuse Letter)

"I worked as a Corporate Lesion." (Resume)

"1 man, 7 woman hot tub -- $850/offer" (Classified Ad)

"2 wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15" (Classified Ad)

*Note: "The tops" is an expression meaning that something is excellent*

Spoiler

"Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops." (Classified Ad)

"I need a color photograph of George Washington." (Question Asked of a Librarian)

There are many, many more. Browse the work of the various accidental comedians on that site or relate some other typos, slips-of-the-tongue or other accidental humor.

[pesbs]

@Oikaze

I am checking the website, right now. It has some very funny phrases. I just finished the ones related to Accidents.

[zam（仮）]

Unintentional eh. There are a few that happend with in H!P, Berryz to be exact, that I can recall. The best is from Risako's Yorosen, at the end of the show she was congratualting the winner. She should have ended it there but Risako continued reading the next line which was meant for Mano Erina

[Oikaze]

In terms of unintentional H!P humor, no one can top early Kaori Iida. She made Taka-san's job so easy. Watch early Utaban episodes to see what I mean:

http://www.youtube.c...xplosiveIsamu00

I don't know if there is any "Johnson"-level boke in current H!P. Maimi is unintentionally funny, though:



She proved that mind, if scattered, can triumph over matter.

[pesbs]

@Oikaze

I enjoyed very much that video, I really laugh a lot.
I just subscribed to your channel on youtube, since I also have a youtube account and want to see more of your videos later on.

[Oikaze]

^ Oh, that isn't my channel. I have no clue how to upload things onto YouTube. I'm not ExplosiveIsamu00; I'm "Barmyandlight" on YouTube.

[pesbs]

@Oikaze

Oh, ok... sorry. I thought it was yours since you put a link to it on your post.

[ExplosiveIsamu]

Hey, who summoned me? (?)

About the page, I really love the kids part. And the lawyers part is crazy... I don't know how they could graduate from Law school >_<

Fave ones:

* Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
* Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
* Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
* Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

OWNED
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
* Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

OWNED ONE MORE TIME
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
* Witness: "That's me."
* Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"

Heck no, I wasn't there. What makes you to think that I was? -rolls eyes-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
* Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

Yeah, well duh!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
* Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
* Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
* Witness: "Forty-five years."

WTF?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And the main attraction:

* Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
* Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."

I bet all the court was like "Huh?" at the time... even the lawyer who asked.

[jrongow]

^LOL.. I've actually seen them before.. They're from a book called "Disorder in the Courts of America"... You might wanna check the book out.. There are some other really funny ones in there...

[Picky]

It's lame but I keep laughing at this

http://www.abbeyroad.com/Crossing/

A webcam of the crossing from the Beatles cover and there is nearly always somebody standing in the middle of the road to get their picture taken.
I find it funny because I know someone who has to drive through it a lot and is always complaining about people just standing still doing nothing. :-p

[Moondoggie]

This one really has me laughing. A "tough guy" left a threatening message for a guy saying he was going to come beat him up but the whole thing sounds and looks weird (Why is his friend standing topless behind him?!) and the guy uploaded it online for all to laugh at. Very funny. (WARNING: SEVERE LANGUAGE)

[Kecham]

It's lame but I keep laughing at this

http://www.abbeyroad.com/Crossing/

A webcam of the crossing from the Beatles cover and there is nearly always somebody standing in the middle of the road to get their picture taken.
I find it funny because I know someone who has to drive through it a lot and is always complaining about people just standing still doing nothing. :-p

LOL every time I click on the link there's always someone doing something weird it's a bit quiet in the middle of the night but there was this one guy on a scooter driving around and unnecessary flashing with lights

[Moondoggie]

^

Oh that's great i never looked at this before. It's always funny how some people can lose the plot in famous places and most i imagine have no idea they are being watched when they commit these antics

[JennyInTokyo]

Silly little joke I read a while ago >.< It made me giggle!

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead rob and bank and get chased by the police. To hide from them they hide in a barn on the side of the road and they all hide in a potato sack. The police then follow after them and start to make their way to the potato sacks. They approach the first sack that contains the brunette, but before they can look she goes WOOF WOOF. "There's nobody in there!" the cop says. "It's just a dog." They then approach the second potato sack that hides the redhead and just before they search it she says MEOW MEOW. Again, "There's nobody in there," says the cops. "It's just a cat." They then approach the 3rd sack where the blonde is hiding and just before they look into it she shouts POTATO POTATO!

Get it?

Its not meant to be offensive to blondes I think blonde is pretty its just the joke did make me giggle

[Picky]

http://www.reddit.com/r/kerinportillo/

Basically it started with a meme called Sheltered College Freshman/Girl which was a stock photo of this one random girl but recently people have been finding out that the girl in the picture has been doing lots of other stock photos and people have started submitting links to where they find her and put it in this Subreddit. I keep laughing at all the different places she shows up in. :-p

[David Snow]

My Granddaughter is the manager of the electronics dept at Walmart.  She interviewed a few people today for a couple of positions there.  She was interviewing one girl, and mentioned to the girl she would have to take a drug test.  To which the girl asked, "Will it be a WRITTEN test??"

[Rioquette]

^That is priceless!

 

I don't know if this counts, but it was probably one of the funniest things I have ever seen. On an episode of The People's Court, a woman declares she is suing another for $5,000, when they ask her how the other wronged her openly states "I let her use my daughter on my tax refund". Despite the fact that tax fraud is almost put above murder in the U.S. until the very last moment she argued "we had an agreement!"

 

A day in my history class during the administration assessment, my teacher was aiming for a perfect run and for us all to answer questions diligently. As we were speaking of the Great Schism, my teacher asked "do you know what a cardinal is?" and the girl behind me, high and proud hollers out "A BIRD!!"