My Morning Musume '14 New York Concert Experience [MORE STUFF ADDED]

I just got back from Morning Musume '14 's NYC concert. It is 10:48pm, and I'm exhausted, but it was one heck of a night and I can't sleep without jotting all of these details down from the very beginning. Fair warning, this is gonna be long. But rewarding!

I've been a fan of Morning Musume ever since I was 9. Missing out on MM in LA, Berryz in Washington, and then Berryz in New Jersey was hard for me, even back then as a kid. My mom saw me missing out on these chances, but since she really doesn't like idols she thought it was best for me not to go and get too wrapped up in the bad subculture of Japanese pop. "Someday," she told me, "If they ever go to New York, I'll take you."
"But Mom!" The 12-year-old me replied, "They will NEVER come to New York! They've been to America too many times already! I've lost my chance..." I said, sulking, while my mom silently cheered in the background.

And really, I didn't mind not seeing a Hello! Project act live. I was supporting them as best I could, and had other things to focus on, mainly school. But as the years past, my life became harder, and I was forced into following a schedule very similar to the Morning Musume girls. They were my release, the little world I went to when I had two minutes of freedom during a break. That's what attracted me even more to them-- I was connected: same age, same demands, same interests. I was vicariously living through their successes. Let's just say that, like many of us here, I developed a great attachment to Morning Musume. And my mom, the idol-hating mother of an only child who had spent almost half of her life idolizing Japanese girls, began to notice this.
"No more J-Pop! I mean it!"
"But-"
"No buts!" she retorts, beginning to rattle a list of reasons why idols only cater to old men.

Well, when I found out that Morning Musume '14 was coming to New York City, I passed out (basically.) My entire childhood was spent with these girls, but not in a normal way. I mean, I would finally be able to see them. In person. Not from a computer screen. They are tangible beings, not 2D figments I view on a screen. Surprisingly, my mom was cool with it. "I made a promise, didn't I?" she told me.

But as the weeks passed, our financial status worsened, and making it to NY would be pretty impossible. When tickets went on sale, I remember begging her to be able to log on to AXS to wait for VIP tickets. I had just gotten back from a national scholastic competition, ranking the first in my state.

I was begging so fervently that from this point on, my mom had the mindset that I had an extreme addiction. Hello! Project was to be avoided like the plague, as to not enable me into bad behavior.

I ended up going behind her back and doing something that even I regret. It was a new low for me, and really made me begin to realize, "Would I really go this far for an idol group?" I got someone to buy the tickets for me, but in a negative way. I can't really go into it, but obviously this added to my mom's suspicion of my addiction. All I knew was that if I had the tickets, transportation would follow.

Well, I ended up asking an anime-loving friend of mine if she would go with me, and she said yes. Her parents would drive me, and she would get the second ticket. After this deal was in the works, my mom made a deal with me. Leverage, if you will. Perform to her satisfaction in school and in activities, and I could go. No biggie, I said. It was, essentially, a "biggie." But I worked my butt off. And since we were low on cash, I spent hours on end going on online survey websites to buy supplies for the concert. After weeks of filling out questionnaires on the internet, I had enough Amazon points to redeem to buy a Lumiace, a t shirt to decorate, and an orange sweatband. Score!
But as the date neared closer and closer, I never really knew if I would be allowed to go. Yes, no, yes, no way, what?, yes, okay, no, maybe, which ended up being the answer until a couple of days ago. Waiting on pins and needles kinda bothered me, but on Friday, it was official. I was going.

After the apparent goods fiasco in AnimeNEXT, no one wanted to take chances with getting goods and the HS CD, after the whole VIP ordeal. As I heard the time that most people were arriving get pushed earlier and earlier, I settled on getting picked up at 3:30am and getting there at around 6. I wasn't going to the Hello! Party the night before anyway. I would be able to shake Duu's hand! Well, my mom decided to do a little investigating on her own, so she called the BBT who said that only around half of the tickets had sold out as of the day before. Since stock issues wouldn't be a problem due to only half of the tickets being sold, we didn't need to get there until 1. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Trusting the man from the BBT, I initially got worried but then didn't mind. I was having someone pick me up a CD anyway. This would all work out. I read all of Turbos' prep articles and Nyuchandesu's fan reports from Berryz and C-ute in Paris. I was hyped. I was going to meet so many fans of the group I liked, possibly get free swag from Japanese wota, get to meet the girls, and have a great concert.

Well, that wasn't the case at all.

We arrived a little past 1 in line, and it was packed. It wrapped around many, many corners and streets. But there was only supposed to be 1000 people! Lie #1 from the BBT staff.

Here's where it all kind of went downhill. I won't go into details, but I was kind of angry. We were originally going to get here at 6, but now we weren't. I frantically called the girl who would buy the CD for me and even found her and gave her money. I had a mini-meltdown of sorts. All while looking like a lunatic in front of the whole line. No one wanted to make friends in the line with me, but I was given a Haruna notecard by a fan. (Actually, there was a huge group of guys behind me and their friends kept cutting around a half hour before we were all let in)

Time ticked on and on. We finally got inside the theater at around 3:30, and it was even more packed. The line for merch wrapped around the entire building. The hall was virtually empty, being taken up only by lucky VIP holders. TIKI BUN, Shabadabadoo (the full version! The rest of the MV is really cute!) and Mikaeri Bijin were playing in the monitors around the venue.

I tried to find the girl who was to buy me a ticket, but apparently they limited stock so every person only got one CD. So I got my money back, disappointed. I ran to get a good spot to see but ran back to tell my mom to get out of the bathroom, and please wait in line for a Handshake CD, the golden ticket who would make this whole process wonderful.

I went to the merch area and asked a staff member how many CDs they were selling. He said that, including VIP, only 400 CDs had tickets in them.

Well, that dream was crushed. At this point, I was really surprised at UFP as well as the BBT's lack of professionalism. They advertised all over that every CD would contain the magic handshake ticket, but apparently only the first 500 had them, no duplicates.

This was heightened once I saw girls my age bawling.

"What's wrong?" I asked, the complete frenzy of the fans drowning out my question.

They missed out on tickets by 10 people, they told me.

These girls, presumably not too younger than me, drove here all the way from Washington to shake hands with Erina. But their dreams were crushed, I guess.

My friend and I now lost our good spot in the very front in the lower level. The middle section is fuller now, but there is a spot next to the cameramen that I saved for us.

This whole experience was too much for her, as it was her very first concert (mine too) and she just wanted to sit down. She disappeared and I lost her. I was supposed to stick together with my mom and my friend, but I lost both of them. A fellow H!O user standing next to me (a very nice girl, I forgot her name, but her signature is a fanart of the members in their Ai no Gundan outfits) talked about how she has been a fan since 2000 and this is her very first time seeing them. She, too, disagreed with the whole VIP ticket process online. She didn't get a chance for a HS ticket either.

At this point, the concert was about to start. I hope my mom got a ticket, but at this point, I doubt it. As the opening call begins, the cameraman sets up a new device in front of me. Now I can't see to the left of me at all. And basically, that's where Kudou was the entire concert.

The opening call begins and everyone around here is pumped. The BBT man lied: the venue is stuffed to the brim with sardines, and it already began to smell weird.

One Two Three begins to play. I am not in a good mood. I spent all of this time, money, and effort to get these tickets, I lost my friend and mom, who doesn't even want me here, I didn't make any new friends, or buy any goods, my friend doesn't even want to be here (she watched some videos online and fell in love with Reina, but just learned at the concert that she graduated last year and wouldn't be performing), my friends parents were making a stink about waiting in line for two hours, I can't even see, and I won't be able to meet Haruka. Would it even be worth it? I'm all decked out, head to toe in Haruka gear, a custom T-Shirt, king blade, glow sticks, bracelets, sweatbands, and more, and around four people actually saw it. I put my mom, my friend, her parents, and even other fans at a disservice by bothering them and acting like a spoiled brat for the day just so my Momusu visit could be perfect. Well, life ain't perfect.

Oh, and I lost the Sayumi glowsticks they were passing out in line.

Well, I decided to make the best of it. I was right by the camera. I decided to cheer as loud as I could so I could be heard, but also try to have some fun. I couldn't see, but I could hear. What I could see, I saw clearly. But I kept beginning to wonder if these six months of stress were even worth it. Who cares, I said to myself, just have fun! It's Momusu.

That's what I tried to do, and that's what I did.

The camera guy, coincidentally, left for a long chunk of time, since the camera was malfunctioning. The camera went with him. I could finally see very well! I was cheering as loud as I could! Since I was near the sound guy/other cameraman, I'm pretty sure all of the Haruka calls were captured loud and clear. Actually, when they were going the Sayu call, I shouted HARUKAAAA when it got quiet. The adrenaline was pumping in my veins from the awesome setlist! Sure, the sound in the theater was crap, but the feeling was amazing. People were cheering like crazy, and I lost my voice within the first half an hour. And Morning Musume performed 20 songs basically non-stop, only with a 30-second MC here and there. I was really surprised at that fact; for the concert tours, they have time to catch their breaths when unit songs come on. These girls were performing non stop aerobic action. I was so impressed. The vocals were all right- you could obviously tell that they were singing on top of themselves at many points and that the bigger venues had better sound. Also, some of the songs sounded weird (for example, the repeating piano part in TokiSora was at a different pitch than the rest of the song for some reason, which sounded bad.) But the energy level was amazing. Three times louder than Budokan. And it was a sea of glowsticks.

I begin to lose myself. It was so refreshing, seeing these then two-dimensional girls now perform as 3D beings from Japan that definitely exist and came here. The encore call begins and the Sayumi chants start and I'm beginning to feel better about the stressors of today, the last few weeks, and six months.

It's Happy Daisakisen and I'm shouting all the members' names when I hear someone shout my own. I look around behind me, but I can't find anyone. I look in front of me. It's my mom. She's shouting my name but I can barely hear her.

"Mom!"

"Yes! I found you!" she yells,

"I got a handshake ticket!"


What.

What?

WHAT!?!?!

"HAPPY DAISUKEN!" the girls are singing, drowning out my mom's words, "SAY HELLO! OH YEAH!"

"What do you mean? They sold out after the first 500 people! You were at the very back of the line!"

The song begins to end, the girls say their goodbyes, and the lights return to their full brightness. The girls file offstage with smiley grins on their faces.

"Well, I marched up there and asked for one. I was assertive. And I got one."

She shows me the glossy CD and the handshake ticket, now trembling in my hands. The number on the front reads "498".

As I'm trying to process the fact that I actually was going to handshake the members, I freak out. I turn manic. I'm asking questions: But what about the line? You were in the back! I thought they limited them? How'd you get this? Oh my god. Mom. Tell me. Oh my god. Oh my god. OH MY GODDDDD!!"

My friend finds us and catches up to us as I'm trying to catch my breath. My mom tells me that she was standing at the very sides of the stage, which apparently had a great view of the stage and was virtually empty.

"I see why you like the short-haired one," she tells me, "She's a great performer and has lots of energy. She waved at me a few times."

I'm still trying to comprehend this whole situation. This was honestly the best surprise I've had in a while. Sure, I was just told Lie #2 by the BBT staff but I don't even care, I'm gonna meet Momusu, and they're calling people with handshake tickets up there right now in the seats to put on their blue pass bracelets and sit down to get ready for the best time of the day omg.

Earlier this morning, I looked up the phrase, "You're my inspiration," in Japanese. "Anata ni shigeki wo ukemashita," I repeat over and over again in my mind, trying to remember what I plan to say to Kudou. I bring my huge backpack up with me and plop down near some girls who look around my age. (Note: Do not bring up a 30 pound backpack up into the seats with you. You will be forced to carry it during the Handshake. No biggie, since I'm using to carrying heavier at school, but still.)

The girls look nice and friendly. I introduce myself, and it turns out that one of the girls was Xiukki! We all had a nice conversation and took a picture that I will not be showing here because I was basically crying at this point.

They call my section up to go down to HS.

At this point the entirety of Turbos' handshake advice is out the window. I completely forget everything I read. I don't know what I will say to Ayumi, Mizuki, Erina, Kanon, or Sakura. I'm deep in thought when they check my blue wristband and I find myself plopped in front of Sakura.

Honestly, the whole handshake event is a blur. I was so excited during the entire thing, I don't even remember grabbing their hands-- they were just scooped up by each girl. It was kind of like when I won the town spelling bee in grade 7-- I was ecstatic and proud of myself, but when I got home I didn't even remember the word I won with.
But I can say that meeting the girls in person is completely different than seeing them in a picture for years.

I wasn't shaking hands with Japanese idols I have adored from afar my entire life; I was shaking hands with high school girls with a dream. Just like me. It added such a personal connection with the girls which I was very fond of. When I talked to Mizuki, I wasn't talking to the pretty idol who is the photobook star. When I shook hands with Ayumi, I wasn't shaking hands with the comical performer. When I met all of the them, I was shaking hands with girls. That was it. They seemed completely different from their personas. Deep down, when you look at it, these girls all go to school and have lives outside of Hello! Project with family and friends, just like the rest of us. I wasn't speaking with Riho, the dance machine who slays in concerts and is a great actress, I was speaking with a 16-year-old Japanese girl, who couldn't believe that she was having the opportunity to go to New York and speak with foreigners who were fans of her. And for me, the whole experience was very different- we controlled the concert. The audience. We weren't watching a Blu-Ray from home containing other people's fun-- we were dictating our own concert. We couldn't ask for anything more.

Anyway, you know how they say that you can only remember things once, and If you remember it again, you're just remembering a memory. The handshake event is a memory of a memory of a memory of a memory now. But I'm pretty sure everything's still accurate. The one reason why I don't think I remember anything is that for me, they only replied in Japanese. No english. At all. Even if I talked to them in English! I knew what they were trying to say, but I was so freaked out that I couldn't comprehend anything. Oh well.

The HS started was in generational order, backwards, starting with Sakura. The first thing I noticed is that she is radiant. She totally stood out for me in this concert. She rocked that stage. And she had such an aura when she took my hand. I told her, in English, "I love your singing! You have a great voice!" and she was so cute in her reply. Her eyes lit up wide and I could see her makeup and face and it was real! She is real. I'm pretty sure she said "Ureshikatta desu!" or something. I might have said more, but I think I just smiled a big toothy grin and said "Arigatou."

On to Haruka. My oshimen.
I was surprised.
She looks so different in person. My Haruka. God, she was girly looking, but in a mature way. She has huge eyes, and upon seeing that I was her oshi, she got ready to stay and chat for a while. God, she is so adorable. Not boyish at all. God. Duu. The entire exchange was blurred by my internal happiness. Her grip was firm, yet gentle. Stop staring at me with those eyes, Duu. Stop pouting. Ugh. omg. Mesmerizing.

So, anyway, I tell her, in Japanese, that she is my inspiration. That's kind of a lie. I mean, she's my theatre inspiration. My life inspiration is honestly Riho, because we are the same age and have similar dispositions, talents, and are treated the same way, etc. But I told her that and I don't even remember what she said, but I know she said a heartfelt "Arigatou gozaimasu," and some more things, but with my limited Japanese skills and foggy memory, I don't even know. When I was waiting in line earlier, the HS seemed to go so fast, but in my case, I was given 8 seconds with each girl (~10 with Haruka) so I needed to come up with more to say. Struggling to get more words to say, I end up blurting out: "Uhhh... TIKI BUN! HARUKA WA KAKKOI!" and she smile-laugh-grinned with her toothy yaeba and said that she was glad I said/thought that (in Japanese, of course.)

Masaki was next. I knew what I was going to say to Masaki the moment I heard Morning Musume was coming to New York. I was going to call her a warugaki. Xiukki told me (and her friends) that that was a no-no, but I didn't care. I wanted a reaction. So I grabbed her hands and playfully told her that "Maachan wa kawaii warugaki."
She smiled a big, toothy grin and laughed. You know, I don't even remember what her voice sounded like. But she said "Arigatou" but the way she said it hinted that she knew I was trying to be tricky. She said some more stuff (I think she said "funny" but I'm not sure) and then I went on to Ayumi.

I just grabbed her hand and said "Daaishi Feeling!" and she replied "Yes, that's good!" or something like that. I don't remember, I went past her pretty quickly.

Haruna. Iikubo Haruna's handshake. I heard that she has the best handshake. Let me tell you. That is correct. Basically, I said "Anata wa Honey, watashi wa Darling!"
She said "OHHHHHHH" and made a "YASSSS" face. It was hilarious. She might have said some more stuff, but I think I might have cut her off (oops) but then I said Sweet Sweet Honey Time and she replied "Yes! hooray!" or something to that effect. I really wish I remembered what everyone said.

Kanon-chan. She is gorgeous. And she was one the nicest girls to me. Kanon had a really huge cheer during the introduction MC, so she was kind of the star of the night. I only ended up saying "Kanon. Kawaii" and she said "Arigatou gozaimasu" and said "Urushiiii" too but she seemed very genuine.

I told Riho as well that she was my inspiration. Her response was very genuine it seemed, but it was in full Japanese so I have noooo idea what she said... I think she said "that nice of you to say" and smiled a genuine grin at me. SAYASHIIII

Next was Erina. God. I didn't know what to say to Eripon. Honestly, my mouth just dribbled open and said everything that I could think of. Which was, and I quote:

"Eripon! Daaishi! No! Arigatou! Kawaii! Kakkoi! ¡Me divierto hoy! Wait, what am I saying? Sorry." (I take Spanish, so I inadvertently switch into Spanish mode when I'm trying to speak in my broken Japanese most of the time.)

And she gave me this look. Yeah, I know, I made a complete fool of myself, but still. She gave me this look of disgust that really bothered me. And then, she laughed, but not a "laughing with you" laugh. It was a "laughing AT you" laugh. This just solidified my dislike for Erina.

Then, after that, I went onto Mizuki. I said "Shashinshuu Daisuki" and she said "ah! Arigatou!" but it was kinda awkward. It was a really short exchange.

Finally, Sayu was next. I stumbled on my words and said "Omedetou" and she just said a half-assed "Arigatou." She was really cute though.

And that was that. It was all over so quickly, I wish it was like on camera or something so I could relieve the HS memories. Sakura is definitely moving up in my ranking though, how could I be so blind to her awesomeness?

As I filed out of the HS area, my mom and friend greeted me. They were watching the whole thing. They also said the the girls walked out to do the HS right in front of them and they lit up when they saw my mom. She told me they said hi and thank you to them. I was jealous!! Special attention from Haruka and all the members? And she said she hates idols!

...well, not anymore. She said she was extremely pleasantly surprised, and as a former aerobics instructor in the 80s, they could do way better than her, danc wise. Their stamina surprised her, and even me too. She likes Momusu now and said she can she why I loved them. She also said that Haruka looks mature and carried herself very well. "Are you sure she's not 25 like the pigtail pink Sayu girl?" she asked me.

I bought some photos, the only goods they had left (and the prices were higher due to tax) for $22! Overpriced, but still good nonetheless. And that was that. I've been typing for two hours. I can't wait for the DVD to be released so that I can relive the memories and see backstage stuff!

P.S. During the concert, I was standing next to a Japanese staff member WHO LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE MAKOTO. Maybe it was him. ? Did he get a haircut?

Thanks for reading this far, by the way! I hope my writing style doesn't bother you guys! And since I'm exhausted and going to go to be now, there may be many typos. Sorry about that. In the end, it was a good concert, albeit a stressful experience. I got pumped up!

EDIT:
I have a little more to say about the concert and idols in general. I was just too tired to put my entire feelings on the matter last night, but I've rested and would like to say something.

Has anyone heard of Paris syndrome? Japan has a kind of surreal, idolized perspective of France: romance, the Eiffel Tower, maids, cafés, flowers, etc. But when they get there, they are met with smelly streets, hobos, a large language barrier, stress, and all of their stereotypes crushed. Paris is not the land of dreams: it's the land of headache.

And, you know, this whole concert experience was surreal, but it made me realize something: I, and we as a collective fandom, for the most part spend free moments idolizing these girls. Yeah, you might say, they're idols. But actually meeting them in person made me realize that, although talented, they are just a bunch of Japanese high schoolers. I mean, I've devoted my entire adolescent life to the obsession with girls, exactly like me, honestly. I'm not gonna go into a sob story, but I have a very difficult life. Just trust me on that. But the idol fandom was my release- I could vicariously live through them and get satisfaction from it. Leading up to the concert, I spent hours on end looking up every Kudou video I could find, feeling that I wasn't a good fan and wasn't ready for a HS unless I knew everything about them. I've devoted my life to their lives. I don't have friends at school (being the new girl in high school when everyone already has their established friend groups and don't want to hang out with an "outlier" is difficult) so these members were my friends. And I experienced my own little Paris syndrome as well: nothing was extremely positive besides the handshake, which I don't even remember anyway. I spent the entire day stressing out and acting like a lunatic for this handshake ticket, so that and the actions of others kind of tainted the experience for me. I'm not disappointed, but I don't really have that great of a takeaway as other people on here and the MM'14NYC group. It wasn't really what I expected. And, you know, I don't even know what I DID expect. It was my first concert ever, so I didn't really know how anything worked. It just wasn't this amazing "best day of my life!!!" experience like everyone else. I enjoyed it, but it didn't give my life any extra joy. Life still goes on. It didn't solve anything. It was overwhelmingly underwhelming. Do you understand what I mean? Also, the family I travelled with made this experience really hellish for me. I just had kind of a sour taste after all of it, not to mention they wouldn't let me stay to watch the girls go in their limo. :/

I wasn't in a state of euphoria like I thought I would be. It was just a concert, albeit a great one. This concert was fueling everything I did for almost 6 months. All of my achievements were to win my mom over to let me see these girls. There's nothing really to look forward to now, since it snuck up on me and came and left so quickly. I'm just a fan. I need to come to the reality that even though I know everything about them (or so I think) they'll never know anything about me. They'll never be my friends. And living life with them as my substitute for friends is detrimental. Sure, I would have an escape, but it's not the happiness I was looking for to solve my woes. I was so looking forward to meeting them, and touching them, as if it would give purpose or redeem 6 years of time spent on these girls. And I was so hung up about getting a handshake ticket, that when I thought I didn't have one, the entire concert was kinda ruined for me. I was a stressful wreck and didn't fully enjoy myself. And even when I did HS them, it didn't really give me the closure I was looking for, I guess. I loved meeting the, don't get me wrong, but it made me realize that I idolize them way too much. Seeing them live didn't change the bad stuff in my life. And I realize that the whole time, I used idols to be in denial, to be in a happy place, away from my problems. But running away from those problems isn't the answer. Morning Musume is not the answer either. I just learned a lot about myself and my priorities.

So, I kind of might want to take a break from the fandom for a little while. A small little break, since I'm all idoled out. It was a headache, but not a terribly bad one; kind of like the feeling when you eat too much chocolate, which you love, but then you end up getting sick to your stomach and you throw up the yummy snack, feel uncomfortable afterwards, and only remember the feeling you got by eating it, not the taste. Basically.

I just wish I had more fun. I mean, I put so much importance into this. I mean, I even got teachers to write my mom letters convincing her that I deserved to see this concert. It was five months of hype for this event that didn't change my life like I was expecting. Maybe my expectations were too high. I just don't know what to feel. I know many people didn't get this opportunity, and for the longest time, I didn't either.

TL;DR: The concert was fun, but I guess it wasn't everything I (and other people too, reading internet comments) had hoped for. My opinion is similar to Turbos86's (read his Jicchan entry!) I'm still really glad I went, but it was a 5-month-long headache. (And the fact that I only met like two fellow fans who wanted to talk to me and had a pretty crappy in line experience and definitely didn't make any friendships with anyone like I expected didn't help, haha) But seeing the girls live made up for it (for the most part). I can't wait to watch the DVD, however, to relive everything (I seem to have forgotten everything already :/)