Ranting to myself~

Why am I so stubborn...?
I really hate to talk about these kinds of things because it's really just a waste of time.
Why tell me to vent out my problems, because holding it all in will only make things worse, and then make me feel like an idiot after doing so?
You tell me that I'm pushing you away by not telling you how I'm feeling.
Do you know how much that hurts?
To think that's how you feel about it...to think that I'm pushing you away... my heart aches at such feeling...
when I'm trying my best to keep you close by not burdening you with my problems...
I want to keep you happy and smiling... not worrying about me...
I feel like such a fool... I want to tell you, but knowing that the situation is really, very childish... I know you'll just point out just that...
That's exactly why I don't talk about it, because I don't want to feel like a fool.
But I tell you anyway...
And just as I thought... you tell me how it is...childish...
You ask me where such fear is coming from...
To be honest, I don't really know...
Maybe it's the thought of being rejected...
Or maybe I just don't want to let things go...
It's hurting me inside, but I can't help the way I feel...
The thought of losing someone so close....I can't handle it...
I refuse to accept your advise, only because it's the same things I repeat in my head over and over again anyway...
With that, I'll continue to ignore it....
I'll continue to be stubborn about it...
And I'll accept it as it is...
...childish...