The sinking feeling is back

Well, regardless of what belief system or not one adopts, be it a very outrageous one (in terms of tenets etc.) or one that is very rational and analytical, the fact of the matter is this:

In life, the only thing that is certain, is death.
And, ironically enough, nobody knows when that happens.

So, the issue of death and what happens or does not happen after it, is somewhat secondary, because you have a life right now, and what matters then is what you do when you actually are alive. Thinking too much about the past is not good, because you forget about the present. And likewise thinking too much about the future is also not good, because like before, you also forget about the present. And whatever situation we have, with whichever condition we have, the best is to not fixate too much upon things and "situations" as such, because these are not the real point. Being a kind person is more important, being more compassionate is more important, these things, that don't ascribe to a certain skin color, weight, height, look, income, or whatever, are the issues in life that defines us. Whoever enjoys life even if they have a lot of money, but feels miserable all the time?

So, death for example, is something that is very natural. It's OK to not want to die, but it shouldn't become an obsession that makes ourselves feel anxious. It is a cycle like everything else. Duration of the cycle depends upon a myriad of different causes and conditions.

Try to find something worthwhile to contribute with. Right now you're unemployed, so finding a job could be a good idea. If not in a rush, why not use your sparetime to help out a little? Friends, family, local community, and so on (branching out) could always need some help with something. Working with animals or the environment is very rewarding. If nothing else, try to stimulate yourself, such as studying (mental health), and working out (physical health). And here there really is a lot to approach.

So perhaps you'll come to find more value in things you can do right now, rather than things of the past or the future. And don't forget, things you do now shape the future, so it's good to then focus ones energy on worthwhile things to do.

Hey, I've been wondering how you were doing. It's a good idea to try to keep yourself busy and trying out new things to keep your mind off what's making you anxious. I'm out of school and unemployed too, and it's definitely easy to become more mopey and depressed when you have nothing to do. I'm lucky in that whenever I get in a bad mood or go into a dark place mentally, I can get out of it pretty quickly. But for you it seems different. If you've found that blogging has helped you in some way, then stick with it. Writing things down gets them out of your head and can help you to organize your thoughts. If you have any creative writing talent, why not try working your feelings into a story or a poem? It's something that would keep you busy, and it can be a good way to sort out your thoughts while also distancing them from yourself by showing how they are (in a way) universal.

Sometimes I really want to die, sometimes I don't. (To make a long story short.)

I think it helps me to try and get outside more often, and try to just move around when I can. I also am unemployed/out of school, so it's really easy to end up sitting infront of a screen all day!

Also, this probably sounds really silly, but I also feel better when I don't look at clocks! I find that I don't oversleep as much when I don't have a clock in my room which leads to a better day/better sleep schedule. As much as I like sleeping, oversleeping makes me feel tired all day, and puts me in a rotten mood.

Drinking plenty of water and eating some fruit in the day also helps in general.


It's very sad that we live in a world where people feel bad about their looks or just being a little different. When it comes down to it, none of it is really important.



Also I've started doing all of the things listed above in about the past month, and since then people have been saying I'm more friendly/reasonable than ever, along with not really having those sorts of depressing thoughts.

Hope I helped!

Here's how to look at it differently:

5 years ago, I attended a funeral of a friend who passed away from cancer (he was actually bit younger than me)
And his father told me his son's final words: "don't be sad, as in death he will no longer suffer pain"
(note: this don't mean I encourage the act of suicide!)

BTW cio, does your morbid thought lead you to "live each day as if it were your last"? i.e. indulge as much as you can giving as little hoot to planning & responsibility as possible

Not really because I'm not the type of person to take risks. It's more like, it encourages me to try harder to accomplish things that I want to do in my life like go to University and get a job in translating or teaching and then perhaps visit some of my friends in Japan again.

^ That's good that you are encouraged to accomplish things. Though, I wouldn't look at other things as "taking risks". It can be refreshing to try new things occasionally. Not saying throw your normal life away obviously. I am very introverted myself, and sometimes I just have to force myself to do things in a sense, just takes some will power I guess.

I see where your problem is coming from though. You aren't working, and you aren't in school. I know when that was the case for me, I could never sleep. In high school, during summer vacations I could just never fall asleep, and after I finished college and couldn't find a job, the same thing. It's just like there is nothing weighing your mind down, nothing to fatigue you into needing the sleep. I sleep like a baby now that I have a job lol. Hopefully it's the same thing with you. Just hold on, and things will start looking better once your life starts changing again.