Javascript Disabled Detected

You currently have javascript disabled. Several functions may not work. Please re-enable javascript to access full functionality.

A very morbid post and a somewhat distressed me

Posted by Cio'24, 31 December 2012 · 1138 views

I don't want to really make this too long. But for the past month or 2 a single thought has been terrorising my brain. Death. This comes along with the my grandfather on my fathers side had been diagnosed with cancer and is terminally ill. Right now, as it is,he's edging closer. He's constantly in a mechanical wheelchair, and he needs a small tank of oxygen carried with him at all times.

A while after his diagnosis I woke up after a sleep wondering what death was like. A dangerous thing to do I now realise, as I had come to the conclusion pretty quickly that death was like sleep. Not like when you dream, I don't dream very often. I just kinda... fade out when I sleep and if I do dream I don't remember the dreams, I just wake up as soon as I fall asleep and bam it's day. That scares me. It's kinda like I disappear for 12 or so hours to the world. That's what started me on the idea that death is like sleep.

In short would it be that when we pass on, nothing happens? Everything just stops, how concept of time stops, our thoughts stops, our very conciousness stops. In essence we would be nothing more. You can see why I'm really getting distressed about it because it makes sense to me.

I've lost a ton of sleep over this, and you can't blame me. After all this thought I haven't really wanted to fall asleep ever again. Though of course, common sense knocks in and I get a few hours of sleep each night. To help calm myself down I take a moment to look into the idea of Near-death experiences. It seems like nonsense at first but it's the only thing I can cling on to. But of course, I'm skeptical about the idea. There are so many explanations as to why such a thing is possible but no one really knows. There's nothing really to say that this truly does happen when someone dies. It may just occur before death. I don't know.

I'm tired of spending every night thinking about this. I'm just tired, and sick of it. I want to yell out "just tell me what happens". I don't care if they're spoilers, haha. But I want this pounding sinking feeling that I have in the very depths of my soul to stop and I want to be at peace with the idea of death and able to accept it as it is.

That's all I really wanted to say. I wanted to post this now because today 3 years ago my grandfather on my mothers side was admitted to hospital and passed away 9 days later taking a sudden turn for the worse. I was very close to him so of course, I was very upset.

Well that's all. I don't know if there's anything that can give me any comfort now.

Erin.

Dec 31 2012 10:13 PM

The thing with death is that there are so many different ways to die, some of them very painful and horrible, some of them not so much. I don't want to freak you out anymore, but maybe it'll help you to know that not all deaths are like falling asleep/being asleep. Some kinda are, like when a person is heavily medicated and just sort of slips away. But being asleep is different from death, I think, because of dreams. You may be asleep, but your body is still functioning (you continue to breath, your heart keeps beating), and your brain still does stuff (which often results in dreams).

What you seem to be going through is kinda what all religions and philosophies and whatnot deal with: what happens when we die. (Also mixed with paranoia, I think.) The short answer is, of course, no one knows what happens. It's sort of up to each individual to figure out their beliefs regarding any potential afterlife. I like to think that whatever a person believes will happen after death will happen to them. Like, if their beliefs give them consolation during life, then what more do you really need? Personally, I believe in reincarnation, and that offers a kind of solace to me whenever I get scared.

Obviously, you don't want to live being afraid to go to sleep. It'll probably just make you even more anxious and it can really mess with your brain and body if you don't get enough sleep. Maybe it'd be useful for you to try to figure out what your beliefs are (while your awake). Like, do some research into all the different theories. Or, find some way to relax before you go to bed. Also, you could try keeping a dream diary (where you write down dreams the second you wake up), just to convince yourself that being asleep does not equal unconsciousness. (I've fainted/lost consciousness before, and it's quite different.)

There's gotta be some theory/belief about death/what happens after death that'll be logical to you, while also offering solace rather than fear and paranoia. I hope I don't sound harsh in any of this, but I just think that if you believe something like this (that after death, nothing happens) and it's negatively affecting your life to this degree, there has to be a way to change it for the better.

mochi.rini

Dec 31 2012 11:16 PM

Ahhh I know exactly how you feel.

As long as I have remembered, I constantly had these same thoughts, way before I experienced the first death in my life (the death of my dog and then a few weeks later the death of my beloved grandmother on my mom's side). As a kid, I remember just running around screaming and crying about how I just wanted to be with my family forever and how I just wanted time to stop because I was afraid of what happens after death.

Like you, I often just lay there and wonder. Quite frankly, it's terrifying. I think the one time where I started finally accepting the idea of death was during my Freshman year of high school. My English teacher had us write a journal entry about what we thought would happen after we died. A lot of people in my class wrote happy entries about how they would be reunited with their family's in heaven. I wish so much that I could be as optimistic as them. Maybe it's because I'm not a religious person, but instead, my entry was so similar to what you have written- you die and that's that. The end.

Even to this day- 6 years later- I still have moments where the anxiety just kicks in and I just flip out because I have that sinking feeling in my stomach as well. It really sucks because I don't think we'll ever know what happens. All those documentaries about the afterlife are no help to me whatsoever. When I have one of my "moments", my family members know it now, at least I assume they do. They kind of just let me go crazy and when I just feel like hugging someone, they're there for me. I don't talk about it really, but I kind of just forget about it until the next time it happens. Even though I don't know for sure what happens, I've just constantly told myself that even if it scares me and even if it's something I don't like, it's plausible and I won't ever be able to stop it. It really is a morbid subject when you think about it, but I just try to be as happy as I can.

As for your grandfather, I hope the very best for him, as well as the rest of your family. It sounds a little selfish, but if you're there for him and show him how much you love him, not only will you make him better by making him feel loved, but you'll start to feel better yourself about everything in life.

Eeyore

Jan 01 2013 11:22 AM

This is where religions can play their "trump card", so to speak, and mention that there's an afterlife and all that malarky.
Unfortunately I'm not religious, and do not believe things purely on faith.

I have had the same thoughts as you with regard what it might be like... and the closest I can get to explaining my view is to get them to imagine what it was like for us before we were born.

My view is that death itself is nothing to be scared of, to fear. It is the only inevitability of life... 100% success rate (with a few supposedly immortal jellyfish hanging around somewhere). But with humans... 100%.
Death is a cessation of experience. There is no "I" with which to have an experience, and no "waking up".
I see a dreamless sleep, as you describe, the closest we can get to understanding it, and yet the only way we do experience it is as a void... we remember up to a point in time... then nothing... then wake up and remember again. With death there is no waking up.
So death is not painful. It is merely a cessation of everything. "You" will no longer exist.
Why fear it... as "you" and your death are never in the same place... when death kicks in, you kick out.

What I do fear is the process of dying... the deterioration of the body and mind.
I just hope mine is relatively quick.
I saw my grandparents all suffer to some degree - one suffered dementia, the other two just a gradual breakdown and organ failure - and then my mother from leukemia... and that was the worst, as the last days were very painful for her, despite morphine and all the other drugs.
But there's a difference between the process of dying, and actual death... at least there is to me.

Death is an inevitability. And we won't experience our own death... as we'll be dead... we'll cease to experience anything.
So it's nothing to be feared.

If you still struggle to get to sleep, try to rationalise that you are guaranteed to wake up, given that you have so far done so every other time you have gone to sleep. And if that one time you don't wake up catches you by surprise... you won't actually be around to experience it.

Anyhoo - pleasant dreams

And happy 2013!

Erin.

Jan 01 2013 11:02 PM

Hey, me again. I was thinking some more about this, and I started to think that maybe this has less to do with death objectively (like what happens after) and more with death subjectively: you are extremely worried about your grandfather. You care so much about him, but you don't know what's gonna happen to him and it doesn't seem like there's any way to help him. Over the past few years there's been a lot of deaths in my family (cancer every single time), so I began to remember what it was like, waiting all the time, for some kind of news, for better or for worse, jumping up every time the phone rang, driving back and forth from hospitals, and everything else. It feels like being in a suspended state - in limbo - stuck with your own thoughts. And those thoughts can lead to dangerous places.

I don't know what else to say. Eventually, I think you'll be able to move on from this state of mind. The human brain is pretty resilient, and it won't destroy you unless you let it, so find a way to keep control. Find something that you are able to do for your family that will somehow calm you.

Mab

Jan 02 2013 06:42 PM

Death is simple, it's scary to think about, because there is no way to know what is going to happen next.

That's why it's important to enjoy your life, every second of it. Do the things you wanna do, spend time doing things you like, if you have goals - accomplish them. Just focus on the positive and try to be happy and do what you can to make yourself happy. I believe if you do things that make you happy, death won't be as big of deal - if you live your life to your fullest. Yes, it's scary to think about death at times. But I know if you reach a certain level of happiness, and live long enough, sooner or later death won't be that scary.

So that's my simple two cents. Sometimes it takes effort to be happy, so put in some hard work and have a good time while you can. Time can creep up on you if you're not careful.

Mab

Jan 03 2013 05:55 AM

I want to share this, because it is a speech that changed my life. The man in the video is Jimmy Valvano, an iconic college basketball coach. He was diagnosed with bone cancer, and started the Jimmy V foundation for cancer research. Anyways, This was recorded in 1993, it was recorded just a month before Jimmy V died.

I think his message in the speech is very good, and it's a way that everyone should strive to live life by. If you can try to live by his message, death doesn't seem as scary. This was a man staring death in the face, it brings a tear to my eye every time I see it.

I just wanted to share it in the event that someone else might find it as inspiring as I do.