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So before I go on telling anything about anything I just kinda wanna say, it's a long story...and yeah~ lol.
So about two years ago, I was in the 11th grade. It was my astronomy class. There was NOBODY I knew in that class. I knew one person, but he was a hi-bye kinda friend so we never really talked...and I didn't mind because he was kinda...strange so w/e's.
SOME BACKGROUND INFO: Now during the 11th grade, I was high in the ranks at performance academy, so naturally I was required to be places other than home and with friends alot more than the everyday person. That cause alot of abandonment, distance, and backstabbing with friends at school. In addition to that I was coming home to a 2-bed, 2 bath apartment, filled with 8 people. My parents were always fighting, my sister was/still is going her rebellious phase, my brother a long with two of the kids , my mom and with the person who we called our "Aunt" were heavily involved with drugs. So SUPER AMOUNTS of negativity at my house. I was often coming home at 2 in the morning, me and my sister shared a room, my dad slept in the master room, and the others slept in the living room, so i could never go to the kitchen and just relax somewhere. So with that in mind~...
For about two months I kept to myself and sat by myself and did things by myself. When Halloween came I dressed up as a cow with squirt-able utters. Which sorta gathered me a lot of attention from the kids in my Astro. class. Partic. one kid (and of the sake of respecting him I won't say his name, but we'll call him Tom.) Tom started talking to me and so did his friend, so we slowly got to know each other and friends we became. However his friend dropped the class because she didn't like it or whatever. Now Tom was fairly popular, I was well known too, however Tom made himself popular by pushing himself out there, I was more the interesting little pebble you had to dig for to find. In case that wasn't clear, I was much more reserved and he was much more out there.
So as the months went by we gotten to know each other more and more, and he had this obsession with my elbow. He liked the way it felt so he was always rubbing and squeezing my elbow. ( I guess Kuramochhi isn't the only person with a body part fetish lol.) Naturally I was weirded out, but I learned to accept it and it made me feel closer.
Now I never really had a "best friend" because I hated labeling my friends, but when I look back I guess I could have considered him one. So we finally discovered we lived like down the block from each other. However because I was heavily involved with dance, and he was heavily involved with basketball, golf and he got tutoring help we never hung out after school. Which was fine, because for me just knowing that he was ok and not dead was enough for me. However, with all the stress coming from all the bad friendships, dance, and from home I was almost never happy.
And he knew that I wasn’t. Everyday I was asked what was wrong, and wouldn't tell him...often I would get annoyed and ignore him. He didn't take my ignoring of him seriously, and I'm glad that he didn't. I would often play-mad at him, and he knew that I wasn't serious about being mad at him, so we cont'd...being friends and blah blah blah. However...the stress kept buidling up and one day I just sorta snapped at him and got really angry. It was the first time I was really angry at him. He wouldn't stop being concerned about me, and I don't know why but it just annoyed me. I told him that I was going to be moving to a different school so that way the commute for me wouldn't be as bad for dance. Which was true, but until I saw the school and who would be my roommate, I said no lol. So we apologized to each other, via FB, since that was really the only I could communicate with him when it came to serious matters.
So life went on, and we had our usual quality of friendship which was to be honest, was a lot of fun. I was never mad, he knew I was never mad but we would pretend to be mad at each other, then laugh about like 2 mins later.
Then came the beginning of 2nd semester. A huge thing happened...via FB >.>...were I was basically poking fun at him, and I guess one of his friends just took offense and pretty much called me out. Now I didn't care what his friend said because A...I knew the kid was a loser and B...I didn't really care what people who don't know me have to say about me...however Tom with along with is and pretty much made me feel like the biggest burden to him.
So, I was shocked...and at lost and I didn't know what to say. I didn't talk to him for two weeks...he acted like he did nothing wrong. However when I didn't talk to him, he would always ask me why I was ignoring him and that he's sorry and that he didn't mean anything he said. Finally we talked about.......again....via FB...and I apologized for being so cynical and he apologized for what he said, and even made his friend apologize...which I didn't really care about. The smug look I gave his friend when he apologized...trust me...his friend was the type of kid that would pick fights with everybody...the cry about it when people confronted him.
So weeks went by...and although we were friends...to me...it just didn't feel the same. i mean there had to be some sorta truth behind what he said. But time went on, then came the end of the year. Now I was a grade ahead of Tom...and I began to worry if we would ever be in the same class with each other again. It was the first time I was ever really happy being with a friend in a long time that I didn't want to lose such a great friend. But he assured me that everything would be fine and that we'll see each other soon.
Now I never told him that I was a dancer and all the things that went on at home...I kept things to myself...I especially kept things quiet after the whole thing on FB happened. So two something months go by and a new year starts and what'do'ya know we're in the same Chem. class. But this time he had alot of his friends, and I had alot of my friends...alot of my REAL friends. So we never really talked....however...he kept a promise that he made the previous year before. He promised me that he'll get me whatever I wanted for my birthday...and all I wanted as a bag of M&M's...and he remembered...with a little hint hinty hint as well. But w/e....so weeks went by...and yet all this drama with other friends...same ol' back stab back stab...my home situation got worse and the only thing that kept me sane was dance. But me and Tom...didn't talk...like at all. So I started to say hi to him in the hall and in the classroom and he didn't respond. So after about a week I asked him if I did something wrong, and he said no...just relax and he apologized...he seemed to be kinda annoyed by me asking if he was mad at me...but i thought nothing of it. So weeks went by...and still nothing. We said nothing...did nothing...didn't even look at each other. And Finally i ended our friendship.
I pretty much said...I wasn't sure if I wanted to be friends with him anymore. I thought that maybe I did somethnig wrong...and that with us not being friends I wouldn't have to bother you, nor would have any obligation towards me. And I ended it with a good-bye.
I thought that by having ended out friendship that all the negativity would end...however it didn't...months went by...and one by one I ended things with people who I knew were the neg. influences on my life. I set my family straight...and I set boundaries. Not only that, but I was always living for others and finally I decided that I had to do things for me for a change. And surely...I became happier and happier and happier. Now it's been two years since me and Tom talked...and after graduating from High School and from Dance this past Jan. I felt accomplished, and that I was chasing another dream. But I realized......that the way I acted towards Tom wasn't fair.
Yes he annoyed me at times, and yes he made me feel like a burden. But the one thing I never took advantage of was his concern for me. Although I have friends that worry about me and when I cry cheer me up, his concern was different. It felt like if I said this or if I said that, it would affect him personally, and not just his thoughts of me. And although I'm as drama-less as anybody could be...I miss being able to be so close to somebody.
Now the point of this wasn't to ask to help me become friends with him....but to help in apologizing to him. I don't want his forgiveness...I don't...I don't feel that me being friends with him after all I said and done would be fair. But I would atleast like him to know that I'm sorry for what I did. Because I feel like he atleasts deserves it. However...I just don't know how to approach him. I don't want to do FB-style either. lol.
So about two years ago, I was in the 11th grade. It was my astronomy class. There was NOBODY I knew in that class. I knew one person, but he was a hi-bye kinda friend so we never really talked...and I didn't mind because he was kinda...strange so w/e's.
SOME BACKGROUND INFO: Now during the 11th grade, I was high in the ranks at performance academy, so naturally I was required to be places other than home and with friends alot more than the everyday person. That cause alot of abandonment, distance, and backstabbing with friends at school. In addition to that I was coming home to a 2-bed, 2 bath apartment, filled with 8 people. My parents were always fighting, my sister was/still is going her rebellious phase, my brother a long with two of the kids , my mom and with the person who we called our "Aunt" were heavily involved with drugs. So SUPER AMOUNTS of negativity at my house. I was often coming home at 2 in the morning, me and my sister shared a room, my dad slept in the master room, and the others slept in the living room, so i could never go to the kitchen and just relax somewhere. So with that in mind~...
For about two months I kept to myself and sat by myself and did things by myself. When Halloween came I dressed up as a cow with squirt-able utters. Which sorta gathered me a lot of attention from the kids in my Astro. class. Partic. one kid (and of the sake of respecting him I won't say his name, but we'll call him Tom.) Tom started talking to me and so did his friend, so we slowly got to know each other and friends we became. However his friend dropped the class because she didn't like it or whatever. Now Tom was fairly popular, I was well known too, however Tom made himself popular by pushing himself out there, I was more the interesting little pebble you had to dig for to find. In case that wasn't clear, I was much more reserved and he was much more out there.
So as the months went by we gotten to know each other more and more, and he had this obsession with my elbow. He liked the way it felt so he was always rubbing and squeezing my elbow. ( I guess Kuramochhi isn't the only person with a body part fetish lol.) Naturally I was weirded out, but I learned to accept it and it made me feel closer.
Now I never really had a "best friend" because I hated labeling my friends, but when I look back I guess I could have considered him one. So we finally discovered we lived like down the block from each other. However because I was heavily involved with dance, and he was heavily involved with basketball, golf and he got tutoring help we never hung out after school. Which was fine, because for me just knowing that he was ok and not dead was enough for me. However, with all the stress coming from all the bad friendships, dance, and from home I was almost never happy.
And he knew that I wasn’t. Everyday I was asked what was wrong, and wouldn't tell him...often I would get annoyed and ignore him. He didn't take my ignoring of him seriously, and I'm glad that he didn't. I would often play-mad at him, and he knew that I wasn't serious about being mad at him, so we cont'd...being friends and blah blah blah. However...the stress kept buidling up and one day I just sorta snapped at him and got really angry. It was the first time I was really angry at him. He wouldn't stop being concerned about me, and I don't know why but it just annoyed me. I told him that I was going to be moving to a different school so that way the commute for me wouldn't be as bad for dance. Which was true, but until I saw the school and who would be my roommate, I said no lol. So we apologized to each other, via FB, since that was really the only I could communicate with him when it came to serious matters.
So life went on, and we had our usual quality of friendship which was to be honest, was a lot of fun. I was never mad, he knew I was never mad but we would pretend to be mad at each other, then laugh about like 2 mins later.
Then came the beginning of 2nd semester. A huge thing happened...via FB >.>...were I was basically poking fun at him, and I guess one of his friends just took offense and pretty much called me out. Now I didn't care what his friend said because A...I knew the kid was a loser and B...I didn't really care what people who don't know me have to say about me...however Tom with along with is and pretty much made me feel like the biggest burden to him.
So, I was shocked...and at lost and I didn't know what to say. I didn't talk to him for two weeks...he acted like he did nothing wrong. However when I didn't talk to him, he would always ask me why I was ignoring him and that he's sorry and that he didn't mean anything he said. Finally we talked about.......again....via FB...and I apologized for being so cynical and he apologized for what he said, and even made his friend apologize...which I didn't really care about. The smug look I gave his friend when he apologized...trust me...his friend was the type of kid that would pick fights with everybody...the cry about it when people confronted him.
So weeks went by...and although we were friends...to me...it just didn't feel the same. i mean there had to be some sorta truth behind what he said. But time went on, then came the end of the year. Now I was a grade ahead of Tom...and I began to worry if we would ever be in the same class with each other again. It was the first time I was ever really happy being with a friend in a long time that I didn't want to lose such a great friend. But he assured me that everything would be fine and that we'll see each other soon.
Now I never told him that I was a dancer and all the things that went on at home...I kept things to myself...I especially kept things quiet after the whole thing on FB happened. So two something months go by and a new year starts and what'do'ya know we're in the same Chem. class. But this time he had alot of his friends, and I had alot of my friends...alot of my REAL friends. So we never really talked....however...he kept a promise that he made the previous year before. He promised me that he'll get me whatever I wanted for my birthday...and all I wanted as a bag of M&M's...and he remembered...with a little hint hinty hint as well. But w/e....so weeks went by...and yet all this drama with other friends...same ol' back stab back stab...my home situation got worse and the only thing that kept me sane was dance. But me and Tom...didn't talk...like at all. So I started to say hi to him in the hall and in the classroom and he didn't respond. So after about a week I asked him if I did something wrong, and he said no...just relax and he apologized...he seemed to be kinda annoyed by me asking if he was mad at me...but i thought nothing of it. So weeks went by...and still nothing. We said nothing...did nothing...didn't even look at each other. And Finally i ended our friendship.
I pretty much said...I wasn't sure if I wanted to be friends with him anymore. I thought that maybe I did somethnig wrong...and that with us not being friends I wouldn't have to bother you, nor would have any obligation towards me. And I ended it with a good-bye.
I thought that by having ended out friendship that all the negativity would end...however it didn't...months went by...and one by one I ended things with people who I knew were the neg. influences on my life. I set my family straight...and I set boundaries. Not only that, but I was always living for others and finally I decided that I had to do things for me for a change. And surely...I became happier and happier and happier. Now it's been two years since me and Tom talked...and after graduating from High School and from Dance this past Jan. I felt accomplished, and that I was chasing another dream. But I realized......that the way I acted towards Tom wasn't fair.
Yes he annoyed me at times, and yes he made me feel like a burden. But the one thing I never took advantage of was his concern for me. Although I have friends that worry about me and when I cry cheer me up, his concern was different. It felt like if I said this or if I said that, it would affect him personally, and not just his thoughts of me. And although I'm as drama-less as anybody could be...I miss being able to be so close to somebody.
Now the point of this wasn't to ask to help me become friends with him....but to help in apologizing to him. I don't want his forgiveness...I don't...I don't feel that me being friends with him after all I said and done would be fair. But I would atleast like him to know that I'm sorry for what I did. Because I feel like he atleasts deserves it. However...I just don't know how to approach him. I don't want to do FB-style either. lol.
